Christmas Time

[Quote of the post] Merry Christmas.
[Song of the post] All I want for Christmas is You - Various
[Other song of the post] Streets of London - Ralph McTell
[Poem of the post] The Christmas Wish

It's that time of year again. Christmas.

It's been another year. And once again I've read through the archives. The deterioration is evident. The soul; it is dying. Slowly, but surely, it is dying. It is losing the will to live.

Time. It is the basis of existence. It just keeps on running and running on and nothing can stop it. And it changes. It changes things, ideas, people. The strong, those that succeed, they are not fazed by change. The weak, they fall.

I do not like myself. Although everyone else thinks that I'm better than them. That I have things they don't. That after they have something, they cannot be content with it, and always see what other people have that they don't. Whoops, I'm talking about myself again.

One can argue that without this discontent mankind would have never reached past a million years of existence. And here we are today. Progressively moving forward because we cannot be content with what we have.

I do not want to get older. I see no benefits. I see no purpose. In short, I am afraid of change. For what has been done, is comfortable. And I like it, I do not wish to move from it, into the unknown, into that which all humans fear.

My mind is matured. Advanced for a fifteen-year-old. Unsuitable for a child's soul. I do no want to grow up. I want to be a kid forever.

When you're young, you can hug your best friend. When you're and adult, you're gay.
When you're young, you have imagination. When you're an adult, it's called computer-game-addiction.
When you're young, it's called creativity. When you're an adult, if it's not making money, it's a waste of time.
When you're young and you say something, you're observant. When you're old and you say something, you're identified as an opposition member.

Time is changing the world. Time is changing me. My mind is coming to terms with my physical age. I have often felt the urge to do something that I wasn't supposed to, but it has never been this strong. Not the sort of bad things you're thinking about, but things that you're not supposed to do according to what society says. It urges me to do what I feel, not think, is right. Even if it is unconventional.

Convention. Procedure. Beurocracy. One of the reasons that mankind has perpetuated itself is because it broke free of the constraints of tradition. We have a word for it. It's called pioneering. People are not weird, or strange. They're pioneers. They're doing what all you other people are scared of even trying.

As I look back into my archives, I realize that one of my questions is still unanswered. It you click the link at the top of this post it will direct you to a poem I wrote last Christmas. I asked a question in that post. If you had one Christmas wish, what would you wish for. I want to answer this. Someone. Everyone. Whoever chances upon this and reads this question, ask youself, what would you wish for. Then, please, honestly as you can, tell me what it is. Give me a reason to live. It may be the most important Christmas gift you have ever given.

The year comes to a close again. Time is lost, forever. The only way, is forward.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

Dream Sequence #001

[Song of the post] When a Man Loves A Woman - Percy Sledge

I just woke up, and I had this amazing dream that I don't want to forget.

Okay, I was late for school (for some reason I can't remember). I dunno why but the assembly place was smaller, made of older wood, and had a piano in front. (The location keeps changing through the dream.)

Then, while I was sneaking through the back (don't know why too), the National Anthem started. So I dropped my bag (and for some reason put my fist on my chest o_O) and started singing... but after the first verse it became a hip-hop tune! So there was this funky music and I remember Shaun was there although I can't remember why o_O And then Boey and Zhang were dancing SWING O_O HAHAHAHA It was so cool. And Tucky was there! He was playing a trumpet at unimaginable speeds. O_o

Then the song ended. So I dumped my bag with Shuan (who was sitting in front) and was about to sneak around to the back of the class, using a path that took me outside the auditorium. Then SUDDENLY Mr. Quek starts singing When a Man Loves A Woman...! O_O So I rush back to the front and plonk myself down; he was singing it was cool Elvis style - I turned around to ask Michael to play the song on the piano behind my teacher and find out that his head was totally shaved. O_O Then for some reason Bryan Ong goes up and starts one-fingering the melody. Then a whole bunch of people rush and start messing with the piano. Mr Quek turns around to scold them, and the dream ended. T_T

Dang, that was a cool dream.

Idea

“These people are not fit to live. No human on this planet is fit to live. Humanity has been lost since the day it was born.

“Especially persons like yourselves: liars, down to the last one. You speak of condemning murder. The whole world is guilty of murder! Every three seconds, a child in Africa dies of malnutrition. Every three seconds, the whole world is guilty of murder.

“You do not do anything to stop it. You do not do anything to help. Civilians are mugged in the streets, die freezing in Russia, and suffer from diseases such as AIDS. And yet you developed nations, with your bloody red tape and governmental procedures, you cannot reach them. Cannot help them.

“Your scientists are continuously discovering new knowledge, advancing technology. And what do they end up with? Developing weapons. Designing ways to kill each other faster, cleaner, more efficiently, and on a larger scale. The splitting of the atom was a scientific breakthrough. What did the scientists do with it? Make a bomb and destroy hundreds of thousands of innocent lives. Even your computer games, they promote violence and murder and war. Death and destruction is all you humans know about.

“And that is why I shall end it. End all human life. With this chemo-genetic detonator, I will wipe out the entire human race from the face of this planet.

“So says… the ANIHILIST!”

Precog from The Uprising

from the 2012 Series by Uncle Edna

Magic.

[Quote of the post] Not music. Magic.
[Song of the post] All of them.

I just came back from the ACS Lights Camera Action: Celebrating 40 Years of Music Making concert. And once again, I felt kinda alone there. I guess I was hearing more than just the music.

This is obviously so cliche, but music isn't just about noise or performers or good sounds. It induces a feeling; something in people that causes emotion. That's what they all say. That's why good music can move people. That's why movies have musical themes.

But music is more than that. Music is also a story; a very melodious one. Classical music is the best example of this; instrumentals usually have more of a story than ones with lyrics. And it's so amazing; when I close my eyes during the Jurassic Park Theme, I can see the dinosaurs; during the Pirates of the Caribbean theme, I can see the ships, the pirates, Jack Sparrow...

And then just sitting in the centre of the parents who are just there to hear their son or daughter play, or the friends who came just for support... I had the feeling that nobody was really appreciating the music. In the end there was no shout of 'encore'.

So now I'm home, alone again, feeling just like I just came out of a lecture about British comedy, trying to find a song that can fix my empty heart. Sounds so poetic, but that's all I can feel right now.

Kinda ironic that I watched Happy Feet just this morning. Movies have this way of telling you that different is good. But different is just lonely in this real world. The songs are great though. And I'm tapdancing everywhere I go now.

I am a writer.

[Quote of the post] Idealists have to be right; perfectionists only have to be perfect.
[Song of the post] Stand Out - A Disney Movie

Woah. I have blogged o_O. After such a long time too. I promise to blog about FPS Melbourne and IBA soon, but right now I'm trying to get rid of excess thoughts from recent events which has... um... I dunno; destablized my life? Lost me some friends and won some enemies I think.

Recently there's been a bit of... commotion. Stuff to do with best friends and insecurities and relationships, among other things. I've needed somewhere to throw out all my thoughts about this, and well, here it is.

I want to remind people that I am not a psychologist. I am a writer and these are just some thoughts and observations made up by the horribly conspiricist think-tank which is my brain. Also, names aren't going to be mentioned here. It's not worth it.

Right, let's begin. Firstly, there's a lot of people who consider me as their best friend. I'm not sure if they've been doing so for a long time or that it's only appearing now, but I know that a lot more people want me to be their best friend. It's kinda weird; for the past seven years I have never had a best friend, yet alone have people who want me to be theirs; and now best friends are popping up all over the place like I'm some celebrity or something.

I don't know why; maybe it's because puberty is starting to kick in. Like Artemis Fowl said, "Puberty is a wonderful thing." Or something like that. I only read that book once. (I'm technically not even done yet.) Someone else said that these people are behaving the way they are because they just realized that their family isn't going to have any descendants at the rate they're going. Which I think is slightly more harsh. But there you go.

It's at this age that teenagers start developing, or at least, revealing, their insecurities, their feelings, their true colours. And, because we're all rich and gifted, we worry about our relationships. We start thinking about our friends; observing, thinking, assuming, then concluding. Sometimes wrongly. But we make mistakes because we're just human. Sure. Aren't we all.

We're rich and gifted. Gifted. "GEP students aren't always smarter than the others. They just think differently." When you're trained in scientific and logical reasoning, and are deprived in areas like music and art *ahemstupidibcuricculum* and creative thinking, you start to infer. Logically. Based on unfound assumptions. Based on worst-case scenarios. Which brings your conclusions further and further from the truth. And then when people act on these assumption-conclusions, without thinking of the other possibilities, everything crashes.

I feel slightly honoured and puzzled that people want me as their best friend. I guess that just goes to show that people don't know me that well. I'm not a whole, pure person on the inside. I just care for people a lot. And that's what makes me best friend material? Just because I sit with you, listen to you, care for you; that makes me a best friend?

A lot of times, poeple are just out to make you feel guilty. Most humans are very self-centred; they want people to do or act or think or be what they want. It's a survival thing; I don't blame them. Another thing; people are manipulative. They only hear what they want to hear. And to do that they ask certain questions to get people to say what they want to hear. The next two paragraphs are from Delanceyplace.com, who quotes Daniel Gilbert, Harvard College Professor of Psychology at Harvard University. I think it's a great quote, and it really captures what I'm trying to say.

"... Of course, other people ... are the richest source of information about the wisdom of our decisions, the extent of our abilities, and the effervescence of our personalities. Our tendency to expose ourselves to information that supports our favored conclusions is especially powerful when it comes to choosing the company we keep. ... [W]e spend countless hours carefully arranging our lives to ensure that we are surrounded by people who like us, and people who are like us. It isn't surprising then that when we turn to the folks we know for advice and opinions, they tend to confirm our favored conclusions--either because they share them or because they don't want to hurt our feelings by telling us otherwise. Should people in our lives occasionally fail to tell us what we want to hear, we have some clever ways of helping them.

"For example, studies reveal that people have a penchant for asking questions that are subtly engineered to manipulate the answers they receive. A question such as 'Am I the best lover you've ever had?' is dangerous because it has only one answer that can make us truly happy, but a question such as 'What do you like best about my lovemaking?' is brilliant because it has only one answer that can truly make us miserable. Studies show that people intuitively lean toward asking the questions that are most likely to elicit the answers they want to hear. ... In short, we derive support for our preferred conclusions by listening to the words that we put in the mouths of people who have already been preselected for their willingness to say what we want to hear.

I've got to admit that I'm a victim to this too. Nevertheless, it's causing a lot of relationship problems between certain people, because the answers aren't what the questioners expect to hear. Talk about suicide, asking subtle questions, saying stuff then overlooking them: these are all ways of extracting sympathy from the person you converse with. Words are also one of the post potent weapons in this conflict. When people don't know how to use words properly, or use the wrong word, or get misunderstood, that's where all the explosions and conflicts begin.

I think it's the Singaporean "kiasu" mentality that keeps people gunning for a "best" friend. Singaporeans want to have the best of everything: best grades, best car, best game, best movie, etc. So why not best friend? Is there something about "best" that incites a certain feeling in our people? Americans don't have problems with best friends. Neither do the Australians or Britons. I don't know much about China; I don't watch their movies.

Look: bottom line is, I can't be everybody's best friend. It undermines the meaning of "best". But I can be a friend. That's about all that I'm good at. Please don't take that away from me. There are other forms of friends I can be to you: close, great, good. It doesn't have to be "best". Just like your exam results.

Another thing: forcing other people to figure out your feelings or your meanings isn't going to help you a lot. Speaking in a cryptic way, swerving around the subject, saying something then saying, "never mind", in the hopes that the person will figure you out and solve all your problems: it doesn't work that way. Not with me anyway. Some people are just lazy to figure out what you are trying to say. If you do it repeatedly for a long time, people are going to get irritated. People are just going to think that you can keep your secrets; if you don't want to tell me, I'm not a good enough friend. Same reasoning as, "if you don't listen to me and don't pay attention to me, you're not a good enough friend". It works the same way: it doesn't.

I'm not asking people to change who you are based on my advice. I'm not even giving advice. I'm making observations and conclusions, which could be outrageously wrong because I don't have all the information. I'm a scientist too, and am somehow stuck with the theory of causality: cause and effect. "When you've been in the business as long as I have, you stop believing in coincidences." --V for Vendetta. People generally act in the same way, but that doesn't mean that they cannot and will not change.

I am not a psychologist. I am not a psychaiatrist. I am an observer and a writer; I see and make note. This is not advice or a hint to tell you that I don't like you. These are notes, observations, conclusions. They may not be right; I'd be surprised if they were. I'm just making links between facts; just like a scientist.

The world really is weird. You have all these writers, artists, film directors, storytellers, essentially dictating to the world what people should be like, should behave like, should be living like. And it's not like they're trying to control your life. They're suggesting. Giving a strong hint.

Why don't people stop and listen instead of just hearing.

STUPID FROZEN TRACTORS part VI

I am so going to hate Geog tomorrow.

1. Why does the graph show low temperatures throughout the year even though the country is located near the equator? (3m)

There are many factors which which could have influenced the shape of the graph. The temperature could have been accidentally mistaken in say, oh, I dunno, maybe a certain super-freezing ice-cold boarding school examination hall with sickening subzero temperatures and snow all year round.

3. c) Explain why snow forms. (6m)

Someone turned up the air-conditioning to full blast at the lowest possible temperature.

42. f) (xii) XXVIII. Describe the problems caused by primitive farming techniques. (1m)

Primitive farming techniques include slash-and-burn methods practiced in many areas of Indonesia. Because of the large-scale buirning of trees, thick haze is produced, and winds may carry it over Southeast Asia. The increase in pollutants in the atmosphere contributes to the global warming effect, raising temperatures on a worldwide level. If such this happens, then people will resort to turning down the temperature of their air-conditioning units to attempt to cool themselves. However, not everyone is able to take such frigid temperatures, because of Darwin's theory of Evolution and genetic reasons. Therefore these people will freeze and slowly become extinct. When the frozen people are thrown of of the hall building, their thawing corpses will decompose, which will fertilize the soil. This makes it easier for trees to grow, which farmers will burn down using primitive farming techniques. And thus the cycle begins again.

Sigh.

STUPID FROZEN TRACTORS part V

Suicide in the Exams

I knew a simple student boy,
Who lived through school in simple joy.
Not the class's brightest spark,
But still he gets an average mark.

In winter exams cold and glum,
With chills and frost and feeling dumb,
His answers all froze in his brain,
Did nothing except freeze in pain.

You angry bunch with icy heart,
Who can't stand noise when it all starts,
Go home, cool off, and never know,
The hall where cold and icy snow.

STUPID FROZEN TRACTORS part IV

"Hey Andrew. What's up?"

"Oh, nothing. I've just got this bomb defusal test tomorrow, and I don't feel like studying for it."

"Oh yeah, that one. I hate bomb defusal. Do you know how complicated it is? All the tangle of wires! Why can't terrorists design simple bombs for a change?"

"That's not what I'm worried about. You know the test was set long ago right? Way at the beginning of the year?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Well, I just find it very... well, I don't know how to say it. The test is already fixed; the test detonator tomorrow is already set, and we have to memorize this thick a book just to defuse one bomb."

"Yeah, I know, but once we become qualified, we'll be able to help people, if terrorists use a different bomb."

"Yeah, but still. I mean it's kind of a hit-or-miss thing, isn't it? The question is already there, and so now we're just memorizing the answer to every possible question in the hopes that it comes out tomorrow. It's so... based on chance."

"Well, that's one way of putting it. You know what I hate though? It's the stupid instructors. They keep prowling around the defusal area, breathing down your neck. They even demand that you stop smiling. Like it's not stressful enough that you're defusing a nuclear warhead; you've got to be serious doing it? And you know the new rule?"

"What new rule?"

"You know the padded gloves? The ones we have to use at all times in case it's we come across a biochemical warhead? Yeah, they said that unless we use the ones sold in the camp, we're not allowed to use them at all!"

"What? Why?? The padded gloves they sell here aren't thick enough; they're no protection at all. I just bought my own gloves; they're thicker and provide more protection. You mean they're not allowed?"

"Nope. I heard the Sargeant say, 'If you don't have the camp ones you won't be able to wear them at all!' So I guess they aren't allowed."

"That makes totally no sense at all! There's no reason whatsoever to use the camp gloves; outside ones serve the exact same purpose; they even function better! This is so stupid!"

"Tell me about it. I heard rumour say that it's because they're trying to make a profit in this, by banning gloves from external sources they make a lot of money selling their own."

"Why that's outrageous!"

"Yeah, well, it is just a rumour though. And you know their excuse for those who don't have army gloves? 'You've been here three years already; don't tell me you don't have one.' What utter nonsense."

"Alright, I better go memorize every single bomb defusal kit. See you later, Paul."

"Good luck, friend."

STUPID FROZEN TRACTORS part III

[Song of the post] Fragments of Memories - Final Fantasy VIII

AskEdna! Frequently Asked Questions

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Nevertheless, notes can be found here free for downloading. Please remember that these files are copyright of their respective owners under legal law.

"HOW DO I STUDY FOR C MATHS???"

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Read your notes. Know thy mistakes. Stop wasting time asking questions like this and go mug.

STUPID FROZEN TRACTORS part II

[Quote of the post] "Because it is my jacket! Because I can never have another one in my life! I hahve given you my sweater; leave me my jacket!"
[Song of the post] You'll Think of Me - Keith Urban

I wonder how people take exams at the North Pole.

"Stop talking! Stop smiling!" shouted the teacher from the front. "If not I'll make you stay back until sunset today to help me gut fish."

"Er, sir?" one student asked bravely. "Sunset today is at 1.30pm. It's winter you know right? If you can count it as winter," he added.

Just as the teacher was about to retort, another student raised his hand. Suppressing his anger, the teacher turned to the new boy. "Yes?"

"Sir? I'm just asking... could you turn down the temperature?"

"What do you mean?" growled the teacher.

"Well, the heaters are turned up to the maximum, and it's too hot! I mean even our tables are melting, and our papers are getting wet." the student held a soggy sheet of paper to emphasize his point.

"No...! You think you're hot? How about all the others who are cold? I can't turn down the heaters just because you are hot, you have to think of the others as well!"

"Alright sir, then can we at least be allowed to take off our uniforms? The polar bear-skin coat is making me sweat so much I'm as wet as my exam paper."

"No...! Unless your underwear is school-branded, you're not allowed to show it! Your coat is school-branded; that's fine, but you're not allowed to flaunt non-school clothing in school. You know that!"

"But I'm melting in here!"

"Too bad! You should be lucky you have heaters, you know? In my day we had nothing, just blocks of ice and our fur coats. I had to rub myself down with seal blubber before coming to school! Be lucky you've got heaters!"

And thus the students had to take their exams in swealtering hot conditions.

Sigh.

STUPID FROZEN TRACTORS

[Quote of the post] "I wanted to give you this bookmark, but it's in the book, how? Never mind; I'll give you the book too." --Mr Ng
[Song of the post] Boston - Augustana

Hello! I realized I haven't posted in a long time, and I haven't posted anything useful in a long time, so this time since I'm a bit happier and less angsty and everything, I'm going to past a rant. Whee!

STUPID FROZEN TRACTORS. RAHH RAHH RAHH -__-

Exams have started and today was Language Arts Unseen Written Commentary Paper One. Passage, ironically enough, was from NARAYAN. Oh well. I think I'm gonna fail. OH WELL. At least I haven't failed yet.

And then the poem. RAHH RAHH RAHH -__-

Of all the poems they could have chosen, they had to choose something involving Ted Huges' frozen tractor. -__- I mean, just look at it! "Freezing", "Subzero", "Icy", "Chilly"... words like that appeared every five words. Normally this would be fine and all, but there was too much cold imagery. I couldn't warm up to it. And then coincidentally our exam takes place in the STUPIDLY FREEZING BOARDING SCHOOL DINING HALL with SUBZERO TEMPERATURES and what's even more important that ANYTHING THAT ISN'T SCHOOL RELATED IS BANNED. Which means I freeze. Go figure.

Oh well, rant over. I hate frozen tractors. Good luck for the rest of the week!

The Universal Truth

[Quote of the post] "What have I got? I... I've got to get outta here." --Cosmo, Singing in the Rain
[Song of the post] Make 'Em Laugh - Singing in the Rain

Things just aren't what they... I don't know whether to use "were" or "should be" here. There's something about them that isn't right. There are so many things that have just been lost from the "universal truth".

Like school. It's never been about marks and scores; it's never been about test or exams; it's never been about being better than others or bans from contributing or homework or rules about jackets. It's been about passing on ideas; it's been about accumulating knowledge; it's been about making friends and helping one another and growing up. It's been about learning.

Like movies. It's never been about sharp action scenes or explosive sound effects; it's never been about a macho hero and his sexy co-star; it's never been about merchandising or piracy or making profits or commercialism. It's been about entertaining the audience; it's been about expression when you need the right setting; it's been about a tale of love and the goodness in people and making them laugh. It's been about telling a story not matter how long it takes.

Voices

[Quote of the post] The voices in my head tell me that I'm not mad.
[Song of the post] Seasons of Love - Rent

...lie and I cannot live it anymore...
...good then - it is evil, and I do it!...
...doing good deeds doesn't automatically make you good...
...take it as tuition fee...
...my fault...
...does it really matter whose fault it is...
...STOP ANGSTING!!!...
...maybe I'll bring a blanket; there aren't any rules about "school blankets" is there...
...it's like to be over-conscious?...
...give you my warmth, haha...
...saying it just to make me happy...
...you need to learn to trust your friends...
...what is right and what is common sense...
...only going to rest; I'm not sleeping...
...like everything that comes out of your mouth must be golden...
...you know why I don't like talking to you?...
...if you were John Proctor, what would you do...
...for you, it's "you cannot take the easy way"...
...you shall now be known as "The Angst"...
...tall and smart and creative and...
...what do you think about me?...
...soul has been corrupted...
...can't do everything together...
...going for LDP or not?...
...if you know it's on Friday then forget about it...
..."Crocodile Hunter" Steve Irwin died yesterday from a stingray barb...
...is it my turn next...
...your time is running out...
...don't like this, always last minute...
...for I am the centre of the universe...
...is it enough? Is morality enought to hold back my inner...
...you cannot survive in this world...
...why are you always afraid to say...
...honour. It is something people these days don't have anymore...
...listen to your heart and your soul, not your head...
...don't have to be perfect...
...I am no saint; for me it is fraud!...
...perfect and ideal are two different things!...
...don't wanna think anymore...
...I'll tell you later...
...not supposed to understand why it works this way, only how...
...but the voices in my head tell me that I am not mad.

Telling

[Quote of the post] Cleave to no friend when friendship brings sadness.
[Song of the post] Just the Way You Are - Billy Joel

You promised you’d tell.

I know, but–

You promised!

I don’t want to anymore. It’s stupid.

No it’s not! Everybody’s always telling you, speak up, share your burden, it’s better if you let it all out and–

For what? So that they can waste their time thinking about me and my problems and then telling me things I want to hear?

It would be worse if you kept to yourself and made everyone else worry.

That is what everyone says.

Yes. No matter how much you tell them not to worry, they still will. That is because they’re your friends.

I know that they’re my friends, but am I friend to them? Who knows – what – how –

Peace. It seems that we have reached the heart of the matter. Now, calm down, and speak your mind.

…

Well?

Do you know what it’s like, to be… conscious… of everything?

Huh? What do you mean?

I’ve… I’ve mentioned it before. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like, knowing everything and feeling everything and thinking two million steps ahead and–

Woah, slow down. I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean.

I told you, it’s hard to explain. It’s more like a feeling; a consciousness… the closest analogy I can think of is if you think your spouse is cheating on you…

Hmm…

…but multiplied a thousand times. Every time someone does something, or something happens, my brain kicks in, and it starts thinking, thinking, thinking… What caused this? What’s going to happen next? What will happen if I do this? Will it hurt anyone? I dunno; it is called being over-analytical? I know normal people don’t do this – at least not to the extent which I do – and it doesn’t help that I… I…

Yes?

I wasn’t intending to tell you any of this you know. Maybe I shouldn’t have.

But you have already started; why not finish it?

Sigh… How much do you know about the future?

Not much, why?

Neither do I. And humans naturally fear what they do not know or understand.

So you’re saying you fear the unknown. What has that got to do with anything?

So I try to make things go my own way. I calculate, I plan, and because of the over-consciousness I mentioned earlier, I sorta like… know how it’s going to turn out, how people are going to act or think or feel. It’s stupid and it’s selfish, but it’s what my human instinct does to assure myself that I know what’s going to happen.

I… I see.

And, it’s so… so bad. I mean, I’m running away from my fears instead of confronting it; instead of facing the future I’m tweaking the circumstances so that I’m at least half sure of how it turns out. Why do I care so much? Why do I worry about the future? What can I do to make it stop…?

There is something more, I can tell.

I don’t know; I mean, all this calculation, all this planning, does it not make me cunning, sneaky, sly? If I had taken the wrong path back then, I would be a verydifferent person now! Think about it!

Yet you are not the person you speak of. You are not cunning or sneaky or sly. Calculative, yes, but that could be in a good way.

Yes, I know, but you don’t understand, the only thing keeping it in is my morality, and–

And that is good! Precisely: you have a morality, that is what sets you apart from–

You don’t understand. What if it’s gone? What if, suddenly, one day, my morality disappears? Will these inner demons spring loose? And however thick the morality barrier might be, do you know what it feels like? When you are trying to be good and kind and yet there are these monsters in your soul being suppressed by your willpower and morals… it feels like I’m living a lie! Like what I’m showing isn’t my true self…

You mean you want to have these bad things as your true self?

No…! I don’t… I can’t… they’re just there, and I can’t do anything to get rid of them; I mean, how do I know what to do?

Yet you are suppressing them; that is good enough. Even if those demons were your true self, why would you want to show them to the world?

Because I do not wish to lie! I have done it before; I am paying the consequences now; and I do not wish to do it again. My friends have the right to know; they have the right to know what is underneath, what I am capable of; so that they can make the choice of whether to be around me or not, knowing that I have the potential to hurt them.

But your morality restrains you. Is that not enough?

My will is weak. My soul is weak. If it breaks–

What if it doesn’t? What if you know how to behave properly with your friends?

I have told you: I don’t know. In every situation, in every choice, there are many possible outcomes; I choose to act on the worst possible, just in case.

You will never get far in life that way.

What does my life matter? It is of others, their life, their happiness… I am a volatile explosion of emotions; I would not risk being around people when I exude my sadness aura. If I make other people sad, then there is no reason to be around other people.

Then be happy, and make others happy.

And lie again?

Maybe… maybe you’re thinking too deeply into this whole situation.

No. No I’m very sure I’m not. I’m very sure, because… because…

Bye Bye Pluto

Pluto, we hardly knew you
Dwarf planet's falling star proves downsizing is universal reality
- C.W. Nevius
Sunday, August 27, 2006

The recent news of the demotion of the planet Pluto to "dwarf planet" status took a lot of people by surprise. With the use of confidential sources, The Chronicle has been able to acquire the exclusive rights to the following correspondence. We feel it adds to the debate of this critical issue.

Memo: To Pluto

From: The Solar System

Subject: Demotion to dwarf planet status.

Dear Pluto:

Whew. This is a tough one. First, I just want you to know that we all feel terrible about this. I think I speak for us all -- Mars, Venus, the whole gang -- when I say you've been like a sun to us. Seriously.

Look, I can't say this is fair. It isn't. Downsizing is just a fact of life these days. It's universal. One minute you're on the "Children's Guide to the Solar System," and the next you're a black hole. Who knows how they make these calls at headquarters?

I do have to say, in all honesty, that there were some problems. A lot of it was just image stuff. We've talked about this before. Like, what makes Mercury so hot anyhow? It is hard to fight perceptions like that.

And, to be brutally honest, you probably could have done a better job with your presentation. There were times when you were seen as distant, aloof, even cold. Nobody saw you much. We ran in the same circles for years and years, but I don't think anybody really got to know you. It wasn't just your "eccentric orbit," you know. There were plenty of whispers that you were "way out there," or "too spacey."

As for the jokes, well, I don't think there was much you could do about that. "Hey look, isn't that Pluto? Out by Uranus?" How many times did we hear that one? No matter how many times we explained that Neptune is the planet next to you, it didn't matter. Sophomoric humor is a force that transcends astrophysics.

At the end of the day, I think we all realize that what it really comes down to is Earth. (I know, who made them the center of the universe?) Earth, with its big, gassy atmosphere and all those peeping pointy-headed scientists with their telescopes.

They act like they created planets. Hello? Big Bang? Ten billion years ago? Frankly, I don't get it. First they name us, then they take it away. For seventy-some years you were a planet. Now you're a "dwarf planet." What's next, changing your name to "Dopey"?

But there was a time, eh, when you were a star. Back in the 1930s, you were mysterious and theoretical. Astronomers on Earth stayed up nights thinking about you. They'd hang around the observatory, just hoping to catch a glimpse of you on a night when you were out with Neptune.

Remember the excitement when they finally saw you? There was all the talk about what your name should be. The New York Times got involved, suggesting Minerva, which sounds like a name for a new kitchen range. And then, an 11-year-old girl from England, Venetia Phair, suggested Pluto, and it stuck. (Personally, I'd say if anyone needed a new name it was Venetia Phair, but that's probably just solar snark.)

And all right, as it turned out, Pluto was probably not the most awe-inspiring choice. Jupiter gets to be the giant of the skies, and you turn out to be Mickey Mouse's dog. A bad break, no doubt about it.

Still, there was a window of opportunity there, a chance to make a name for yourself. And I'll be honest, you didn't do much to help matters. It seemed you were never available for photographs. And you projected a chilly, frigid atmosphere. It wasn't inviting, frankly.

The more they got to know you, the more there were doubts. They said you lacked "gravitas." The whisper campaign began. You were smaller than seven moons in the solar system, even -- and this was a killer -- Earth's moon.

I don't have to tell you how it all unraveled from there. There was sniping about your "oblong orbit." (Hey, we all accept the orbit we're given. It's a universal law.) A low point had to be when that big ball of ice, UB313, was put up for planethood in 2003. Hey, it's a solar system, not a Little League team. Not everybody gets to play, OK?

Yanking your planet status is a blow, no doubt about it. More than anything, I suppose, it is embarrassing. But you'll get over it. The sun will come up again in another 162 hours, just like always.

The good news is, you still have a chance to shine. Earth scientists say they are going ahead with the $700 million New Horizons spacecraft flyby. It is expected to pass you on July 14, 2015.

We're all pulling for you when that happens. We know that when they see you up close and in person they will understand that you are not some dwarf, or a "minor planet," but a key part of the solar system. We'd just say that you should always remember who you are and what we think of you.

You rock.

Source
--------------------
Seven Dwarfs speak out on Pluto saga

Los Angeles - Pluto may have been cast out to the darkest reaches of the Solar System but will always be a friend to the Seven Dwarfs.

The Walt Disney characters have issued a hard-hitting statement after the world's top astrononomical body decided on Thursday to relegate Pluto to the lowly status of a "dwarf planet".

School textbooks will have to be rewritten - and Mickey Mouse's faithful companion is said by Disney insiders to be anguished over the fate of his planetary namesake.

But the Seven Dwarfs are not taking it lying down.

"Although we think it's DOPEY that Pluto has been downgraded to a dwarf planet, which has made some people GRUMPY and others just SLEEPY, we are not BASHFUL in saying we would be HAPPY if Disney's Pluto would join us as an eighth dwarf," they insisted.

"We think this is just what the DOC ordered and is nothing to SNEEZE at."

Pluto the dog made his debut in 1930 - the same year that a 24-year-old American astronomer, Clyde Tombaugh, discovered what until now was called the ninth and outermost planet.

A white-gloved, yellow-shoed source close to Disney's top dog said: "I think the whole thing is goofy.

"Pluto has never been interested in astronomy before, other than maybe an occasional howl at the moon."

Mickey Mouse was unavailable for comment.

Source

--------------------
Spitz: Pluto blow has Scorpio seeing stars
By Julia Spitz/ Daily News columnist
Sunday, August 27, 2006

So an underperforming planet gets downsized.

Big deal.

It's a jungle out there, Pluto. You can't keep up with new demands, you get demoted and your job gets outsourced to other parts of the galaxy.

That's the way it works in the real world.

No, I wasn't shedding any tears over the dim orb's boot from the solar system when news of the ouster broke on Thursday.

If Pluto wasn't able to read the signs, like its underling moon Charon trying to take Pluto's place in the universe, well, the ice-ball deserved whatever stockholders, the International Astronomical Union general assembly in Prague, meted out. If management chose to dump Pluto and promote an asteroid like Ceres, well, it was no skin off my hide.

Then I read the front page of The Wall Street Journal Friday morning and realized what a fool I'd been.

My very life is tied to Pluto's fate.

Like roughly one-12th of the world's population, I'm a Scorpio, born between Oct. 23 and Nov. 21, and Pluto is the ruler of my slice of the heavens.

"Scorpios are the most intense, profound, powerful characters in the zodiac," according to astrology-online.com. "Even when they appear self-controlled and calm, there is a seething intensity of emotional energy under the placid exterior."

You betcha.

Condoleezza Rice, Tonya Harding, Teddy Roosevelt, Marie Antoinette, Pat Buchanan, Charles Bronson, George Patton, Katherine Hepburn, Indira Gandhi, Ted Turner, Hillary Clinton, Walter Cronkite and Bill Gates are an intense lot indeed, all born under the sign of the Scorpion, all ruled by the planet Pluto.

But if Pluto's not a planet anymore, who's our ruler?

Some asteroid called UB313?

A Scorpio like me savors the descriptions "powerful, passionate, determined, forceful, emotional and intuitive" associated with the sign. And like most Scorpios, I like the reputation of having a dark side. Thanks to Pluto's influence, I don't have to make threats. I merely point out my sign and watch people fall in line.

Who's going to be scared of someone under the influence of UB313?

No one. Not even a Virgo.

Sure, some cooler-headed astrologers around the world say Pluto's status doesn't matter.

British astrologer Russell Grant said he "will continue to use Pluto because he gives me the ability to look into people's charts and see where they're coming from psychologically," according to a Reuters article.

Wall Street astrologer Arch Crawford told a Bloomberg reporter he's sticking by Pluto too.

"What scientists are saying is not going to exclude its effect," he said.

I'd like to believe him, but I'm a Scorpio. I'm not all that trusting.

So I decided to call the only astrologer listed in phone books from MetroWest and Milford. Perhaps she saw this brouhaha coming. She's on vacation until after Labor Day.

While most news outlets went with the "no need to panic" approach, The Wall Street Journal article had something deeply disturbing buried on the jump page. There, way inside the A section, were two Web-based stargazers suggesting we should embrace Ceres as a more compassionate and humanitarian influence, "a maternal energy" if you will.

Scorpios are perfectly capable of compassion if it suits our purposes, thank you very much. We're even capable of being humanitarian. But maternal? No. We have a reputation to protect. We're the sexy sign. Hot-blooded. Hot-tempered.

And after Scorpios get mad, we get even.

Laura Bush is a Scorpio. Surely she could convince her husband this is a mistake of nuclear proportion.

If he's busy with other matters, he could assign Hillary's hubby and Laura's father-in-law to undertake another tag-team ambassadorial tour of duty and force those astronomers into a coalition of the willing to admit they were wrong.

Maybe Condi Rice can come to the defense of her fellow Scorpions. She should be able to finesse Pluto back into power with some sort of behind-the-scenes diplomacy.

And if all else fails, we'll rely on our numbers to reclaim our ruler.

Rise up, Scorpios. We need Pluto and Pluto needs us. Whatever it takes to get us back to our passionate, powerful, dark selves, that's what needs to happen.

Pluto, if that means a pay cut or a little groveling, step up and do the right thing. Just make sure you get your title back.

How about planet emeritus?

That should be enough to make everything right with the universe again.

Source
--------------------
Bye bye, Pluto.

Different yet Exactly the Same

[Quote of the post] "You know Beyond Borders? It's Kinokuniya." --Jarrel Seah
[Song of the post] Hard for me to say Sorry - Chicago

Everybody's different. You've probably heard that a thousand times before, from Disney, from your teacher, from your parents. Everybody's different, with each of their own specialties, distintive qualities, uniqueness. Not even identical twins are totally congruent. People just... do different things. Life is unfair; some people get more than others.

So why does the world expect otherwise? Why can't you do this; he can! What is the reason for expecting everyone to perform the same task, do the same thing, act the same way? Sometimes it's out of their capabilities; there's nothing you can do about that. If he can do it, so can you! No I can't. I'm not like him. I'm different.

So why do some people want to be like other people? Does it have anything to do with democracy? Where the majority is always "right"? Does it have anything to do with the fact that if you're different, you're the minority, you're "wrong"? That could explain it.

So why do people like comparing? Why confuse yourself with the shades of grey, when there are only two distinct sides? You're good, but not good enough. Can't anybody just be good? Must they be better? Why can't a movie just be great, why must it be better than something else? Why can't this food just be good, why must you say it's not as good as the one I ate before. Can't you just be on one end of the river? It's hard enough without people judging how close you are to the bank.

Same difference.

After ATC

Wargh, just got back from ATC and it's horrible and my body is aching all over but it's not as horrible as I expected it to be which is nice and we didn't get any scolding or pushups but I'm still really tired and I'm happy I'm home and I get to eat proper food again yay!

Good Day(s)

[Quote of the post]
Me: "I don't really care about it anymore, sir."
Sir (jokingly): "You're my hero."
[Song of the post] Love Me - Collin Raye / Good Day - The Click Five

If you get there before I do,
Don't wait up for me.
I'll meet you when my camp is through;
I don't know how long I'll be.
But I'm not gonna slow you down,
So please don't wait for me.
And between now and then,
Until I see you again,
I'll be loving you.
Love, Me.

--------------------
Good Day - The Click Five

I woke up early in my hotel room
Wait for my alarm to go
I think about the things I've gotta do
D*mn my mind is gonna blow

I'm freaking out about what's ahead
Maybe I'll just stay in bed
Cause it's no fun to be the one
Going out of my head
So I tell it to myself again

You're looking for something you can't find
If you give it up you'll lose your mind
There's always something in your way
But what can you say
You're gonna have a good day

I quit my job about a week ago
Told them that I need some time
Now I'm going strong on Lexapro
Doctor says I'm doing fine

I'm freaking out about what's ahead
Maybe I'll just stay in bed
Cause it's no fun to be the one
Going out of my head
So I tell it to myself again

You're looking for something you can't find
If you give it up you'll lose your mind
There's always something in your way
But what can you say
You're gonna have a good day

Just when I thought
I couldn't lose
I realized it's the only thing
I knew
Oh

I'm freaking out about what's ahead
Maybe I'll just stay in bed
Cause it's no fun to be the one
Going out of my head
So I tell it to myself
Tell it to myself
Tell it to myself again

You're looking for something you can't find
If you give it up you'll lose your mind
There's always something in the way

You're looking for something you can't find
If you give it up you'll lose your mind
There's always something in your way
But what can you say

You're looking for something you can't find
If you give it up you'll lose your mind
There's always something in your way
But what can you say
You're gonna have a good day
You're gonna have a good day
You're gonna have a good day

The Centre of the Universe

Oh no I'm becoming like Michael Wee. x_x

The Centre of the Universe

But I'm always here, if you want me -
For I am the centre of the universe.

Reading. Another story of joy
And laughter. And I find myself
Not in it.

And then I tell myself, I don't have
To be. "Self-worship kills," says
Mister John Proctor Wong
And I know it must be so.

Like the no-smoking sign
Which boldly proclaims "LOOK HERE"
Like the drunk time-past actor
Getting his name in the tabloids
Like the endangered species of tiger
Crying out for attention

And I much keep reminding myself
That I am NOT the centre of the universe
There are five billion, nine-hundred
ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred ninety
nine other people out there
(give or take a few thousand or so)
And they can have friends
That are not me

That the world revolves around the sun
And though I have a father
I am no bright shining star
To light the path

Confusingly
I hypocrite myself
These verses, all above
Nothing but me, me, me
Myself and Irene
Lost
In the centre of the universe

So don't look for me
I will be there
Don't call for me
I will answer
Buy maybe, from a place far away.

But I'm always here, if you want me -
For I am the centre of the universe.

--------------------
The Centre of the Universe by Paul Durcan

Pushing my trolley about in the supermarket;
I am the centre of the universe;
Up and down the aisles of beans and juices,
I am the centre of the universe;
It does not matter that I live alone;
It does not matter that I am a jilted lover;
It does not matter that I am a misfit in my job;
I am the centre of the universe.

But I'm always here, if you want me -
For I am the centre of the universe.

I enjoy being the centre of the universe.
It is not easy being the centre of the universe
But I enjoy it.
I take pleasure in,
I delight in,
Being the centre of the universe.
At six o'clock a.m. this morning I had a phone call;
It was from a friend, a man in Los Angeles;
"Paul, I don't know what time it is in Dublin
But I simply had to call you:
I cannot stand LA so I thought I'd call you."
I calmed him down as best I could.

But I'm always here, if you want me -
For I am the centre of the universe.

I had barely put the phone down when it rang again,
This time from a friend in Sao Paulo in Brazil:
"Paul - do you know what is the population of Sao Paulo?
I will tell you: it is twelve million skulls.
Twelve million pairs of feet in one footbath.
Twelve million pairs of eyes in one fishbowl.
It is unspeakable, I tell you, unspeakable."
I calmed him down.

But I'm always here, if you want me -
For I am the centre of the universe.

But then when the phone rang a third time and it was not yet 6.30 a.m.,
The petals of my own hysteria began to wake up and unfurl.
This time it was a woman I know in New York City:
"Paul - Ney York City is a Cage",
And she began to cry a little over the phone,
To sob over the phone,
And from five thousand miles away I mopped up her tears.
I dabbed each tear from her cheek
With just a word or two or three from my calm voice.

I'm always here, if you want me -
For I am the centre of the universe.

But now tonight it is myself;
Sitting at my aluminium double-glazed window in Dublin city;
Crying just a little bit into my black tee shirt.
If only there was just one human being out there
With whom I could make a home? Share a home?
Just one creature out there in the night-
Is there not just one creature out there in the night?
In Helsinki, perhaps? Or in Reykjavik?
Or in Chapelizod? or in Malahide?
So you see, I have to calm myself down also
If I am to remain the centre of the universe;
It's by no means an exclusively self-centred automatic thing
Being the centre of the universe.

I'm always here, if you want me -
For I am the centre of the universe.

Bed of Lies

No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I am

I don't think that I can take another empty moment
I don't think that I can fake another hollow smile
It's not enough just to be lonely
I don't think that I could take another talk about it

Just like me you got needs
And they're only a whisper away
And we softly surrender
To these lives that we've tendered away

No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I'm marking it down to learning
Cause I am

I don't wanna be the one who turns the whole thing over
I don't wanna be somewhere where I just don't belong
Where it's not enough just to be sorry
Don't you know I feel the darkness closing in

I tried to be more than me
And I gave till it all went away
And we've only surrendered
To the worst part of these winters that we've made

No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I'm marking it down to learning

I am all that I'll ever be
When you - lay your hands
Over me but don't go weak on me please
I know that it's weak
But God help me I need this

I will not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I'm marking it down to learning
cause I am

Haven! <3

[Song of the post] Bed Haven of Soundtrack Lies - Matchbox Haven Twenty (Youtube Warning!)

Haven Lies. was All amazing. lies. It I did was it spectacular. again. The And music in was front brilliant. of It my was best just friends really too. good. I And wouldn’t the mind look watching on it Zhang’s again face. and D*** again. I feel And like Mr. killing Quek, myself or right should now. I What say, type Mr. of Director, person he am was I? great Some too. sick, He disgusting was person, under that’s a what. lot And of yesterday pressure morning, the I past did it few again, days I repeated and, it, well, after not everything it’s that all happened paying the off. night He before. looked And really what’s happy the last use, night. what’s I the mean, use at of the feeling end guilty of and the ashamed performance, if the I’m announced just his going name, to and do it I all was over so again. happy What’s and wrong proud. with I me. don’t Nobody know; can I’ve trust never me felt anymore; proud I of can’t anyone even before, trust but myself. last I night, cried it again was last a night. real After feeling, I something told I’ve Zhang never I honestly couldn’t felt make before. it. I Seems was like laughing I and keep shouting crying and a everything. lot It more was these one days, of haha. those And moments, tomorrow, where, I in don’t the know movies, whether the to character forsake would my yell, friends “That’s for my homework. teacher! It’s That’s not my like teacher!” I’ll to make every much single difference person anyway. around I him. know It’s it’s just stupid, so I great know now. it’s And wrong, he but was I’m smiling; going he to hasn’t do been it smiling anyway. for I days. don’t It know just what felt else really to do. good.

Forever and ever

Pooh, there's something I have to tell you
Is it something, nice?
Not, exactly
Then it can wait
It can, for how long?
Forever and ever

Forever and ever
Is a very long time Pooh
Forever isn't long at all
When I'm with you

I wanna call your name, forever
And you will always answer, forever
And both of us will be
Forever you and me
Forever and ever

I wanna stay like this, forever
If only I could promise, forever
Then we could just be we
Forever you and me
Forever and ever

Forever and ever
Is a very long time Pooh
Forever isn't long at all, Christopher
When I'm with you

I wanna be with you, forever
I want you right here beside me, forever
One thing you should know
No matter where I go
We'll always be together
Forever and ever

Perfect.

[Song of the post] Perfect - Simple Plan

How.

How can you know and yet not do. How can you be conscious of the fact that you can do something, you should do something, you MUST; and yet not do it. How can you know what should be done, yet be unable to do it.

How.

Three weeks ago (was it really that long?) I did something really bad. I tried avoiding people because I couldn't trust myself. But people still came to me, to help me. I thank them. And they mostly said about the same thing: that I was too perfectionist; that I was trying to be too "saintly".

And why not? After all the books, after all the movies, after all the stories and games and television shows, how can you not try to be? After the countless tales of the error of human nature, after all the evil overlords and wicked stepsisters, how can you not try and change yourself, become "better"?

I hobbled up to class today because my muscles were still very weak and I couldn't walk very properly. I used an umbrella as a walking stick. And someone, I will not say who, someone said, "C'mon, stop acting lah. We all know you like acting, so just give me the umbrella and let's go."

Why would he say that. He wouldn't say that unless I gave him reason to say that. I act too much? I'm not serious? I'm a fraud.

Or maybe I'm just like the puritans, trying to rid myself of some evil that doesn't exist and eventually falling into that evil myself. And in the case of what one should do, I shouldn't be doing this right now, this is just stupid; I have galaxies of homework I have to do and besides, normal people don't worry about stupid things like this. Normal people don't think about being perfect and holy and all that rubbish, so why should I. Why am I.

Why.

Gauntlets of Ogre Strength +3

[Quote of the post] "I'm not str... not strong enough." --Mr. Incredible
[Song of the post] Canon in D - Rock Version

I'm not strong enough. I never was strong enough.

Another fever, another twenty-four hours of mind-wrecking muscle pains. Even now, my arms are still so fragile, my legs so weak...

Weak...

I fell sick again on Friday. Sore throat and sneezing in the morning, but that Friday was going to be a wonderful day. I told myself, I must be strong. I went to school.

I ignored the chill winds of the air-conditioning. Ignored the increasing lethargy in my limbs. Ignored the slowing down of my mind. I kept ploughing on, through the day, because that day was supposed to be great. And I couldn't fall sick, because the next day was very important.

An hour before school ended, I had a slight fever. I was sent home. Maybe I shouldn't have sat in the air-con 74. At least I didn't fall asleep and end up in Thomson.

I took lunch at home. The hot food made me sweat. My mom couldn't tell if I had a fever because I was sweating too much. Hmm. Maybe if I got well in time, I could still go for the Math seminar. I went to sleep for an hour to recover. Kev called me; I woke up. He asked if I was going. I thought for a bit. Which is more important? FPS > Math seminar. Alright then, I'll forsake today. I should go rest so that I won't be sick tomorrow.

I woke up again at about 4.30pm. It was cold. But the sun was shining... oh no. Fever. And it suddenly wrapped itself around me, a chill so cold I curled into a ball. Shivering, trembling, I cried out. My mom brought me to my bed. It was so cold...

I took medicine. The fever started to subside. That was good. Then there was something else. Something started rising in my legs. A pain, a burning pain... I couldn't move for the unbearable pain. I kept shouting. The pain was too much. I couldn't take it. My mom told me to keep quiet and stop wailing. It was irritating. I couldn't take the pain. I couldn't. I was too weak...

At night, I thought I could make it for FPS training. No, it was too cold. I could barely speak; my teeth chattered and my words stuttered. I let them know I couldn't come, but I was worried. What would happen the next day if I couldn't make it? I had to know. I had to be strong; I had to heal myself by tomorrow or - argh, the p-pain... th-the c-c-cold...

I called them. I had to know. And when I spoke to them, their voice, their words of care and concern, the soothed the pain, they brought the warmth... and then they had to go. I had to hang up, and the warmth was gone; I was plunged back into the dark nightmare of writhing pain and freezing cold.

That night before I slept, in my fever-induced-delusion, I thanked everyone. I thanked everyone I knew who was worrying about me, who was caring for me, so that, in the slightest chance that I didn't make it...

But I did. The next morning, my fever had gone. My muscle aches only hurt if I exerted them. I could go for the FPS competition. I wouldn't be letting the team down, wouldn't be letting Mr Azmi down. They all put too much into the dream for me to dash it against the rocks just because I got sick.

I got there. A little late, but there nonetheless. I managed to hobble around the campus with my "hurricane". We did the problem. It went quite well, whatever Zhang says. The team postponed the FPS lunch to a time when I got better. So I had to go home.

But I didn't want to. That was where all the cold and pain was. But I had no choice. So I went home, and slept. Had lunch, then slept again. All the way through, until... it got cold again. Mild fever. Too cold... couldn't move... And then I started worrying. If I have fever now, that means that I'm still not well, which means that this morning I still wasn't well, which meant that I could have passed my virus on to anyone of my friends. I wanted to call, to see if they were alright, but then I hesitated. That would be stupid.

And so I have mild fever relapses throughout the night. This morning, though, I'm fine, except for my nose (which still runs) and my muscles, which are still sore.

I still have half a world of homework to finish. My arms still ache and my head still hurts, so getting through them isn't really easy. Coupled with the fact that I could have another fever relapse at any moment...

I'm not strong. I'm weak. My body is weak; my mind is weak; my soul is weak... I'm not strong, desperately clinging on to straws that might help me, supported by other, bigger, better, stronger people. And how am I supposed to help other people, if I'm not strong enough to help myself.

I am.

I am the pencil that draws curtains and breath
pictures and comics and colours of death

I am the sensor that tries hard to feel
yet emotions I project may not be real

I am the fire causing you and me pain
spluttering and crying teardrops in the rain

I am the story which knows what I should do
but reality has a different point of view

I am who I am, but not who I should be
the thunder of lightning and the crash of the sea
Of fragments and layers like broke glass and ogres
I am inside me a world full of monsters

Choices

[Quote of the post] “There’ll come a moment for you to do the right thing.” –Elizabeth Swan
“I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.” –Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
[Song of the post] Pirates of the Caribbean Soundtrack

There’ll come a moment for me to do the right thing.

Choices are hard. Choosing is essentially putting something above another. And… I… just…can’t… do… that… x_x

But decisions have to be made. You can’t walk both paths at the same time. One has to be chosen over the other. To be put in priority while the other shifted back, away from the spotlight.

This is the second decision I’ve been torn apart over in the last two months. (Torn apart meaning I’ve spent more than ten minutes contemplating this; doesn’t count angsting.) The first one was a struggle; a struggle between the needs of six other people and my own needs. I chose my own. I still don’t know if it was the right thing to choose.

Second one was today. This one was about two different people’s needs, not my own. I had to choose one. I did. The person not chosen; he says it’s okay. But I can feel that it’s not okay. I still don’t know if it was the right thing to choose.

There’ll come a moment. Do the right thing.

--------------------

Dead Man’s Chest was AWESOME. Loved the plot, loved the characters, loved the effects, loved the dialogue, the humour, the twists… simply great stuff. I’m booking my World’s End tickets now, if you don’t mind.

No Way Out

[Quote of the post] "So that's what Park meant when he said, 'Oops I pless wrong button!'"
[Song of the post] No Way Out - Phil Colins - Brother Bear



Everywhere I turn, I hurt someone
But there's nothing I can say
to change the things I've done
I'd do anything within my power
I'd give everything I've got
But the path I seek is hidden
from me now

Brother Bear, I let you down
You trusted me, believed in me
and I let you down
Of all the things I hid from you
I cannot hide the shame
And I pray someone
Something will come,
To take away the pain

There's no way out of this dark place
No hope, no future
I know I can't be free
But I can't see another way
I can't face another day

The Reason

[Quote of the post] "You said the world doesn't need a saviour. But everyday, I hear people calling for one." -- Superman
[Song of the post] The Reason - Hoobastank

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didnt do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you

I not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that i do
And the reason is you

----------
Daniel posted this song some time ago; I didn't recognize it then. I guess it kinda explains why I'm doing what I'm doing now.

Stay happy, don't worry about me.

I'm not here

[Song of the post] I'm Still Here (Jim's Theme) - Treasure Planet Soundtrack - John Rezenik

Welcome back to school. What a week it has been.

There’s been something that has been eating at me ever since Saturday. And now I got a lot more questions that won’t be answered.

Saturday: writing 周记 for the part about self reflection. It’s something like this: the mind is split into two parts, conscious and subconscious, right? And when we make decisions or do stuff the conscious part actively supplies reasons to do those things and make choices. But then we also know that the subconscious also, subconsciously, affects how we think and reason and decide. So, how can I know that whatever reason that I supply to my consciousness is the real, right reason, instead of an excuse by my subconscious to cover up the reason which it is supplying?

It’s like, you see a friend in trouble. Decision: help or don’t help. Help. Why? Reason: because he’s my friend, and I have to help him. How do I know that’s the real reason? What if that’s an excuse, a cover up, a lie, a fake reason supplied by the subconscious to hide the real reason. Because it’s the right thing to do. Because he will like me more. Because other people might see and praise me.

“Even the best decision, if made for the wrong reason, can be a bad decision…” –Governor Swan, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

How can I trust myself anymore? How do I know that whatever I do, whatever I decide, I’m doing it for the right reasons, and not for some selfish, personal, subconscious reason? How does the subconscious get populated anyway? With instincts, and with the other side of books, the darker side, it’s like whatever I read gets filtered and the evil sinks into my subconscious.

And what about doing something just because it’s the right thing to do? Every time I see a situation I’m like, what should I do now? And, if it’s with strangers, I’m scared I won’t do the right thing because it would feel so stupid. It’s like, whatever storybook situation, whatever fantasy solution, decision, action; in real life it would feel so stupid.

Monday and Tuesday: rushing Chinese scrapbook. By the early hours of Wednesday morning I was super tired and almost didn’t clear up the mess of newspapers and glue-stuck paper that was on my floor. And when I look at my scrapbook, it looks really, really horrible. And all that effort I put into each article, it feels so wasted when you know that you’re not going to win anything anyway.

And then I ask myself why. Why didn’t I finish it earlier; why couldn’t I have done a better job? And I know the answers. Because I procrastinated. I didn’t feel like doing homework that day. Oh look, I finished this bit; I’ll do the rest tomorrow when I feel like it. A stupid conscious reason, influenced by subconscious feeling. It’s not like people don’t know what they should do. It’s just that they don’t do it.

Tuesday: Chemistry practical. Making crystals with different chemicals. I burnt through my sample on my first trial, and then exploded my boiling tube on the second one. And I stupidly touched a evaporating dish left over a Bunsen flame for fifteen minutes. My worksheets got splattered with a mixture of lead nitrate and distilled water, and I got crystals that looked like gold dust.

You know what it’s like to be bad at something? I’m always the slowest doing chem. prac. and I’m always rushing to clean up at the end. I keep making mistakes; keep messing up stuff; it’s sick being a colour-blind chemist; and I’m always one of the last.

This has nothing to do about you being better than me. When you’re really bad at something in class, you’ll be behind. Alone. And I don’t like being alone. And when you’re good, really good at something, you’re out there, in front, alone. And I don’t like being alone because when I am, my thoughts come out to play.

Why can’t everyone be the same? Then there’d be no discrimination, no loneliness… but if everyone was the same the world would be boring. There wouldn’t be life. The world never works out to be what you want it to be.

Wednesday: Start of The Crucible by Arthur Miller in Language Arts B. Wonderful. If there’s anything that can help my mood, it’s Literature. Mr. Wong started out with the themes, which was stuff about “purification” and “separating the good from the bad” and “inner demons” and whatnot. He said that when people go through difficult situations, their true colours show. And about Proctor fighting his inner demons, which everyone has, and nobody is perfect, and whether and how you fight your imperfections that makes you who you are. Thank you Herrick, you made me laugh.

Thursday: Philosophy of Disipline with (some other) Mr. Wong. Started on what philosophy is and was, and about three great philosophers of ancient times. Philosophy is about questioning the fundamentals of the universe we live in. That’s probably what I’m doing now.

Watching The Crucible in Language Arts A. The actress for Abigail looks a bit like Keira Knightly. More inner demons. Abigail is just… horrible. But Parris and Hale aren’t any better.

Poetry in Language Arts B. The wonderful thing about Literature poems is that they’re almost never happy and they almost never rhyme. I’m probably a boy in a bowler hat.

PC lesson was switching around seats with Mr. Quek. There’s an old saying which goes, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”. Now I’m right at the back. Well, not right at the back, but still far away from the board. And further away from you.

Then there was the whole Boey-Kevin episode which was… it wasn’t really frustrating, just… there. And I don’t think I’ll ever understand either of them.

At night, talking on the phone. First trying to comfort Boey, then confiding in Zhang. I don’t think I went about the right way doing it. I didn’t do anything to help him. I think I actually fed more coal to the fire. And then Zhang. I didn’t want to tell him. But in the end it just came out. Everything – well, almost everything – in this post. I told him (and Kev) the same thing: don’t worry about me, I’ll deal with it. Turns out I can’t. Am I that weak.

Friday: Youth Day celebrations. First people mocking me about my flowery shirt. Then I followed Boey around the entire school campus because I was afraid he might throw himself off. I know what it’s like to be alone. I know what it’s like to be alone and be thinking horrible thoughts. I know what it’s like to say you want to be alone, where in actual fact every cell in your body is screaming, stay and talk to me. That’s what I did. Or at least tried to. It didn’t work as well as I thought it should.

Then Pre-IP Symposium. Mr. Alistair Chew made this really long (and angsty) keynote address about the past 2000 years of human history. And he mentioned Isaac Newton’s Law of Finance: If you make big money, people will come to you. And that’s the basis of the entire world today. Which is totally stupid. My dad talked to me about globalization today, and all its problems come from Newton’s Law of Finance. It’s money that’s making the world go round. It’s money that’s now a basic necessity: without money you can never survive. You could be roaming an Indian marketplace totally starving and totally bankrupt, but then pull out a plastic card and Hey Presto! Ten thousand birds. Then there’s this quote from the Fragile Forest in the Singapore Zoo: “After every tree has been cut down, after every river has been drained, after every animal has been killed, then you will realize that money cannot be eaten.”

Then there’s the symposium itself. I don’t like politics. Let those who like it go do it. I don’t even know why people bother to read, let alone write, 127-page reports. And the teacher-in-charge is encouraging us to “write a resolution which appeals to our country’s interests”. Right. How are we supposed to solve world problems if each and every single diplomat is trying to twist the resolution so it benefits himself and his country? How are we supposed to help people if everyone is being selfish?

Saturday: Geography field trip. It seems like a very rush job. They didn’t really tell us much in advance, and they didn’t really give us much time there to measure stuff. Oh well. Mrs. Sim is really a very good teacher. And Mr. Davies has an Elmer Fudd accent.

On the bus home via Nanyang Funfair. I couldn’t go because I had tuition. I would have love to have gone. Really. But when you think of everyone, rightly, parent’s interests should come before self. And that’s just what I did. Sorry I couldn’t come. Hern Hern says she’s going to Photoshop me into the picture; I find that really amusing.

And tuition itself. Chinese oral is two weeks away. I am really nervous and my vocabulary is nothing to write home about. I don’t want to fail Chinese. I don’t want to get left behind doing normal Chinese while everyone else stays with Higher Chinese. I don’t.

Sunday: Zhang invited me to go watch Superman Returns later today. Another “I would really love to go” event. Unfortunately, my mom gave an instant, outright no. Exams are coming (in four months time) and I have to study (even though they haven’t finished teaching yet). So Superman will have to return without me.

Week: I’ve been rather depressed and melancholic the past seven days. If you had the weight of a million thoughts crashing down upon your head, you would too. I won’t be talking to you much anymore. It’s related to the very first thing I mentioned in this post. I can’t account for my subconscious anymore. I don’t want to manipulate your emotions again.

“Oh… so this is no cowardly flight. You’re being noble.” -Phenias Nigellus, Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix

No, I’m not being noble. This is as cowardly as it can get. Telling you, through a blog, I don’t get to see your reaction, your response I would get if I told you face to face. I’m a coward, I’m afraid, I’m dangerous; leave me alone or I might hurt you.

I’m sorry.

To Do List

[Quote of the post] "They're more like guidelines, anyway." Elizabeth Seal, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl
[Song of the post] HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL

There are so many things to do in this world. So many things, but so little time. There's skydiving, stargazing, bungee-jumping, fox-flying, spleunking, mountain-climbing...

It just seems that there isn't enough time to do everything in this world. Like stand-up comedy, brain surgery, climbing the Eiffel Tower. The first quarter of our lives are taken up by things like homework, while we could be doing things like 14th Century politics, astrophysics, comic-book art, applicational geometry...

...Spanish, oil-drilling, wind-surfing, human psychology. What are some of the things you've dreamed of doing? Rocket science, strolling down a moonlit Waikiki beach, managing a multinational corporation, shaking hands with a gorilla. Do you think you'll ever sit at the dining table at the White House? Or bounce among the craters on the moon?

What do you want to be when you grow up? A general practitioner, a lawyer, an opthamologist, an actor, a teacher, an anime artist? How many veterinarians do you know? Ever tried your hand at carbon dating? Even when you choose your career, do you know how many things you'll be missing out on? If you become a dietician, you'll probably never sample escargo. A mercenary will probably never know what it's like to sit in a country house and just relax. Is a novelist ever going to understand the beauty of colours?

What's all this about, you may ask. Well, I've just been thinking. Again. Why can't I do everything in this world? Why can't I experience everything there is to experience? What's it like to ride on the back of a dolphin; how do you pick a lock with a hairpin; how's it like to be stranded in the middle of the desert; what does the Statue of Liberty look like?

I don't know how to explain this. Talking with my friends today, I feel like I'm not doing enough, I'm not knowing enough of all that there is to know. What is Chinese pop; what's it like to get married; how does abalone taste like? What's it like to be in financial crisis; how do you do a split; what's "I love you" in Japanese? It's like I'm always the most out-of-place and then everybody's talking about something that I know absolutely NOTHING about and I feel so uncomfortable and then everybody thinks I'm quiet when in actual fact I don't know what to say.

IF I become an author, IF I become a scriptwriter, how am I to write if I don't experience? How do you program a computer; what's it like to get struck by lightning; how would you feel if you accidentally killed someone? You can only read, you can only imagine, but what about doing, about experiencing, about feeling? What's it like being teleported; how do you feel when you're giving a speech; what does zero-gravity feel like?

And it's not just good things. What is it like to go to war; what is it like to betray a friend; what is it like to lie and cheat? How would you feel on a pirate ship; how do you hack past firewalls; how is it when you take over the world? What's it like to have cancer; what's it like to speak a different language; what's it like to be colour-blind?

And then, after all the big things, after all the prowling with tigers and the crop circles and the Taj Mahal, how about all the small things. The brush of a girl's kiss; the hug of a good friend; the laugh of a family member. The smile of the old lady across the street, the hello from your next-door neighbour, the surprise visit from an overseas friend. The taste of hot cocoa, the feel of raindrops on your face, the shattering of glass. What's it like to stroke a cat; what's it like to own a PS2, what's it like to walk a dog.

So many things to do; when am I gonna do them all?

It's pronounced _meem_

[Quote of the post] 鱼说：你看不见我眼中的泪，因为我在水中。水说：我能感觉你的泪，因为你在我新中。
[Song of the post] I'll Be There For You - Friends Theme - The Rembrandts

Sigh... I've got such a big backlog... of memes. (Say meem. Makes it sound French =P)

1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of his/her perfect lover.
2. Mention the gender of his/her perfect lover.
3. Tag 8 victims to join this "game" and leave a comment on their blog.
4. If you are tagged a SECOND time, there's no need to do this again.
5. The most important thing: HAVE FUN DOING IT! (:

I'm not going to tag people because whoever I tag will probably have done this meme already. So.

1. Should love me too! Haha, most important of all! Should love me for who I am, not who she wants me to be.
2. Should understand me! Or at least try to =)
3. Should be able to cry on my shoulder, but be able to let me cry on her shoulder too T_T
4. Should trust me, and let me trust her
5. Should like to do adventurous stuff! Like skydiving and stargazing and crater-hopping and bungee-jumping and brain surgery and movie-watching and sightseeing and computer programming and food-tasting and art-drawing and stuff!
6. Should like reading! Yay, books!
7. OH YEAH! CATS! LOVE CATS! *MEW*
8. Should like hugs. *Huggles*

--------------------

#1 Full name? Uncle Edna. Gosh, you should know it by now.
#2 Name backwards? Ande Elcnu. Sounds Elvish. XD
#3 Were you named after anyone? I don't think so... But there's lots of great people who're called Kevin, like Wong, Costner, Kline, Garnett...
#4 Meaning of name? Kevin is a name of Gaelic and Irish origin which means "kind", "gentle" and "lovable". x) My Chinese name means something like, "wise and powerful" x) And just for fun: Edna is of Hebrew origin and it means "pleasure" o_O
#5 Nickname? Uncle Edna XD
#6 Screen name? Uncle Edna. It's my everywhere-nickname.
#7 Date of birth? 14th March 1991.
#8 Place of birth:? Singapore!
#9 Nationality? Singaporean!
#10 Current location? At home, in a chair, in front of my computer. I'd give you exact coordinates but I fear you've got a orbital ion cannon.
#11 Star sign? Pisces. A bit fishy, come to think of it...
#12 Religion? Freethinker! But I guess agnostic as well.
#13 Height? 176cm - taller than you, ha!
#14 Weight? 51.5kgs, last time I checked. Think that was last year.
#15 Shoe size? 9 1/2. It's absolute MURDER trying to find shoes that fit me.
#16 Hair colour? Black.
#17 Eye colour? I'm colour-blind, but I think it's really dark brown to the point that it's black.
#18 What do you look like? Normally.
#19 Innie or outie? What's that supposed to mean?
#20 Righty, lefty, or ambidextrous? Um, I'm right-handed. I wanna be ambidexterous though. x)
#21 Gay, straight, bi, or other? I'm bi and bi a straight, o-gay? -_-
#22 Best friends? MUHAHAHA I have so many friends I can never rank any of them as best x) Kev and Zhang would be the bestest bestest, though x)
#23 Best friend you trust the most? Haha, same as #22 - Kev and Zhang!
#24 Favourite pals: Unless friends and pals mean different things, this is a repeated question, buddy. o_O That means the same thing as friends too!
#25 Best friends of the opposite sex? Hern Hern, Louisa and Sufen. You three are the only girls I know anyways.
#26 Best buddies? NOW LOOK HERE! BUDDY = PAL = FRIEND = AMIGO = PENG YOU = ACQUAINTANCE = ANY OTHER SYNONYM YOU CAN THINK OF, OKAY?
#27 Boyfriend or girlfriend? None... yet. I'd rather have a girlfriend, though.
#28 Crush? None yet.
#29 Parents? What about them?
#30 Worst enemy? None that I know of! If you hate me, please let me know!
#31 Favorite on-line guys? Anyone who'd talk to me. x)
#32 Favorite on-line girls? Those three. x) Oh, my cousin comes online too, sometimes, but she doesn't talk much.
#33 Funniest friend? HAHAHA, do I count? Well, there's lots... hey! Almost everyone makes me laugh! That's good! =D
#34 Craziest friend? HAHAHA, do I count? We're all GEPs, so we're all crazy, right?
#35 Advice friend? HAHAHA, do I count? I don't usually ask for advice... and the ones I give myself are usually horrible.
#36 Loudest friend? HAHAHA, do I count? I dunno; am I too loud? x_x And I can't tell who's loudest - everyone talks!
#37 Person you cry with? HAHAHA, do I count?
#38 Any sisters? Nope. Wouldn't mind having one though. =)
#39 Any brothers? One. Younger.
#40 Any pets? Stripes! And Splashes! And Snuffles and Scarf and an unnamed Panda whose name is going to start with an 'S' sometime soon. x)
#41 A disease? Um, colour-blindness and flatfoot and myopia and there's this problem with my left ear...
#42 A pager? o_O I thought they don't have those anymore...
#43 A personal phone line? Not really.
#44 A cell phone? Nope. Shared with my bro.
#45 A lava lamp? I want one!
#46 A pool or hot tub? There's a big swimming pool outside my house but it's not mine.
#47 A car? I'd like one, yeah.
#48 Personality? That's a question I should be asking you. o_O
#49 Driving? People up the wall, yeah.
#50 Car or one you want? A compact hydrogen-powered hovercar.
#51 Room? It's big and white and really messy x_x I clean it up every fortnight or so.
#52 What's missing? Lol, Jun Yi's answer for this was HILARIOUS XD I dunno, my sanity, maybe.
#53 School? ACS(I)!
#54 Bed? I like it soft and fluffy! And after it rains; it's coolest then. ^^
#55 Relationship with your parents? Umph.
#56 Believe in yourself: Nope. I get stuck in great big existential quandries.
#57 Do you believe in love at first sight? I've never experienced it yet...
#58 Consider yourself a good listener: Sorry, what was that? x) Yeah, I hope so.
#60 Get along with your parents? Mostly.
#61 Save your e-mail conversations? You mean MSN? I haven't deleted a single non-spam email for quite a long time...
#62 Pray? Technically.
#63 Believe in reincarnation? I'll wait and see.
#64 Like to make fun of people? Not really. Only if the other person doesn't mind.
#65 Like to talk on the phone? I don't mind. I need human voice!
#66 Want to get married? Eventually... =)
#67 Like to drive? People bananas? I hope I don't do that often.
#68 Get motion sickness? Never. I mean, I move all the time, yah?
#69 Eat the stems of broccoli? MMM, BROCCOLI!
#70 Eat chicken fingers with a fork? Chickens don't have fingers.
#71 Dream in color? Um, colour-blind, remember? But yeah, I don't usually dream, but when I do, I think it's in colour...
#72 Type with your fingers on home row? I use this super weird methond that doesn't use the proper fingers at all o_O
#73 Sleep with a stuffed animal? Stripes! But only sometimes. I keep her in the cupboard so she won't get dusty.
#74 Right next to you? A pile of homework, music sheets, my pencil box, and a printer.
#75 On the walls of your room? Paint. Dust. My art gallery. A poster with the meanings of different ship flags.
#76 On your mouse pad? o_O You know what, I'm not using a mouse pad. O_o
#77 Your dream car? Like I said, I don;t usually dream... it's be orange though. x)
#78 Your dream date? The 42nd of Septemburary. With ice-cream. x)
#79 Your dream honeymoon spot? I dunno; anywhere nice I guess! It's a hard choice between skydiving over the Sahara Desert, a midnight dinner on the beaches of Waikiki, or spleunking in caves on the shores of Ireland.
#80 Your dream husband or wife? Someone I love!
#81 Your bedtime? Sometime at night. Usually just before I fall asleep.
#82 Under your bed? Drawers.
#83 The single most important question? How can I help you?
#84 Your bad time of the day? When I'm alone.
#85 Your worst fears? Myself.
#86 The weather is? An atmospheric condition. It's raining now.
#87 The time? 1:30am! Haha, I sleep later than you!
#88 The date? 24th June 2006. High School Musical starts in 36 hours.
#89 The best trick you ever played on someone? I put Stripes and Pink right next to Kevin when he was sleeping and when he woke up I said I had no idea how they got there. XD I think he figured it out lah.
#90 The weirdest food or drink that you like? Chips with ice cream. x) Yum.
#91 Theme song? Teen Titans! GO!
#92 The hardest thing about growing up? Getting older.
#93 Your funniest experience? There're so many...
#94 Your scariest moment? Sitting alone laughing and crying on my bed.
#95 The silliest thing you've said? I say a lot of silly things.
#96 The funniest or most desperate thing you've done to get the attention of the opposite sex? I'm not that interested or that funny... or that desperate.
#97 The scariest thing that's ever happened while with your friend(s)? I don't remember any.
#98 The worst feeling in the world? When you don't know what to say to a friend.
#99 The best feeling in the world? When you know that the people around you are happy. ^^
#100 5 people to do this quiz? You, you, you, you, and... you. Go!

--------------------
My teacher once said that
knowledge is a curse (or something like that).

Never in my life have I
jumped off a building, gone bungee jumping, kissed a girl, been a super hero, assassinated the president, drunk a hundred cups of chocolate milkshake, died, licked a cockroach, broken a world record... the list goes on...

The one person who can drive me nuts, but then can always make me smile
doesn't exist, because nobody drives me nuts.

When I'm nervous
my hands get all cold and sweaty. o_O

The last time I laughed was when
someone made me.

My hair is
really short and takes 5 minutes to dry after a shower. ^^

My feet are
flat. x_x

Last Christmas
I wrote this really nice poem and when I read it a couple of weeks ago I couldn't believe I wrote something like that.

When I turn my head left, I see
a wall.

When I turn my head right, I see
another wall. Sorry, my house isn't really interesting.

When i look down i see
the floor. *Sigh*

The craziest recent event was
trying to bring little kids around the zoo! They're so hyperactive and have such short attention spans. x_x

By this time next year
everyone I know will be that much older.

I have a hard time understanding
myself.

One time at a family gathering
the food was excellent. x)

You know I like-like you if
I uh, like-like you? So, what, I can love-love you too? This is so weird. (Haha Jun Yi's was HILARIOUS)

If I won an award, the first person I'd thank is
the person who gave the award to me, duh!

Triangles are
fun, metallic, the most stable shape in the world, three-sided, purple, but most important of all, pointy. x)

My ideal breakfast is
hot waffles with maple syrup and butter, and eggs and sausages and a glass of milk and a glass of orange or apple juice with a bowl of cereal.

If you make me really happy
I'll love-love you. XD

Where do you plan to visit anytime soon
Paris, Milan, Prague, Sydney, London, the Amazon, Egypt... anywhere x)

Boys are
not boys. They're gentlemen. -_-

I'd stop my wedding if
a giant comet crashed into Earth.

The world could do without
war, disease, famine, drought...

I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than
lick the belly of a rabid cockroach.

Most recent thing you've bought yourself
A chocolate milkshake.

Most recent thing someone else bought you
I think the most recent thing a friend bought me dates back to my birthday. Thank you all so much again!

My least favorite time of day is
when I'm alone.

And by the way, please hold on
If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again. If you need help, hang up, and then dial your operator.

The last time I was high
I ignored my surname. x)

The person whom I last talked to told me
Goodnight! That was two hours ago.

I shouldn't have
done so many things... but I've done them already, and I can't change that. x_X


Last night I
slept.

There's this girl I know who
helps out in SPMF.

There is this guy I know who
is a great and wonderful friend and I love him lots and lots. x)

I'll tell the next person who makes me really happy
something that will make him or her really happy.

I'm listening to
the sounds of a beetle buzzing in my shirt. Eeww, get it off me!

I last ate
a orange-flavoured ricola.

My bedsheet is
nice and cool now that it rained.

I smell
with my nose.

On my table, I have
a lot of stuff

My full name is
something you'd like to know but I will never tell you.

This quiz is
making me sleep at 2am in the morning.

--------------------
Name 10 of life's simple pleasures that you like most, and then pick 10 people to do the same. Try to be original and creative and not to use things that someone else has already used.

In no particular order:

1. Cool bedsheets. I can't emphasize this any more. Wait till it rains, the jump into bed with a pillow and a stuffed tiger. Bliss.
2. Chocolate. One of the best foods in the world, comes in many forms like milkshake, cake, milk...
3. The Internet. You can do so much more than you could fifty years ago. So much more knowledge, so much more information, so much more connection... it's just great.
4. Laughing. It's never bad to laugh; doing this for 15 minutes a day increases your lifespan.
5. Stuffed animals. I get Stripes or some other stuffed animal when I'm lonely and then I don't feel so bad.
6. Imagination. It's the only place where impossible truly is nothing.
7. Communicating. Words are just wonderful. They can make people laugh; they can make people cry; they can do all sorts of things.
8. Drawing. It's the doorway to let your imagination out.
9. Helping others. It's great to know that you're helping someone else, and you get this nice, warm, fuzzy feeling when they say "Thank You!"
10. Friends. I love my friends. I'm happiest with my friends. I don't ever want to be alone. x_x