Monday, September 29, 2008

Pick-Up Lines for Muggers, Part III Economics

Pick-Up Lines for Muggers, Part III: Economics

1. If you ever demand for more of me, I'll be there with an elastic supply. (Credit: Ernest)
2. I'd like to reallocate your ample resources, if you know what I mean.
3. Every time I see you, it causes inflation.
4. A Date (AD) = Consummation + Intimacy + Groping + (X-treme fantasies - Mums) (Credit: Ernest)
5. Wages aren't the only things which are sticky downwards around here.
6. Hey, you look like a recession. Need some government intervention?
7. Just wait until my economy goes boom.
8. Oooh, you're a merit good if I ever saw one: so good, yet underconsumed.
9. Nice externalities.
10. Woah, let's get fiscal.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Pick-Up Lines for Muggers, Part II English

Pick-Up Lines for Muggers, Part II: English

1. If you come back to my place, I'll let you Huckle my Berries.
2. Jim's not the only one with big magic hair-balls, if you know what I mean.
3. I'll be your Siddhartha if you be my Kamala.
4. You've experienced enlightenment! Let me kiss your forehead! Or your lips; I'm not picky.
5. You must be an unseen text, 'cos I don't think we've met.
6. Say, when a cow's laying down, which end of her gets up first? Answer up prompt, now - don't stop to study over it. Which end gets up first?
7. I'm one-thirds a Brahmin: I don't think, I don't wait, but I can do it real fast!
8. I'll get my canoe, you get your raft, and let's go down south together.
9. I'll be your ferryman if you let me cross your river.


Once again, I fail to understand the logic behind English exams. Here I am, working through the texts, and wondering how on Earth am I supposed to memorize quotes for a host of topics which could be anything under the sun, and not having a clue or an ounce of confidence that I'll be able to do anything tomorrow. I hate quotes. Whoever first came up with the idea of quoting for examinations should be shot, even if he's already dead.


10. I forgot my pickup line because I couldn't memorize my quotes.
The Edna Man

Friday, September 26, 2008

Pick-Up Lines for Muggers, Part I Chemistry

Pick-Up Lines for Muggers, Part I: Chemisty

1. Would you like a covalent bond? No? Then how about a dative?
2. Woah! You're so hot, you're exothermic! *sizzle*
3. Let's you and me go and hybridize our orbitals, if you know what I mean ;)
4. You must be a visible wavelength of light, 'cos I'm an electron and you excite me.
5. How'd you get through security, 'cos baby, you're the nitroglycerine!
6. You've got more curves than a charged particle in a mass spectrometer.
7. You're like silicon chloride and I'm like water; when we're together it's basic chemisry.
8. Excuse me, does this smell like ammonia to you?
9. Whew, you're so hot, the temperature's going up... and my volume is increasing.
10. You're so perfect, you make the entropy of the universe decrease.
11. Your face is real symmetrical, it's like cis-but-2-ene.
12. Call me a ligand, 'cos you're so complex.
13. Are you an atomic spectrum? 'Cos I think I just had an emission.
14. You must be reducing the vapour pressure, 'cos you're making my blood boil.
15. Sick of Biology practicals? How about a little more Chemistry... (Credit: Elvira)
16. With dipoles like that, you're the solution to all my problems. (Credit: Elvira)
17. Wanna have my test tube baby?
18. Are you sulphuric acid? I want to test out my contact process.
19. You must know the Valence Shell Electron Pair Repulsion theory, to have such a perfect shape.
In other news, today was another case of Jarrel Seah's "for someone so smart, you're quite dumb". Note to self: never let Jarrel pick two from a list of four ever again.

And my number 1 top Chemistry-based pick-up line:

20. If I could rearrange the periodic table, I'd put Uranium and Iodine together.
The Edna Man

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

What do you do when it's the end of the world?

The student's prayer: "I hope I've covered everything, and if I haven't, may it not come out."

Good luck for exams, see you at the end of the end of the world.

12 days. Survive.
The Edna Man

Friday, September 19, 2008


Arrr, another Talk Like a Pirate Day has sailed off inter tha sunset, and yet again I find meself all alone at sea. Thare were rare few pieces-of-eight in this here sea of shipmates, and I found meself manning tha sails while everyone else was weighing anchor, if yer get my drift. A whole day devoted ter callin' yer shipmates scallywags and scurvy curs, swashing yer buckles and wondering why the rum's gone. It does seem a shame to lose something so fine, ain't it, lads? But tha devils of examinations rob tha fun of days like this, since them landlubbers have their noses pressed so close to their parchments they fail ter observe tha finer points in life.

Also, it be tha only day in tha whole year where yer can say, "Nice booty!" and get away with it. What's not ter like?

This year, I'd be comin' to tha realization that thare arr countless ways ter speak like a swashbuckler, without referrin' ter tha normal "Ahoy!", "Avast!" and "Aye!". That thare be simple talk, naught but fer simple pirates. Thare be much more ter piratin' that cannons and keelhauls; thare be storms and shipwrecks and Kraken and tha like. But arrr, they're more like guidelines than actual rules.

Unfortunately, I completely overlooked tha bearing of this particular circadian until tha postmeridian temporal, atwhich tha bisected diurnal had erstwhile dissipated, and although my efforts in aggrandizing this festivity was ineffectual, and my acquaintences were disinclined to acquiesce to my request. Means "no".

Arrr, but if ye consider time zones, it still be midday in tha Caribbean!

I'll be damned to tha depths of Davy Jones' Locker if I'll be stopped by tha likes of yer.
*Captain* Edna Mann

Monday, September 08, 2008

Now that's a presentation!

Woohoo! I did my Theory of Knowledge mock presentation today - what a blast! It doesn't matter so much that my presentation didn't conform with the dictated standards; I had my presentation, I knew what I was going to do, and I had fun doing it!

I'm diagnosed with an oprical anomaly. I'm not colour-blind; the rest of the world is.
The Edna Man

Thursday, September 04, 2008

I'm Taking Taxi Back!

I'm Taking Taxi Back - Parody of Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake
I'm taking taxi back
The MRT's fallen off the track
The bus is full of people; really packed
Got to get home so I can hit the sack

Take me to the bridge

Uncle, please
Can you take me right down to Tampines?
Why your back seat don't have those small TVs?
How come government must raise all your fees?

Take me to the city

Please keep right
Twenty cents, per half minute
No traffic lights
Twenty cents, per half minute
Twenty cents, per half minute
No gantry
Twenty cents, per half minute
Let me see you've got peak surcharge
Twenty cents, per half minute
Pay me more tips
Twenty cents, per half minute
Out of range
Twenty cents, per half minute
Keep the change
Twenty cents, per half minute

And hail that taxicab
Twenty cents, per half minute

And hail that taxicab
And hail that taxicab
And hail that taxicab
And hail that taxicab
And hail that taxicab
And hail that taxicab

And hail that taxicab

I'm taking taxi back
It's really late now and the sky is black
I'm scared if I walk home I get attacked
Who knows what kind of weird people I attract

Take me to the bridge

Taxis are
The best alternative to driving car
Perfect for people who drunk half the bar
But if you see ghost you should drive far far


I'm taking taxi back
You see the driver's name carved on a plaque
When you pay fees it better be exact
I only wish it were a Cadillac

Take me down to Clarke Quay


I have to say I don't really like the original song. It's kinda... fail. But oh well; for the parody!

Monday, September 01, 2008


Couple of stuffs recently. Let's rewind and go back in order...

Teachers' Day celebrations on Friday. (Incidentally, Happy Teachers' Day today for all you educationals out there.) Kinda spent the week working on a massive Lyrics Project, which is a PowerPoint version of Don't Forget the Lyrics. Kinda epicly failed on Friday 'cos of unforseen circumstances with the timetable and harrassed teachers who (I just realized) weren't... um... I don't know how else to put this because each and every way I phrase it in my mind, it sounds like I'm insulting or complaining about them, which I'm not. I'll just say that they're not westernized enough to just cut loose and sing along with the music. This remark is in no way insulting or condescending at all, okay? I just had higher hopes that my teachers were more awesome than they appear to be (and most of them are quite awesome already, so.). As I said before, I'm not blaming them, I'm not complaining or anything. As it is, I kinda feel bad for trying to force them into doing something they're not comfortable with. High expectations and the excitement of making something so awesome must have clouded my judgement.

Kinda makes you wonder, what's so important about face. Must be an Asian thing. There's a lot of theories that I could come up with explaining why "face" is held in such high regard in our society, but I don't really want to talk about that now.

On a semi-related yet unrelated (quasi-related, I think the term is) note, it's quite disappointing that my parents don't appreciate the creativity and ingenuity that went into making the presentation. It's similar to the one I did last year, with The Millionaire Show, but it's much much bigger than that. It's the little things that make you jump out of your chair and shout, "YES! I DID IT!", but it's depressing when your mom comes back and roars at you to "Go do your homework and stop spending so much time on that thing!" It's like there's nothing left for my parents to be proud of me anymore; I'm doing stuff in areas which they think is a waste of time. Sigh, oh well, at least my friends liked it. Got positive comments from Ernest and Elvira and Herrick and Shaun; don't know about The Jarrel Seah, Programming Lord and Master though.

Fast forward to... Saturday. Went for MGS Eccentrics OM celebrations party-slash-get together. Quite fun, seeing all the girls again, and well, I tried to teach them new games but failed epicly (second time this week) 'cos there wasn't enough motivation. I mean, hyperactivity + girls just wanna' have fun =/= organized activity. Yeah. Well, but it was fun, talked to the parents a bit and had nice stuffs to eat =) Kinda sad that a lot of them aren't doing OM next year; I guess only time will tell if they're going to go the same way as my OM team from back in 2K5.

Still, I kinda felt vaguely out of place. The girls are all together in the same school and most in the same class and they've all got happenings that are centred around them; then there's the parents who are at the table talking about their parental stuff. And then there I am again, the middle man, doesn't really fit here or there, but is like a birdge between the two. I kept feeling that I should be doing something but I didn't know what to do, actually.

Yesterday... Nike+ Human Race! Got lots of freebies which I paid for (hahaha paradox), and was quite fun run/walking the 10K with Florence and Elvira. But then Florence disappeared into the distance. I tried to get Elvira to chase after all the vehicles going in our direction, but she didn't. -__- Well, at least now I've got bragging rights that I finished ten kilometres without stopping, and I finished with a time of 2 hours, 22 minutes, and 22 seconds! Well, almost; it was like half a minute after that, but close enough lah.

And then I kinda vaguely enjoyed my first live rock concert, Boys Like Girls. Quite weird, how people will scrabble for stuff the band throws into the crowd, like their water bottles and guitar picks and their sweaty shirts. I didn't really know many of their songs (they should put the lyrics up somewhere, like karaoke) but the energy and stuff was kinda infectious. Except the music was just deafening; I couldn't really hear what the guy was singing. But yeah, quite awesome all the same. Maybe next time I'll go for a concert at a band whose songs I know so I can sing along. Oh yeah, Josh got a free iPod, lucky bugger XD

Well, that's the latest news. Catch us back tomorrow, same time, same channel.

Next year, I'm doing my ten clicks on the Internet. That's like, five double-clicks!
The Edna Man