Tuesday, April 26, 2011

BREAKING NEWS: Singapore to Hold First Online Election... On Facebook

SINGAPORE -- In an unprecedented turn of events, the Elections Department of Singapore (ELD) has announced that the upcoming 2011 General Election will be held online - on Facebook.

The decision was announced at a press conference this morning by Mr Hu Yu Pik, spokesperson for the ELD. He explained that the process simply requires voters to go to a newly-created Facebook page for their desired party and "Liking" it.

"The party with the most total number of "Likes" on their the page will, then, be elected as the ruling party of Singapore," said Mr Hu. He has also revealed that there will be a poll set up on each party page for voters to note which constituency they are voting from.

When asked about preventing electoral fraud, Mr Hu reassured the press that there will be systems in place to ensure that each person can cast only one vote.

"Voters will have to use their own personal Facebook account with a valid email address which has been registered with the Elections Department," said Mr Hu. "'Liking' a page with a fake Facebook account or an account with an invalid email address will void that vote."

In a press release, the Chairman of the ELD, Mr Am See Kew, explained that there were three main reasons for the change: the inefficiency of the original ballot system, its detrimental impact on the environment, and as a way of engaging the youth in politics. He then stated that only one of the three was correct, and invited journalists to choose the best possible answer.

"Singapore has always prided herself as an advanced, modern society," said Mr Am. "The decision to utilise the Internet in the voting process will catapult Singapore to the frontlines of progress, both technologically and politically."

The announcement, which came just days before polling day, surprised many Singaporeans. Many senior citizens are now worried that they would be unable to cast their vote because of their unfamiliarity with using computers and the Internet.

"I don't even know how to use a computer, how am I supposed to vote online?" asked retiree Mr Simi Tai-Chee, 62, in a mixture of Hokkien and English. "Why, pen and paper not good enough anymore ah? How come this gahmen always change liddat one?"

But many younger voters are exited by the prospect of the easier way to contribute to the country's political landscape.

"I can now vote from the comfort of my home," said Ms Cherilyn Lee, 22. "I think it's really cool that the government is doing this on Facebook."

Singapore has entered the Guinness Book of World Records as the first country to hold its parliamentary elections online.


And as election fever hypes up, we'll be bringing you even more live coverage than ever before. Stay with us.

Oh by the way, I know all about ballot secrecy and all that. I just thought this would be funny(ier).

We'll be right back after these messages,
The Edna Man

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Dream Sequence #005

Once again, I just woke up, and I need to write down this dream. I haven't done this since like, 2009?

Anyway I had already "woken up", but drifted back to sleep so it's one of those non-REM sleep where you're half-conscious and exerting more control over the dream imagination that you should.

The dream starts out in this fantasy setting, which I'm pretty sure was based on the Anima RPG system that I am reading about. The most I can remember is that we all were going out on a mission or quest (don't ask me who "we" were). I had turned back to go get my weapons, and I distinctly remember deciding whether to bring all of them (guns, swords and all) or just the short sword, because of guns not being able to get through security or something. So I'm at the top of my hotel or inn or whatever, which is basically this huge circus-tent skeleton with no stairs, and you have to get to the top by climbing up the central pole. And I'm grabbing my stuff when all of a sudden you can hear this growling sound.

Naturally, I guess that it's a werewolf, and I'm obviously right. However, the growling is coming from across the street, so I'm scanning left and right, and then a voice (who it belonged to I can't remember) said to, and I quote, "look in the cupboard above the oven", which was describing an open-front shop directly across where there was a counter, and behind it an oven with a two-door cabinet sunk into the wall above it.

By that time there were a couple of guards there, all holding out their wooden sticks at the cupboard door. At this point, Lou Ee, whose character (RPG remember) looked like Rexxar from Warcraft, jumped out of nowhere and landed with the guards. I remember he gave the order to open said door. Immediately a number of guards with their blue uniforms tumbled out, revealing stairs leading upwards inside the cupboard, and the thin, lanky werewolf. Lou Ee immediately raised his hand and launched a fireball at it, which instantly took down the werewolf.

The next bit I can remember is that I was standing with the crowd milling around the shop, while the guards were passing around an identity disc. These were like our ICs, but they were blue and magnetic, and touching two together imprinted the other person's personal particulars on yours. In this case, they were collecting telephone numbers from the witnesses (technology gap, I know). And wouldn't you know it, Chris Chien was there, and when it was his turn to scan over his identity disc, he said he only had his pink IC. Grrr.

So there was this huge crowd milling around, when suddenly there's this tremors that you associate with someone big and heavy slowly pounding their way closer, and there's this deep, deep growling. Every head turns to look at the cupboard stairs, and the head of this giant, armoured monster appears in the entryway. It's got a huge lower jaw, like some of the dragons from How to Train your Dragon. It looked around for a while at the huge crowd all facing it, then, and this is the epic part: every single hand raised up towards the monster. There was a unified shout of "One! Two! THREE!", but only a single fireball was shot out. And at that precise moment, the monster withdrew its head into the hole, so no-one was sure if the fireball hit.

Time skipped a beat, and restarted in slow motion as the monster burst through the walls and leapt, in slow motion, over the crowd as a thousand fireballs raced towards him. I think I remember shouting "fire at will!" somewhere. And then it got so epic that I woke up.

Gotta remember to make a game based on this universe,
The Edna Man

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

BREAKING NEWS: Singapore's Parliament Dissolves After Falling into Vat of Acid

SINGAPORE-- Singapore's 11th Parliament dissolved today after accidentally falling into a large vat of corrosive acid, according to a governmental gazette.

A chemical engineer at the site has identified the solvent as concentrated hydrochloric acid, a highly corrosive inorganic acid usually found in the stomach. Police authorities were unable to explain why the entire cabinet of ministers was near the vat of caustic liquid, let alone how they fell in.

Analysts are refusing to comment on how this unfortunate incident will affect Singapore's political climate, but are advising on a simple way to neutralise the problem.

Said political pundit Mr Alan Kalai, "All we need for this problem is a basic solution."


I'm sorry, I never knew the parliament dissolves before an election. This is the first time I heard it of it.

Pun, pun, pun, pun,
Looking forward to the weekend
Then Edna Man

500th Post!

I was going to write something but I realized this was going to be my 500th post! Whooo! That's eight years of weird stuff straight from the horse's mouth!

The Edna Man

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Girlfriend needs Boyfriend to Carry Handbag

SINGAPORE -- It's her handbag, but he's carrying it.

A video has been making its way around the Singaporean blogosphere, sparking heated debates about whether this generation's girlfriends are too "weak" and "over-dependent".

The video in question, taken with a iPhone, depicts a young man walking in a shopping mall, carrying a distinctly pink tote bag slung over his shoulder, while his girlfriend strolls a little way ahead, messaging on her handphone.

The video was uploaded onto YouTube, and not long after, a number of spoofs surfaced, most of them parodying popular romantic comedies such as Love, Actually and Music and Lyrics.

While some saw the funny side of the situation, the circulation of the short thirty-second clip has left a trail of disgust in its wake, with many netizens complaining about the over-reliance of Singaporean girlfriends on their male counterparts.

"They say Singapore girls are so independent," commented Alfred Tay, a student at Nanyang Technological University (NTU). "So why do they always need their boyfriends to carry their things for them?"

"How can we expect women to hold executive positions if they cannot even hold their own belongings?" asked netizen ntrprnr401K, who would only reveal that he works as a manager at a multinational corporation based here.

Others have brought women's rights into the fray, deploring the social traditions which encourage men to carry the bags of their significant others.

In an online press statement issued by local women's rights organisation the Beautiful Liberation of Urban Rights (BLUR), spokesperson Ms Lee Chio Bu wrote: "It is a sad, sad day where women are not even expected to carry their own fashion acccessories."

However, there were some who believed that the girl should be given the benefit of the doubt, saying that she might have had an injury which did not allow her to carry her handbag. Others claim that the boy is a "true Singapore gentleman" for helping his girlfriend with her heavy load.

"Nowadays the boys are so selfish," commented Amita Saravawaj, a student at Catholic Junior College (CJC). "I wish my boyfriend offered to carry my schoolbag for me."

With the controversy surrounding the video, it is no wonder that a digitally-edited version appeared on the Internet about a week later.

Uploaded by the anonymous Grllvr69, the video also has a short description attached to it, claiming that this video is the authentic one, and that the one with the boy carrying the bag is "a doctored copy".

At first glance, the video seems to show the girl walking with the pink handbag squarely on her shoulder, and with the boy nowhere in sight. However, experts have identified the second video as the fake, pointing out that the area where the boy was standing in the original video was "merely pixellised", that the girl was not the same and was also carrying a different coloured bag.

A spokesman from the Ministry of Community, Youth and Sports (MCYS) said last week that "MCYS takes a very serious view about its youth in public", and that it would investigate and take appropriate action against the girlfriend in question.

Following this announcement, it is reported that the girlfriend has come forward and identified herself to the authorities. However, she cannot be named to protect her identity.

MCYS has also reminded its youth to be aware of the image they project in public.


Honestly, I have no agenda here. I just wanted to transpose the incident (and related news stories) into a different, but similar, situation. I have no anti-feminist leanings, no gripe against any Ministries (mentioned or otherwise), and don't really have anything aganist guys carrying their girl's bags. (I really only don't understand why girls continue to carry stuff in their hands when they have pockets. Or bags.) Seriously, nothing here but some good old-fashioned non-ulterior satire.

I did find it hilarious that someone tried to doctor the original photo though, and it was so hilarious because they didn't even do it properly.

Care for soldiers!
The Edna Man

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The Republic of Heaven

I have just finished reading Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials for the second time. I blogged about it once. Here I am doing so again.

It is a powerful, powerful force that compels you to re-read a work of fiction. And it is a powerful, powerful story to let you enjoy it for so many times. And the ending still pulled my heartstrings, just like the first time.

Maybe that's what falling in love is?

When I first read the trilogy, I thought I understood everything about it. I saw the countless layers of meaning as clearly as Lyra saw the meanings of the symbols on the alethiometer. After four years, online essays/discussions, TVTropes, and a enjoyable re-reading, I find out so many things I never saw before.

And we are still enthralled by the power of love.

"But just keep up this coming here once a year, just for a hour, just to be together..." -- Lyra

Because we have to build it, wherever we are.
The Edna Man

Monday, April 11, 2011

The Final Countdown

So I invite you to stand with me, one year from tonight, outside the gates of Clementi Camp. And together, we shall give them a 11th of April that shall never, ever be forgot!

The Edna Man