Tuesday, July 25, 2006


[Song of the post] Perfect - Simple Plan


How can you know and yet not do. How can you be conscious of the fact that you can do something, you should do something, you MUST; and yet not do it. How can you know what should be done, yet be unable to do it.


Three weeks ago (was it really that long?) I did something really bad. I tried avoiding people because I couldn't trust myself. But people still came to me, to help me. I thank them. And they mostly said about the same thing: that I was too perfectionist; that I was trying to be too "saintly".

And why not? After all the books, after all the movies, after all the stories and games and television shows, how can you not try to be? After the countless tales of the error of human nature, after all the evil overlords and wicked stepsisters, how can you not try and change yourself, become "better"?

I hobbled up to class today because my muscles were still very weak and I couldn't walk very properly. I used an umbrella as a walking stick. And someone, I will not say who, someone said, "C'mon, stop acting lah. We all know you like acting, so just give me the umbrella and let's go."

Why would he say that. He wouldn't say that unless I gave him reason to say that. I act too much? I'm not serious? I'm a fraud.

Or maybe I'm just like the puritans, trying to rid myself of some evil that doesn't exist and eventually falling into that evil myself. And in the case of what one should do, I shouldn't be doing this right now, this is just stupid; I have galaxies of homework I have to do and besides, normal people don't worry about stupid things like this. Normal people don't think about being perfect and holy and all that rubbish, so why should I. Why am I.


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