If you get there before I do

[Quote of the post] "There is good, and there is evil. But the line between them can be almost impossible to find." -Robin, Teen Titans
[Song of the post] Tears in Heaven - Eric Clapton

Life is so fragile. And I'm not talking about the newspaper.

Our school's estate manager just passed away yesterday. The cause of death as of now is still uncertain. He has two kids, still in school. Dr. Ong plans to set up a fund for them. Our IHS teacher said he was a modest, humble, dedicated man. Dr. Ong praised him in the same way.

Life is so fragile.

Coincidentally, I was thinking about death yesterday as well. I was deciding on whether I should use death as a topic for my Chinese project. I was going to ask questions like, What would you feel if your friend suddenly died? What if he was murdered? If he committed suicide? (I finally decided against it because my Chinese teacher may think I'm suicidal and send me for counseling.)

Are you freaked out? I'm freaking myself out. I'm thinking of death way too much. It's not a good sign. I even had a dream ab0ut it. Definitely not good.

What would happen if one of my best friends suddenly... died? I don't think I'll be able to take it. But I fear that I wouldn't remember them for who they were. What would happen if I suddenly just dropped dead? I don't think it'll have major impact on anyone's lives. What if I suddenly just... ceased to exist? What would people remember of me? Would I be remembered as the angsty, sullen, detached teenager, or the cheerful, punny author of TNN? Or as a son, a brother, a friend?

It doesn't matter. After a few months, people would have gotten over it. The deceased would just become a memory. People would get on with their lives, make do without you.

I don't know if a Speaker for the Dead would be a good idea. I admire the concept in all fascination, but I don't know if it will work in real life.

I'm not afriad of many physical things. But I fear many abstract ones, death among them. In all the stories you read, they keep telling you not to fear death. But here I am.

What am I talking about. Even I'm confused now. Whatever it is, don't die on me. Not now. I wouldn't be able to take it.