Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Click the X. You know you want to.

[Quote of the post]
"Pun (n.): the lowest form of humour" —Samuel Johnson, lexicographer
"…but the height of wit." —common rebuttal to the above
"…when you didn't think of it first." —common rebuttal to the above (that is, the above which is above that immediately above) [Wikipedia]
[Song of the post] I 2 I - A Goofy Movie

I am going to attempt to explain my feelings for this past week. If you are easily frightened or have a severe disposition I recommend you click the little X in the corner of your screen or click the little left arrow directly opposite the little X. You'll probably find something more happy than a fourteen-year-old ranting about stuff he doesn't completely comprehend.

First off, I'd like to thank Herrick for helping me philosophically solve my problem. A big 'Thank You!' also goes out to Henry for writing me a very nice email, which, sadly, is something nobody does nowadays. Henry must still have some of the British customs alive in him.

By the way, we've got MASSIVE respect going out to Gid and Herrick, for trying to comfort me (either by hugging or psychiatry, or both). Even more MASSIVE respect goes out to Herrick because, unlike Gid, he doesn't try to smother you in his jacket, nor blind you with logic.Massive respect. Yo.

Basically, now I feel that I have no real 'selling point' except for my position, my friendliness, and my humour. But even the first two cannot garner me the respect of my friends. You may have heard of this before, but, for example's sake: Even though I'm class chairman, nobody (the term is used very loosely here) listens to me in class. Heck, they take the teachers' niceness and patience for granted. Like today, when there was a lesson observation, it was the quietest Literature Lesson of the year. I feel that I am being used. My parody of Welcome to my Life says it all, really: they chose me as chairman so I could be a scapegoat and keyholder.

I dunno. If this were a test of human relationships, the majority of my class would fail. You see in some of them attitudes worse than the worst of mainstreamers (and I'm also saying this because of my UYO squad). It's human nature, and Dr. Demel says, live with it.

But I can't. How am I supposed to live with something that irritates me? My human nature is to try and help everyone, no matter what (except for some cases in which I have to make an exception). Maybe that's why I write superhero stories. Ever since I was introduced to the Vs. System, I got hooked on the idea of superheroism. I felt that I was helpless because I couldn't help anyone with any of my strengths. So I made humour my superpower. I tried to help people with laughter. But no, according to Dr. Demel, people now view me as the personification of humour, and that is the way they'll always see me. So I'm stuck here.

Then there's the whole business with Kwong. Everybody likes him. Who doesn't? Nobody can not like Kwong and live with his conscience. He's got that likeable personality that just attracts people to him. He is, and I quote Bassanio: "[One of the] dearest friend[s] to me, the kindest man, the best-conditioned and unwearied spirit in doing courtesies, and one in whom the ancient Roman honour more appears than any that draws breath in [Naphtali]." Thus, I, having the same name as he, feel that we have this bond between us - this bond of identity, of namesake. So, I feel, it's like this tribe of Kevins against all other forces, like Shylock against the rest of the Christian world. O wise Daniel is one who discriminates against Kevins in general, so I feel that we are going through life together, as members of the same tribe. So I places both of us on equal footing. Thus, if I get left behind, I tend to feel left behind. I feel lonely if he doesn't talk to me (I feel lonely if ANYBODY didn't talk to me, so this point's pretty moot). Like I said, it's this bond. And whether Shylock will keep to it, or have his bond, only time will tell.

I guess I am in the wrong too. I can't make the world live to my ideals. Don't you think I sound too selfish? Too idealistic? So confused I sound like I'm against my own ideals? Too bad. You're just gonna have to live with it. I have too, too. Unless you'd like to change me. I'd be more than happy if you'd like to try. More happy than I am now, I mean.

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