So I hear blogging is dead. Heh. Well, I still write stuff here, so I'll take this URL scratching and kicking to its cyber-404-grave.
I've started listening to more Sam Tsui recently, and I'm sure that this kid is gonna go far. I picked up Sara Bareille's King of Anything from him, and it's crazy good. Got that song stuck in my head a couple of days. And because of his collaboration on Just a Dream, I think I've got a crush on Christina Grimmie, who is also crazy awesome and really pretty.
Hmm just watched Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides this weekend. It's awesome in the Jack Sparrow sense of awesome, and I think I'm kinda watching the shows just to see his suave antics. I found the show quite historically accurate (for a dramatic movie adaptation) because Blackbeard really (historically) stuck firecrackers in his beard to make him look scarier, and the rumour that his decapitated body swum around his ship five times is also in historical records. Quite cool.
And so the piratical exploits have inspired me to continue my TCG roots, and I'm currently making a Pirates card game. I don't know how balanced it's going to be, since I'm mostly creating this game from scratch, cobbled together from mechanics of the various games I know. Only time will tell if it's a good game though.
Gaah I need to write more.
The Edna Man
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Saturday, May 07, 2011
Election Fever Reaches Epidemic Proportions
SINGAPORE -- The outbreak of "election fever" has reached epidemic levels, experts warn.
As of 8am this morning, more than 2 million Singaporeans have been infected by this rare disease, forcing Ministry of Health (MOH) officials to raise the disease's Threat Level to five, the highest on the scale.
The outbreak has already claimed hundreds of man-hours worth of news coverage, from both digital and print media. Words like "reform" and "opposition" have reinfected the local vocabulary, and political rallies, which are usually contained within the Speaker's Corner at Hong Lim Park and usually never exist, ran rampant in open fields across the island until officials put a stop to them on Thursday night.
"It has never been this widespread before," said Mr Poh Ah Peng, a spokesperson from MOH. "Since it surfaced in Singapore in 1959, election fever has kept intensifying over the years every time it appears."
"It promises a very frightening future for this country," said Mr Poh.
Election fever, officially diagnosed as democracitis, is a recurring disease caused by the virus votium ballotpox. It is transmitted through the air by political discussions, and, once it infects its host, makes its way to the brain, causing the victim to suffer increased political awareness and a uncontrollable urge to make a choice. It only affects adults, but strains of the virus are increasingly being detected in youths and teenagers, often as young as eighteen years of age.
Earlier this week, dozens of the Ministry's political doctors, or "politricians", took measurses to quarantine the population into various isolation zones, called "constituencies". They are hoping to contain the outbreak until Saturday, when the only known cure for election fever will be administered: an election.
Democracitis is not native to Singapore, where it resurfaces about once every five years. The first recorded outbreak of democracitis was in 507 BC in ancient Greece. Since then, cases of election fever have been recorded in republics across the world.
-----
Why does everybody get so excited over this?
"Truth is not determined by majority vote." ~Doug Gwyn
The Edna Man
As of 8am this morning, more than 2 million Singaporeans have been infected by this rare disease, forcing Ministry of Health (MOH) officials to raise the disease's Threat Level to five, the highest on the scale.
The outbreak has already claimed hundreds of man-hours worth of news coverage, from both digital and print media. Words like "reform" and "opposition" have reinfected the local vocabulary, and political rallies, which are usually contained within the Speaker's Corner at Hong Lim Park and usually never exist, ran rampant in open fields across the island until officials put a stop to them on Thursday night.
"It has never been this widespread before," said Mr Poh Ah Peng, a spokesperson from MOH. "Since it surfaced in Singapore in 1959, election fever has kept intensifying over the years every time it appears."
"It promises a very frightening future for this country," said Mr Poh.
Election fever, officially diagnosed as democracitis, is a recurring disease caused by the virus votium ballotpox. It is transmitted through the air by political discussions, and, once it infects its host, makes its way to the brain, causing the victim to suffer increased political awareness and a uncontrollable urge to make a choice. It only affects adults, but strains of the virus are increasingly being detected in youths and teenagers, often as young as eighteen years of age.
Earlier this week, dozens of the Ministry's political doctors, or "politricians", took measurses to quarantine the population into various isolation zones, called "constituencies". They are hoping to contain the outbreak until Saturday, when the only known cure for election fever will be administered: an election.
Democracitis is not native to Singapore, where it resurfaces about once every five years. The first recorded outbreak of democracitis was in 507 BC in ancient Greece. Since then, cases of election fever have been recorded in republics across the world.
-----
Why does everybody get so excited over this?
"Truth is not determined by majority vote." ~Doug Gwyn
The Edna Man
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
BREAKING NEWS: Singapore to Hold First Online Election... On Facebook
SINGAPORE -- In an unprecedented turn of events, the Elections Department of Singapore (ELD) has announced that the upcoming 2011 General Election will be held online - on Facebook.
The decision was announced at a press conference this morning by Mr Hu Yu Pik, spokesperson for the ELD. He explained that the process simply requires voters to go to a newly-created Facebook page for their desired party and "Liking" it.
"The party with the most total number of "Likes" on their the page will, then, be elected as the ruling party of Singapore," said Mr Hu. He has also revealed that there will be a poll set up on each party page for voters to note which constituency they are voting from.
When asked about preventing electoral fraud, Mr Hu reassured the press that there will be systems in place to ensure that each person can cast only one vote.
"Voters will have to use their own personal Facebook account with a valid email address which has been registered with the Elections Department," said Mr Hu. "'Liking' a page with a fake Facebook account or an account with an invalid email address will void that vote."
In a press release, the Chairman of the ELD, Mr Am See Kew, explained that there were three main reasons for the change: the inefficiency of the original ballot system, its detrimental impact on the environment, and as a way of engaging the youth in politics. He then stated that only one of the three was correct, and invited journalists to choose the best possible answer.
"Singapore has always prided herself as an advanced, modern society," said Mr Am. "The decision to utilise the Internet in the voting process will catapult Singapore to the frontlines of progress, both technologically and politically."
The announcement, which came just days before polling day, surprised many Singaporeans. Many senior citizens are now worried that they would be unable to cast their vote because of their unfamiliarity with using computers and the Internet.
"I don't even know how to use a computer, how am I supposed to vote online?" asked retiree Mr Simi Tai-Chee, 62, in a mixture of Hokkien and English. "Why, pen and paper not good enough anymore ah? How come this gahmen always change liddat one?"
But many younger voters are exited by the prospect of the easier way to contribute to the country's political landscape.
"I can now vote from the comfort of my home," said Ms Cherilyn Lee, 22. "I think it's really cool that the government is doing this on Facebook."
Singapore has entered the Guinness Book of World Records as the first country to hold its parliamentary elections online.
-----
And as election fever hypes up, we'll be bringing you even more live coverage than ever before. Stay with us.
Oh by the way, I know all about ballot secrecy and all that. I just thought this would be funny(ier).
We'll be right back after these messages,
The Edna Man
The decision was announced at a press conference this morning by Mr Hu Yu Pik, spokesperson for the ELD. He explained that the process simply requires voters to go to a newly-created Facebook page for their desired party and "Liking" it.
"The party with the most total number of "Likes" on their the page will, then, be elected as the ruling party of Singapore," said Mr Hu. He has also revealed that there will be a poll set up on each party page for voters to note which constituency they are voting from.
When asked about preventing electoral fraud, Mr Hu reassured the press that there will be systems in place to ensure that each person can cast only one vote.
"Voters will have to use their own personal Facebook account with a valid email address which has been registered with the Elections Department," said Mr Hu. "'Liking' a page with a fake Facebook account or an account with an invalid email address will void that vote."
In a press release, the Chairman of the ELD, Mr Am See Kew, explained that there were three main reasons for the change: the inefficiency of the original ballot system, its detrimental impact on the environment, and as a way of engaging the youth in politics. He then stated that only one of the three was correct, and invited journalists to choose the best possible answer.
"Singapore has always prided herself as an advanced, modern society," said Mr Am. "The decision to utilise the Internet in the voting process will catapult Singapore to the frontlines of progress, both technologically and politically."
The announcement, which came just days before polling day, surprised many Singaporeans. Many senior citizens are now worried that they would be unable to cast their vote because of their unfamiliarity with using computers and the Internet.
"I don't even know how to use a computer, how am I supposed to vote online?" asked retiree Mr Simi Tai-Chee, 62, in a mixture of Hokkien and English. "Why, pen and paper not good enough anymore ah? How come this gahmen always change liddat one?"
But many younger voters are exited by the prospect of the easier way to contribute to the country's political landscape.
"I can now vote from the comfort of my home," said Ms Cherilyn Lee, 22. "I think it's really cool that the government is doing this on Facebook."
Singapore has entered the Guinness Book of World Records as the first country to hold its parliamentary elections online.
-----
And as election fever hypes up, we'll be bringing you even more live coverage than ever before. Stay with us.
Oh by the way, I know all about ballot secrecy and all that. I just thought this would be funny(ier).
We'll be right back after these messages,
The Edna Man
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Dream Sequence #005
Once again, I just woke up, and I need to write down this dream. I haven't done this since like, 2009?
Anyway I had already "woken up", but drifted back to sleep so it's one of those non-REM sleep where you're half-conscious and exerting more control over the dream imagination that you should.
The dream starts out in this fantasy setting, which I'm pretty sure was based on the Anima RPG system that I am reading about. The most I can remember is that we all were going out on a mission or quest (don't ask me who "we" were). I had turned back to go get my weapons, and I distinctly remember deciding whether to bring all of them (guns, swords and all) or just the short sword, because of guns not being able to get through security or something. So I'm at the top of my hotel or inn or whatever, which is basically this huge circus-tent skeleton with no stairs, and you have to get to the top by climbing up the central pole. And I'm grabbing my stuff when all of a sudden you can hear this growling sound.
Naturally, I guess that it's a werewolf, and I'm obviously right. However, the growling is coming from across the street, so I'm scanning left and right, and then a voice (who it belonged to I can't remember) said to, and I quote, "look in the cupboard above the oven", which was describing an open-front shop directly across where there was a counter, and behind it an oven with a two-door cabinet sunk into the wall above it.
By that time there were a couple of guards there, all holding out their wooden sticks at the cupboard door. At this point, Lou Ee, whose character (RPG remember) looked like Rexxar from Warcraft, jumped out of nowhere and landed with the guards. I remember he gave the order to open said door. Immediately a number of guards with their blue uniforms tumbled out, revealing stairs leading upwards inside the cupboard, and the thin, lanky werewolf. Lou Ee immediately raised his hand and launched a fireball at it, which instantly took down the werewolf.
The next bit I can remember is that I was standing with the crowd milling around the shop, while the guards were passing around an identity disc. These were like our ICs, but they were blue and magnetic, and touching two together imprinted the other person's personal particulars on yours. In this case, they were collecting telephone numbers from the witnesses (technology gap, I know). And wouldn't you know it, Chris Chien was there, and when it was his turn to scan over his identity disc, he said he only had his pink IC. Grrr.
So there was this huge crowd milling around, when suddenly there's this tremors that you associate with someone big and heavy slowly pounding their way closer, and there's this deep, deep growling. Every head turns to look at the cupboard stairs, and the head of this giant, armoured monster appears in the entryway. It's got a huge lower jaw, like some of the dragons from How to Train your Dragon. It looked around for a while at the huge crowd all facing it, then, and this is the epic part: every single hand raised up towards the monster. There was a unified shout of "One! Two! THREE!", but only a single fireball was shot out. And at that precise moment, the monster withdrew its head into the hole, so no-one was sure if the fireball hit.
Time skipped a beat, and restarted in slow motion as the monster burst through the walls and leapt, in slow motion, over the crowd as a thousand fireballs raced towards him. I think I remember shouting "fire at will!" somewhere. And then it got so epic that I woke up.
Gotta remember to make a game based on this universe,
The Edna Man
Anyway I had already "woken up", but drifted back to sleep so it's one of those non-REM sleep where you're half-conscious and exerting more control over the dream imagination that you should.
The dream starts out in this fantasy setting, which I'm pretty sure was based on the Anima RPG system that I am reading about. The most I can remember is that we all were going out on a mission or quest (don't ask me who "we" were). I had turned back to go get my weapons, and I distinctly remember deciding whether to bring all of them (guns, swords and all) or just the short sword, because of guns not being able to get through security or something. So I'm at the top of my hotel or inn or whatever, which is basically this huge circus-tent skeleton with no stairs, and you have to get to the top by climbing up the central pole. And I'm grabbing my stuff when all of a sudden you can hear this growling sound.
Naturally, I guess that it's a werewolf, and I'm obviously right. However, the growling is coming from across the street, so I'm scanning left and right, and then a voice (who it belonged to I can't remember) said to, and I quote, "look in the cupboard above the oven", which was describing an open-front shop directly across where there was a counter, and behind it an oven with a two-door cabinet sunk into the wall above it.
By that time there were a couple of guards there, all holding out their wooden sticks at the cupboard door. At this point, Lou Ee, whose character (RPG remember) looked like Rexxar from Warcraft, jumped out of nowhere and landed with the guards. I remember he gave the order to open said door. Immediately a number of guards with their blue uniforms tumbled out, revealing stairs leading upwards inside the cupboard, and the thin, lanky werewolf. Lou Ee immediately raised his hand and launched a fireball at it, which instantly took down the werewolf.
The next bit I can remember is that I was standing with the crowd milling around the shop, while the guards were passing around an identity disc. These were like our ICs, but they were blue and magnetic, and touching two together imprinted the other person's personal particulars on yours. In this case, they were collecting telephone numbers from the witnesses (technology gap, I know). And wouldn't you know it, Chris Chien was there, and when it was his turn to scan over his identity disc, he said he only had his pink IC. Grrr.
So there was this huge crowd milling around, when suddenly there's this tremors that you associate with someone big and heavy slowly pounding their way closer, and there's this deep, deep growling. Every head turns to look at the cupboard stairs, and the head of this giant, armoured monster appears in the entryway. It's got a huge lower jaw, like some of the dragons from How to Train your Dragon. It looked around for a while at the huge crowd all facing it, then, and this is the epic part: every single hand raised up towards the monster. There was a unified shout of "One! Two! THREE!", but only a single fireball was shot out. And at that precise moment, the monster withdrew its head into the hole, so no-one was sure if the fireball hit.
Time skipped a beat, and restarted in slow motion as the monster burst through the walls and leapt, in slow motion, over the crowd as a thousand fireballs raced towards him. I think I remember shouting "fire at will!" somewhere. And then it got so epic that I woke up.
Gotta remember to make a game based on this universe,
The Edna Man
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
BREAKING NEWS: Singapore's Parliament Dissolves After Falling into Vat of Acid
SINGAPORE-- Singapore's 11th Parliament dissolved today after accidentally falling into a large vat of corrosive acid, according to a governmental gazette.
A chemical engineer at the site has identified the solvent as concentrated hydrochloric acid, a highly corrosive inorganic acid usually found in the stomach. Police authorities were unable to explain why the entire cabinet of ministers was near the vat of caustic liquid, let alone how they fell in.
Analysts are refusing to comment on how this unfortunate incident will affect Singapore's political climate, but are advising on a simple way to neutralise the problem.
Said political pundit Mr Alan Kalai, "All we need for this problem is a basic solution."
-----
I'm sorry, I never knew the parliament dissolves before an election. This is the first time I heard it of it.
Pun, pun, pun, pun,
Looking forward to the weekend
Then Edna Man
A chemical engineer at the site has identified the solvent as concentrated hydrochloric acid, a highly corrosive inorganic acid usually found in the stomach. Police authorities were unable to explain why the entire cabinet of ministers was near the vat of caustic liquid, let alone how they fell in.
Analysts are refusing to comment on how this unfortunate incident will affect Singapore's political climate, but are advising on a simple way to neutralise the problem.
Said political pundit Mr Alan Kalai, "All we need for this problem is a basic solution."
-----
I'm sorry, I never knew the parliament dissolves before an election. This is the first time I heard it of it.
Pun, pun, pun, pun,
Looking forward to the weekend
Then Edna Man
500th Post!
I was going to write something but I realized this was going to be my 500th post! Whooo! That's eight years of weird stuff straight from the horse's mouth!
FIVE HUNDRED WHOOOO
The Edna Man
FIVE HUNDRED WHOOOO
The Edna Man
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Girlfriend needs Boyfriend to Carry Handbag
SINGAPORE -- It's her handbag, but he's carrying it.
A video has been making its way around the Singaporean blogosphere, sparking heated debates about whether this generation's girlfriends are too "weak" and "over-dependent".
The video in question, taken with a iPhone, depicts a young man walking in a shopping mall, carrying a distinctly pink tote bag slung over his shoulder, while his girlfriend strolls a little way ahead, messaging on her handphone.
The video was uploaded onto YouTube, and not long after, a number of spoofs surfaced, most of them parodying popular romantic comedies such as Love, Actually and Music and Lyrics.
While some saw the funny side of the situation, the circulation of the short thirty-second clip has left a trail of disgust in its wake, with many netizens complaining about the over-reliance of Singaporean girlfriends on their male counterparts.
"They say Singapore girls are so independent," commented Alfred Tay, a student at Nanyang Technological University (NTU). "So why do they always need their boyfriends to carry their things for them?"
"How can we expect women to hold executive positions if they cannot even hold their own belongings?" asked netizen ntrprnr401K, who would only reveal that he works as a manager at a multinational corporation based here.
Others have brought women's rights into the fray, deploring the social traditions which encourage men to carry the bags of their significant others.
In an online press statement issued by local women's rights organisation the Beautiful Liberation of Urban Rights (BLUR), spokesperson Ms Lee Chio Bu wrote: "It is a sad, sad day where women are not even expected to carry their own fashion acccessories."
However, there were some who believed that the girl should be given the benefit of the doubt, saying that she might have had an injury which did not allow her to carry her handbag. Others claim that the boy is a "true Singapore gentleman" for helping his girlfriend with her heavy load.
"Nowadays the boys are so selfish," commented Amita Saravawaj, a student at Catholic Junior College (CJC). "I wish my boyfriend offered to carry my schoolbag for me."
With the controversy surrounding the video, it is no wonder that a digitally-edited version appeared on the Internet about a week later.
Uploaded by the anonymous Grllvr69, the video also has a short description attached to it, claiming that this video is the authentic one, and that the one with the boy carrying the bag is "a doctored copy".
At first glance, the video seems to show the girl walking with the pink handbag squarely on her shoulder, and with the boy nowhere in sight. However, experts have identified the second video as the fake, pointing out that the area where the boy was standing in the original video was "merely pixellised", that the girl was not the same and was also carrying a different coloured bag.
A spokesman from the Ministry of Community, Youth and Sports (MCYS) said last week that "MCYS takes a very serious view about its youth in public", and that it would investigate and take appropriate action against the girlfriend in question.
Following this announcement, it is reported that the girlfriend has come forward and identified herself to the authorities. However, she cannot be named to protect her identity.
MCYS has also reminded its youth to be aware of the image they project in public.
-----
Honestly, I have no agenda here. I just wanted to transpose the incident (and related news stories) into a different, but similar, situation. I have no anti-feminist leanings, no gripe against any Ministries (mentioned or otherwise), and don't really have anything aganist guys carrying their girl's bags. (I really only don't understand why girls continue to carry stuff in their hands when they have pockets. Or bags.) Seriously, nothing here but some good old-fashioned non-ulterior satire.
I did find it hilarious that someone tried to doctor the original photo though, and it was so hilarious because they didn't even do it properly.
Care for soldiers!
The Edna Man
A video has been making its way around the Singaporean blogosphere, sparking heated debates about whether this generation's girlfriends are too "weak" and "over-dependent".
The video in question, taken with a iPhone, depicts a young man walking in a shopping mall, carrying a distinctly pink tote bag slung over his shoulder, while his girlfriend strolls a little way ahead, messaging on her handphone.
The video was uploaded onto YouTube, and not long after, a number of spoofs surfaced, most of them parodying popular romantic comedies such as Love, Actually and Music and Lyrics.
While some saw the funny side of the situation, the circulation of the short thirty-second clip has left a trail of disgust in its wake, with many netizens complaining about the over-reliance of Singaporean girlfriends on their male counterparts.
"They say Singapore girls are so independent," commented Alfred Tay, a student at Nanyang Technological University (NTU). "So why do they always need their boyfriends to carry their things for them?"
"How can we expect women to hold executive positions if they cannot even hold their own belongings?" asked netizen ntrprnr401K, who would only reveal that he works as a manager at a multinational corporation based here.
Others have brought women's rights into the fray, deploring the social traditions which encourage men to carry the bags of their significant others.
In an online press statement issued by local women's rights organisation the Beautiful Liberation of Urban Rights (BLUR), spokesperson Ms Lee Chio Bu wrote: "It is a sad, sad day where women are not even expected to carry their own fashion acccessories."
However, there were some who believed that the girl should be given the benefit of the doubt, saying that she might have had an injury which did not allow her to carry her handbag. Others claim that the boy is a "true Singapore gentleman" for helping his girlfriend with her heavy load.
"Nowadays the boys are so selfish," commented Amita Saravawaj, a student at Catholic Junior College (CJC). "I wish my boyfriend offered to carry my schoolbag for me."
With the controversy surrounding the video, it is no wonder that a digitally-edited version appeared on the Internet about a week later.
Uploaded by the anonymous Grllvr69, the video also has a short description attached to it, claiming that this video is the authentic one, and that the one with the boy carrying the bag is "a doctored copy".
At first glance, the video seems to show the girl walking with the pink handbag squarely on her shoulder, and with the boy nowhere in sight. However, experts have identified the second video as the fake, pointing out that the area where the boy was standing in the original video was "merely pixellised", that the girl was not the same and was also carrying a different coloured bag.
A spokesman from the Ministry of Community, Youth and Sports (MCYS) said last week that "MCYS takes a very serious view about its youth in public", and that it would investigate and take appropriate action against the girlfriend in question.
Following this announcement, it is reported that the girlfriend has come forward and identified herself to the authorities. However, she cannot be named to protect her identity.
MCYS has also reminded its youth to be aware of the image they project in public.
-----
Honestly, I have no agenda here. I just wanted to transpose the incident (and related news stories) into a different, but similar, situation. I have no anti-feminist leanings, no gripe against any Ministries (mentioned or otherwise), and don't really have anything aganist guys carrying their girl's bags. (I really only don't understand why girls continue to carry stuff in their hands when they have pockets. Or bags.) Seriously, nothing here but some good old-fashioned non-ulterior satire.
I did find it hilarious that someone tried to doctor the original photo though, and it was so hilarious because they didn't even do it properly.
Care for soldiers!
The Edna Man
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
The Republic of Heaven
I have just finished reading Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials for the second time. I blogged about it once. Here I am doing so again.
It is a powerful, powerful force that compels you to re-read a work of fiction. And it is a powerful, powerful story to let you enjoy it for so many times. And the ending still pulled my heartstrings, just like the first time.
Maybe that's what falling in love is?
When I first read the trilogy, I thought I understood everything about it. I saw the countless layers of meaning as clearly as Lyra saw the meanings of the symbols on the alethiometer. After four years, online essays/discussions, TVTropes, and a enjoyable re-reading, I find out so many things I never saw before.
And we are still enthralled by the power of love.
"But just keep up this coming here once a year, just for a hour, just to be together..." -- Lyra
Because we have to build it, wherever we are.
The Edna Man
It is a powerful, powerful force that compels you to re-read a work of fiction. And it is a powerful, powerful story to let you enjoy it for so many times. And the ending still pulled my heartstrings, just like the first time.
Maybe that's what falling in love is?
When I first read the trilogy, I thought I understood everything about it. I saw the countless layers of meaning as clearly as Lyra saw the meanings of the symbols on the alethiometer. After four years, online essays/discussions, TVTropes, and a enjoyable re-reading, I find out so many things I never saw before.
And we are still enthralled by the power of love.
"But just keep up this coming here once a year, just for a hour, just to be together..." -- Lyra
Because we have to build it, wherever we are.
The Edna Man
Monday, April 11, 2011
The Final Countdown
So I invite you to stand with me, one year from tonight, outside the gates of Clementi Camp. And together, we shall give them a 11th of April that shall never, ever be forgot!
Vivaciously,
The Edna Man
Vivaciously,
The Edna Man
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Tirade (Parody)
Tirade, parody of Grenade by Bruno Mars
Ferry comes, ferry goes; every single week
Oh, paint, paint, paint it all; stripes across the cheek
Should've known you was trouble from the field camp
When you stunned my rifle; why stun my rifle?
Followed what you said and you still treat me like trash
You let me get heat rash, you did
To book us out on time is all we ever asked
But what I don't understand is
I threw the grenade for ya
Dug shellscrape with my spade for ya
I drank cordial lemonade for ya
I have to do everything for ya
I spent my whole BMT
Just high kneeling on my bad knee
And what did you do for me, sergeant?
You gave me extra: three
No, no, no, no
Knock, knock, knock it down, pump me 'til I'm dead
Told the OC; I said, "Hey, is this guy right inside the head?"
Mad sergeant, sad sergeant, why you have no life?
You make me RT and then you make me clean my wife
Right after route march then you made us SOC
You treat us like trainees, yes you did
To let us have some sleep is all we ever asked
But what I don't understand is
I water parade for ya
Never stood in the shade for ya
I made myself not downgrade for ya
Yes I'm doing everything for ya
When I go through all this pain
What the hell is going through your brain?
It's only for two years, sergeant
Why be so inhumane?
If I jumped out of the fire
Ooh, you'd catch me with the frying pan
Leaders supposed to inspire
But you never, ever, ever did
But sergeant, I still manned the blockade for ya
Area cleaned like a maid for ya
I do my work underpaid for ya
You make me do everything for ya
If war does come to our nation
This is my only consolation
If I must die for my country
I'll make sure you do the same
Yes, make you do the same
I'll make you do the same
Ooh, you better do the same
Yes, yes, yes, yes
-----
Honestly, I wrote this simply because I was surprised how many rhymes for "grenade" there actually are. I don't know any screwed up sergeants.
Girl, you're amazing; you're a superstar
The Edna Man
Ferry comes, ferry goes; every single week
Oh, paint, paint, paint it all; stripes across the cheek
Should've known you was trouble from the field camp
When you stunned my rifle; why stun my rifle?
Followed what you said and you still treat me like trash
You let me get heat rash, you did
To book us out on time is all we ever asked
But what I don't understand is
I threw the grenade for ya
Dug shellscrape with my spade for ya
I drank cordial lemonade for ya
I have to do everything for ya
I spent my whole BMT
Just high kneeling on my bad knee
And what did you do for me, sergeant?
You gave me extra: three
No, no, no, no
Knock, knock, knock it down, pump me 'til I'm dead
Told the OC; I said, "Hey, is this guy right inside the head?"
Mad sergeant, sad sergeant, why you have no life?
You make me RT and then you make me clean my wife
Right after route march then you made us SOC
You treat us like trainees, yes you did
To let us have some sleep is all we ever asked
But what I don't understand is
I water parade for ya
Never stood in the shade for ya
I made myself not downgrade for ya
Yes I'm doing everything for ya
When I go through all this pain
What the hell is going through your brain?
It's only for two years, sergeant
Why be so inhumane?
If I jumped out of the fire
Ooh, you'd catch me with the frying pan
Leaders supposed to inspire
But you never, ever, ever did
But sergeant, I still manned the blockade for ya
Area cleaned like a maid for ya
I do my work underpaid for ya
You make me do everything for ya
If war does come to our nation
This is my only consolation
If I must die for my country
I'll make sure you do the same
Yes, make you do the same
I'll make you do the same
Ooh, you better do the same
Yes, yes, yes, yes
-----
Honestly, I wrote this simply because I was surprised how many rhymes for "grenade" there actually are. I don't know any screwed up sergeants.
Girl, you're amazing; you're a superstar
The Edna Man
Toradora!
Why do we love?
What is this emotion that powers us through the very essence of our being and propels us through life? Why is it so incomprehensible, so intangible, so incorrigible, so integral, so inexplicable? What is this primal phenomenon that courses through the very fibre of humanity, and is the root of our very existence? Why is it, that when you tunnel to the core of any human situation on Earth, there you will find a soul who is afraid to be alone?
Why does every story on this planet revolve around love? What makes it so compelling that whole industries can be founded on creating stories about love? Is it something that they put into their cast, their characters, that makes them come alive, that makes unreality become reality?
Then, why do we love others who fall in love?
How powerful is this force, that can cause one to love someone who isn't even real? How can you feel for people who don't even exist? Where are these people so I can meet them, talk to them, fall in love with them?
Is it a transferrence of emotion, or maybe a conversion? Or maybe it's the only way in this world to create something from nothing.
Needless to say, I enjoyed Toradora! a lot.
"There is something in this world that no one has ever seen before. It is gentle and sweet. Maybe if it could be seen, everyone would fight over it. That is why the world hid it, so that no one could get their hands on it so easily. However, someday, someone will find it. The person who deserves it the most will definitely find it.
"That is how it is created."
The Edna Man
EDIT: Oh, that's why.
What is this emotion that powers us through the very essence of our being and propels us through life? Why is it so incomprehensible, so intangible, so incorrigible, so integral, so inexplicable? What is this primal phenomenon that courses through the very fibre of humanity, and is the root of our very existence? Why is it, that when you tunnel to the core of any human situation on Earth, there you will find a soul who is afraid to be alone?
Why does every story on this planet revolve around love? What makes it so compelling that whole industries can be founded on creating stories about love? Is it something that they put into their cast, their characters, that makes them come alive, that makes unreality become reality?
Then, why do we love others who fall in love?
How powerful is this force, that can cause one to love someone who isn't even real? How can you feel for people who don't even exist? Where are these people so I can meet them, talk to them, fall in love with them?
Is it a transferrence of emotion, or maybe a conversion? Or maybe it's the only way in this world to create something from nothing.
Needless to say, I enjoyed Toradora! a lot.
"There is something in this world that no one has ever seen before. It is gentle and sweet. Maybe if it could be seen, everyone would fight over it. That is why the world hid it, so that no one could get their hands on it so easily. However, someday, someone will find it. The person who deserves it the most will definitely find it.
"That is how it is created."
The Edna Man
EDIT: Oh, that's why.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
The Quantum Shuttle
Good evening, fans, and here we are at the George Cayley Stadium. It's a beautiful night for a match; there's not a cloud in the ceiling. We've got quite a crowd out here, don't we, Pete?
We sure do, Ed, it's quite a crowd. There are some big names here tonight: there's Michio Kaku sitting in the third row; he's got his bets on Schrödinger, I'm sure. And there's Democritus, who uh, seems to be cutting his programme into half, again and again. Any idea what he's doing there, Ed?
Not a clue, Pete, not a clue. Well, we've got a very important game tonight, and for all the fans out there who have just tuned in, tonight is the highly-anticipated badminton semi-final between Austria's Erwin Schrödinger and Werner Heisenberg from Germany, here at the annual All-Star Scientific Olympiad. These are two very competitive players, and the match could go either way. It might be particularly taxing for Schrödinger, since this isn't the first German he's played against at these games, is it, Pete?
That's right, Ed, Schrödinger faced uh, Albert Einstein in the quarter-finals, who is a strong contender in his own right, mind you. It's almost miraculous, how he managed to counter all of Einstein's shots, travelling at the speed of light, as they were; you know, relatively speaking. Young Schrödinger is showing a lot of potential, and he is one of the hot favourites to bring home the Klein Cup this year.
Sure, Pete, but Heisenberg has been at his top game here at the Olympiad as well, having defeated ah, Julius Oppenheimer last week in his quarter-final. I've never seen anyone return one of Oppenheimer's final, "atomic smashes", haha, as his fans have been calling them, but Heisenberg is here today, and Oppenheimer isn't, which, uh, really goes to show what this Austrian is made of.
Right you are, Ed. And here comes the umpire for the match today: Alfred Nobel, who hails from Sweden, walking out across the court. He's actually uh, one of the strictest officials here at the games, well-known for making very explosive judgement calls.
Well, Pete, the strictest officials are usually the fairest, and Nobel is highly prized in this line of work. Aaaaand here come the players now! Making his entrance from the left end of the stadium, Erwin Schrödinger, giving a friendly wave to the crowd there. He looks like he just got off a plane, doesn't he, Pete? [chuckles]
[chuckles] That bow tie probably also isn't standard issue, but I don't think the officials are ah, going to say anything. Schrödinger looks like he's wielding a Catbox 900, one of the latest racquets in the market, although no-one is ever quite sure if it's good or not until they, uh, buy one.
And here comes Werner Heisenberg, getting roaring support from his fans over at the east wing of the stadium. He looks a bit confused, though, doesn't he, Pete?
Ah, yes, he does look a bit uncertain, but not to worry: there's his coach, Max Planck, coming to him now. That's a dedicated coach, that Planck, constantly pushing Heisenberg to his limits. A few words of encouragement there, from his coach... now both scientists are taking their sides of the court, and it looks like the match is about to begin. [Pause] Brilliant serve there by Schrödinger, getting in the first point of the match. It looks like Heisenberg is still getting his rhythm, doesn't it, Ed?
Yes it does, Pete, and there's another point for Schrödinger, putting him ahead 2-0. It's going to be a long, exciting match, Pete.
***
Welcome back, folks. For those of you who have just tuned in, we are now in the final rally of the heated semi-final between Erwin Schrödinger and Werner Heisenberg, and what an amazing match it's been, hasn't it, Pete?
Sure has, Ed. After two hours of hard rallying, the score is now tied; Schrödinger won the first rally 21-19 but Heisenberg came back in the second rally with an impressive 24-22 blowout. Both scientists have been playing their best game, I think, and now the score now is 29-28 in favour of Schrödinger. This is the closest game we've had since the 1958 final, isn't that right, Ed?
Sure is, Pete, but it looks like development time down there folks. Planck called a timeout a few moments ago, and the players both received advice from their coaches. There's a lot of commotion down there as the crowd is literally buzzing with excitement. Now the players are returning to their sides of the court, and it all comes down to this game point. Heisenberg on service... Good backhand there by Schrödinger... Amazing save there by Heisenberg... Wow! Did you see that, Pete?
Not sure I did, Ed! I don't think I saw the shuttle, but I think I knew how fast it was going, and there was definitely no way that Schrödinger could have returned that shot.
Well Pete, I think I managed to see the shuttle, but I had no idea how fast it was going. That was a very uncertain play by Heisenberg, and one of his speciality moves, if I'm not wrong. Quite right that he has been saving it for this crucial moment in the match; a move like that is usually a game-ender.
It's now 28-29, Heisenberg's service, and it looks like Schrödinger can kiss his trophy goodbye if Heisenberg continues to pull off more stunning shots like that last one. Nice serve there... that was a close one! ... Heisenberg launches the shuttle up high... it looks like... Schrödinger is going to smash... Oh my god! Can you see the shuttle anywhere, Ed?
No I can't, Pete, and neither can Heisenberg. This is unprecedented folks! The shuttlecock has seemingly disappeared into thin air! Heisenberg's looking around uncertainly, I don't he knows where he's supposed to swing his racquet! I've never seen anything like this in all my days of science-casting, have you, Pete?
Well it can certainly compare to the spectacular serve in the doubles match yesterday, where John Crocroft and Ernest Walton somehow managed to split their shuttle into two, winning two points as both halves hit the court simultaneously.
Right you are, Pete. And it looks like Heisenberg is going to take a chance here folks. I think he's going to wing it and swing it, doesn't it, Pete?
He's swinging it alright... and it's over! The shuttle is on the floor! Heisenberg missed that last shot, and Schrödinger has done it! He's won! I do believe that last one was a quantum forehand, Ed, and for a brief moment the shuttle existed in all positions of space until Heisenberg collapsed it into a singularity, forcing the outcome.
Right you are, Pete. And so Erwin Schrödinger is moving on to the finals, where he'll be up against Isaac Newton of England. Schrödinger will have to look out for Newton, a dangerous player in his own right, with drop shots so steep it looks like gravity deliberately pulled them down so quickly.
Well that's all for tonight folks. From the George Cayley stadium, I'm Peter Jensen--
--and I'm Edwin Pridham. Goodnight.
-----
Inspired by a story by Levin. What happens when you cross The Legend of Koizumi and New Horizons to Music Appreciation by Peter Schickele. See if you're a big enough nerd to recognize all the references!
The Cast, in order of appearance:
It's a wonderful day for a concert, there's not a cloud in the ceiling.
The Edna Man
We sure do, Ed, it's quite a crowd. There are some big names here tonight: there's Michio Kaku sitting in the third row; he's got his bets on Schrödinger, I'm sure. And there's Democritus, who uh, seems to be cutting his programme into half, again and again. Any idea what he's doing there, Ed?
Not a clue, Pete, not a clue. Well, we've got a very important game tonight, and for all the fans out there who have just tuned in, tonight is the highly-anticipated badminton semi-final between Austria's Erwin Schrödinger and Werner Heisenberg from Germany, here at the annual All-Star Scientific Olympiad. These are two very competitive players, and the match could go either way. It might be particularly taxing for Schrödinger, since this isn't the first German he's played against at these games, is it, Pete?
That's right, Ed, Schrödinger faced uh, Albert Einstein in the quarter-finals, who is a strong contender in his own right, mind you. It's almost miraculous, how he managed to counter all of Einstein's shots, travelling at the speed of light, as they were; you know, relatively speaking. Young Schrödinger is showing a lot of potential, and he is one of the hot favourites to bring home the Klein Cup this year.
Sure, Pete, but Heisenberg has been at his top game here at the Olympiad as well, having defeated ah, Julius Oppenheimer last week in his quarter-final. I've never seen anyone return one of Oppenheimer's final, "atomic smashes", haha, as his fans have been calling them, but Heisenberg is here today, and Oppenheimer isn't, which, uh, really goes to show what this Austrian is made of.
Right you are, Ed. And here comes the umpire for the match today: Alfred Nobel, who hails from Sweden, walking out across the court. He's actually uh, one of the strictest officials here at the games, well-known for making very explosive judgement calls.
Well, Pete, the strictest officials are usually the fairest, and Nobel is highly prized in this line of work. Aaaaand here come the players now! Making his entrance from the left end of the stadium, Erwin Schrödinger, giving a friendly wave to the crowd there. He looks like he just got off a plane, doesn't he, Pete? [chuckles]
[chuckles] That bow tie probably also isn't standard issue, but I don't think the officials are ah, going to say anything. Schrödinger looks like he's wielding a Catbox 900, one of the latest racquets in the market, although no-one is ever quite sure if it's good or not until they, uh, buy one.
And here comes Werner Heisenberg, getting roaring support from his fans over at the east wing of the stadium. He looks a bit confused, though, doesn't he, Pete?
Ah, yes, he does look a bit uncertain, but not to worry: there's his coach, Max Planck, coming to him now. That's a dedicated coach, that Planck, constantly pushing Heisenberg to his limits. A few words of encouragement there, from his coach... now both scientists are taking their sides of the court, and it looks like the match is about to begin. [Pause] Brilliant serve there by Schrödinger, getting in the first point of the match. It looks like Heisenberg is still getting his rhythm, doesn't it, Ed?
Yes it does, Pete, and there's another point for Schrödinger, putting him ahead 2-0. It's going to be a long, exciting match, Pete.
***
Welcome back, folks. For those of you who have just tuned in, we are now in the final rally of the heated semi-final between Erwin Schrödinger and Werner Heisenberg, and what an amazing match it's been, hasn't it, Pete?
Sure has, Ed. After two hours of hard rallying, the score is now tied; Schrödinger won the first rally 21-19 but Heisenberg came back in the second rally with an impressive 24-22 blowout. Both scientists have been playing their best game, I think, and now the score now is 29-28 in favour of Schrödinger. This is the closest game we've had since the 1958 final, isn't that right, Ed?
Sure is, Pete, but it looks like development time down there folks. Planck called a timeout a few moments ago, and the players both received advice from their coaches. There's a lot of commotion down there as the crowd is literally buzzing with excitement. Now the players are returning to their sides of the court, and it all comes down to this game point. Heisenberg on service... Good backhand there by Schrödinger... Amazing save there by Heisenberg... Wow! Did you see that, Pete?
Not sure I did, Ed! I don't think I saw the shuttle, but I think I knew how fast it was going, and there was definitely no way that Schrödinger could have returned that shot.
Well Pete, I think I managed to see the shuttle, but I had no idea how fast it was going. That was a very uncertain play by Heisenberg, and one of his speciality moves, if I'm not wrong. Quite right that he has been saving it for this crucial moment in the match; a move like that is usually a game-ender.
It's now 28-29, Heisenberg's service, and it looks like Schrödinger can kiss his trophy goodbye if Heisenberg continues to pull off more stunning shots like that last one. Nice serve there... that was a close one! ... Heisenberg launches the shuttle up high... it looks like... Schrödinger is going to smash... Oh my god! Can you see the shuttle anywhere, Ed?
No I can't, Pete, and neither can Heisenberg. This is unprecedented folks! The shuttlecock has seemingly disappeared into thin air! Heisenberg's looking around uncertainly, I don't he knows where he's supposed to swing his racquet! I've never seen anything like this in all my days of science-casting, have you, Pete?
Well it can certainly compare to the spectacular serve in the doubles match yesterday, where John Crocroft and Ernest Walton somehow managed to split their shuttle into two, winning two points as both halves hit the court simultaneously.
Right you are, Pete. And it looks like Heisenberg is going to take a chance here folks. I think he's going to wing it and swing it, doesn't it, Pete?
He's swinging it alright... and it's over! The shuttle is on the floor! Heisenberg missed that last shot, and Schrödinger has done it! He's won! I do believe that last one was a quantum forehand, Ed, and for a brief moment the shuttle existed in all positions of space until Heisenberg collapsed it into a singularity, forcing the outcome.
Right you are, Pete. And so Erwin Schrödinger is moving on to the finals, where he'll be up against Isaac Newton of England. Schrödinger will have to look out for Newton, a dangerous player in his own right, with drop shots so steep it looks like gravity deliberately pulled them down so quickly.
Well that's all for tonight folks. From the George Cayley stadium, I'm Peter Jensen--
--and I'm Edwin Pridham. Goodnight.
-----
Inspired by a story by Levin. What happens when you cross The Legend of Koizumi and New Horizons to Music Appreciation by Peter Schickele. See if you're a big enough nerd to recognize all the references!
The Cast, in order of appearance:
- George Cayley is often hailed as the father of aviation and aerodynamics, important in a sport such as badminton.
- Michio Kaku is a theoretical physicist who is one of the more awesome modern popularizers of science.
- Democritus was an ancient Greek philosopher who was one of the first to describe the concept of atoms by cutting a piece of stone in half again and again until you got a piece that was indivisible.
- I'm both sure and not sure that you know who Erwin Schrödinger is, and I'll only know when you click on the link.
- Werner Heisenberg is most famous for his uncertainty principle. Obviously, you're not sure what it is.
- Albert Einstein is relatively famous for developing prism technology and the Chronosphere.
- The Klein bottle is something like a 3D Möbius strip. I just thought it would be appropriate.
- J. Robert Oppenheimer was the scientific director of the Manhattan Project, which created the first atomic bombs.
- Alfred Nobel's name is up there with Oscar's, Grammy's and Tony's.
- Max Planck was a German physicist who is regarded as the founder of quantum theory. He has a constant named after him.
- John Crocroft and Ernest Walton are the two scientists who first split an atom.
- Isaac Newton was responsible for developing most of the ideas of classical mechanics, and is most famous for being concussed by an apple and blaming it on gravity.
- And just in case you were wondering, Edwin Pridham and Peter L. Jensen are the first people to develop a magnetic coil loudspeaker.
It's a wonderful day for a concert, there's not a cloud in the ceiling.
The Edna Man
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Ode to a Prata Man
Ode to a Prata Man, parody of Teardrops on My Guitar by Taylor Swift
I need to eat
I park my car in one way street
I step out into the heat
And use my phone to send a Tweet
I take a look around
There's people everywhere
And I can't find a seat
Without tissue choping the chair
The place is small
And there's a queue at every stall
I squeeze and I crawl
To the shop at the far wall
I find an Indian man
(I think he looks Tamil)
I wonder who he is
Until he gets behind the grill
'Cos he's the reason for the curry on my prata
The only thing that stops me going out to buy zhi char
I don't know who you are; But I'll buy it
'Cos you've got no queue
I'm still hungry
Looking down in my kopi
So many stalls, that I can see
But I don't feel like eating hokkien mee
I see him standing there
Softly kneading dough
I smell that wonderful smell
And all at once I know
He's the reason for the curry on my prata
I'll never need to go eat char kway teow or buy popiah
Don't want dhal, or achar; I keep saying
There's no one like you
I bring the da bao home
Try not to drop the stack
I think I'll wash my hands
And maybe have a midnight snack
'Cuz he's the reason for the curry on my prata
The only one who can play Taylor Swift on his sitar
Curry stains on my car; I keep eating
While I'm driving, too
Tried 'tissue', and 'paper', but it's never enough
And the 'egg' is not quite as good, it's true
I need to eat
Maybe next time I'll add some meat
-----
Accepted a challenge from a friend.
Hi Miss Swift, if you're somehow reading this, I have to say I'm a great fan of your work. Don't sue me, please.
You Belong With Me,
The Edna Man
I need to eat
I park my car in one way street
I step out into the heat
And use my phone to send a Tweet
I take a look around
There's people everywhere
And I can't find a seat
Without tissue choping the chair
The place is small
And there's a queue at every stall
I squeeze and I crawl
To the shop at the far wall
I find an Indian man
(I think he looks Tamil)
I wonder who he is
Until he gets behind the grill
'Cos he's the reason for the curry on my prata
The only thing that stops me going out to buy zhi char
I don't know who you are; But I'll buy it
'Cos you've got no queue
I'm still hungry
Looking down in my kopi
So many stalls, that I can see
But I don't feel like eating hokkien mee
I see him standing there
Softly kneading dough
I smell that wonderful smell
And all at once I know
He's the reason for the curry on my prata
I'll never need to go eat char kway teow or buy popiah
Don't want dhal, or achar; I keep saying
There's no one like you
I bring the da bao home
Try not to drop the stack
I think I'll wash my hands
And maybe have a midnight snack
'Cuz he's the reason for the curry on my prata
The only one who can play Taylor Swift on his sitar
Curry stains on my car; I keep eating
While I'm driving, too
Tried 'tissue', and 'paper', but it's never enough
And the 'egg' is not quite as good, it's true
I need to eat
Maybe next time I'll add some meat
-----
Accepted a challenge from a friend.
Hi Miss Swift, if you're somehow reading this, I have to say I'm a great fan of your work. Don't sue me, please.
You Belong With Me,
The Edna Man
Thursday, February 10, 2011
New Ang Pao Index to Track Market Cycle
SINGAPORE -- That little red packet (ang pao) you get at Chinese New Year might soon become the greatest indicator of the country's market situation.
The Ministry of Finance revealed today that it is considering using a new Ang Pao Index (API) to track the peaks and troughs of the economic cycle. The index measures the average amount of money given in red packets during Chinese New Year to determine the state of the economy.
"The system is actually very simple," said Ms Vivian Tay, a spokesperson for the Ministry, at a press conference yesterday. "Giving eight to ten dollars is around the average during a healthy economy. Six to eight means that there is currently an economic downturn. Receiving an ang pao with only four to six dollars means that we are currently in a recession."
When asked what receiving less than four dollars meant, Ms Tay said she had no comment, but was heard muttering the words "Lehman Brothers" and "bailouts".
Red packets, or "ang paos" as they are more commonly known, contain a small amount of money, and are traditionally given from married couples to unmarried family members during Chinese New Year. The red colour of the envelope represents good luck and is supposed to ward off evil spirits, while the small amount of money represents good fortune and wealth.
Many economists are praising the new index for its simplicity. "We used to have to take note if there suddenly was two months of negative economic growth," said Mr Tan Poh Cheng, an economic analyst. "Now we just wait for Chinese New Year to come around, and the results will already be there for us."
"It also grants us a perspective of the economic situation from the eyes of the people," said Ms Chan Ong Hui, who works in the Ministry of Finance. "If we know that the general population is feeling the economic crunch, we will better understand how to help them through the difficult time."
Critics, however, have quickly pointed out many flaws in the new index. "There is no proven economic link between red packet donations and the market cycle," said Mr Valkrishna Gunselagaam, a financial investor. He added, "Even Steven Levitt wouldn't be able to do it," referring to the unorthodox American economist who uses economic concepts to challenge conventional wisdom.
Dr. Tiffany Lim, economic professor at the Singapore Institute of Management (SIM), also stated that the cultural tradition might not be elastic enough to be affected by recession.
"Singaporeans are too scared to 'lose face'," said Dr. Lim, "and are also profoundly superstitious. For these reasons, it is highly unlikely that they would give less during a recession, even if they are shorter on disposable income."
Nevertheless, the Ministry of Finance has already begun looking at using the sampul hijau, or green envelopes in Malay, the adaptation of the red packets given during Hari Raya Adilfitri, to provide extra evidence to support the API.
-----
Inspired by a status I saw on Facebook.
Xing Nian Kuai Le!
The Edna Man
The Ministry of Finance revealed today that it is considering using a new Ang Pao Index (API) to track the peaks and troughs of the economic cycle. The index measures the average amount of money given in red packets during Chinese New Year to determine the state of the economy.
"The system is actually very simple," said Ms Vivian Tay, a spokesperson for the Ministry, at a press conference yesterday. "Giving eight to ten dollars is around the average during a healthy economy. Six to eight means that there is currently an economic downturn. Receiving an ang pao with only four to six dollars means that we are currently in a recession."
When asked what receiving less than four dollars meant, Ms Tay said she had no comment, but was heard muttering the words "Lehman Brothers" and "bailouts".
Red packets, or "ang paos" as they are more commonly known, contain a small amount of money, and are traditionally given from married couples to unmarried family members during Chinese New Year. The red colour of the envelope represents good luck and is supposed to ward off evil spirits, while the small amount of money represents good fortune and wealth.
Many economists are praising the new index for its simplicity. "We used to have to take note if there suddenly was two months of negative economic growth," said Mr Tan Poh Cheng, an economic analyst. "Now we just wait for Chinese New Year to come around, and the results will already be there for us."
"It also grants us a perspective of the economic situation from the eyes of the people," said Ms Chan Ong Hui, who works in the Ministry of Finance. "If we know that the general population is feeling the economic crunch, we will better understand how to help them through the difficult time."
Critics, however, have quickly pointed out many flaws in the new index. "There is no proven economic link between red packet donations and the market cycle," said Mr Valkrishna Gunselagaam, a financial investor. He added, "Even Steven Levitt wouldn't be able to do it," referring to the unorthodox American economist who uses economic concepts to challenge conventional wisdom.
Dr. Tiffany Lim, economic professor at the Singapore Institute of Management (SIM), also stated that the cultural tradition might not be elastic enough to be affected by recession.
"Singaporeans are too scared to 'lose face'," said Dr. Lim, "and are also profoundly superstitious. For these reasons, it is highly unlikely that they would give less during a recession, even if they are shorter on disposable income."
Nevertheless, the Ministry of Finance has already begun looking at using the sampul hijau, or green envelopes in Malay, the adaptation of the red packets given during Hari Raya Adilfitri, to provide extra evidence to support the API.
-----
Inspired by a status I saw on Facebook.
Xing Nian Kuai Le!
The Edna Man
Sunday, February 06, 2011
Mahjong Party!
So yesterday we had an AWESOME Mahjong party at Ernest/Hui Jin's house(s). It was almost non-stop Mahjong action from about 12:30pm to 2:00am, and it was awesome. SIBERIAN EXPRESS!
And my first ever sleepover! Kinda. Somehow my mom let me stay over at a friend's house for the first time in my life! I know, I'm deprived.
POOOOOONG!
The Edna Man
And my first ever sleepover! Kinda. Somehow my mom let me stay over at a friend's house for the first time in my life! I know, I'm deprived.
POOOOOONG!
The Edna Man
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Maslow is Dead
...and he has been for about forty years now. But at least his ideas live on. Right?
May I present to you the modern Hierarchy of Needs, v2.0:
It's Maslow's Hierarchy, updated for the new millenium! Made with my society in mind, but probably applies to any society in the First World.
EDUCATION
Right at the bottom, humans of this day and age need an education. It's the very most basic thing you can have in this world. Without it, prepare for a life of busking and road-sweeping, begging for food at every street corner.
PERFECTION
Most people can get an education, but not only that, they need to be good at it. This means passing all your exams. No need to worry about actual knowledge, critical thinking skills or lofty philosophy: all you need is a basic grasp of simple facts and the knowledge of how to play the modern educational system, and you sail through it with flying colours and an impressive cirriculum vitae.
CAREER
What do you do with your resumé? Like any other piece of paper which is worth more than its value in weight, you cash it in, of course! Trading that shiny ten-page monster bursting with your spectacular teenage achievements for a lifetime of constant income seems to be a no-brainer.
FINANCE
This is the real objective here. This should be the base of the pyramid, if they hierarchy could fit into a pyramid. Getting the money is the stepping stone for everything higher up in the system. And you can never have enough. So you invest in various stock opportunities and real estate, hoping to breed your cash like rabbits.
SECURITY
Having the money is not enough. You need to make sure you will always have the money. So some security is needed: in your job, in your investments, in your interest rates.
PHYSIOLOGICAL
Once you have all the money, and you are sure that you will always have the money, you can now fulfill some of your physical needs, because you won't be able to get them without money. You can start going back for lunch break, and getting some sleep, because heaven knows how much of that you sacrificed while climbing the corporate ladder.
MATERIAL
Not that you have sated your most primal physical desires, you can move up a level and satisfy your materialistic lust. This means buying stuff, and lots of it. Fill your lavish abode with things, stuff, objects and random paraphernalia, because the more stuff you have, and the more expensive they are, the more people will respect you as the rich mogul you are.
ESTEEM
Which brings us to the penultimate level of need: esteem. You need to be confident that you are the wealthiest and most successful among your peers, a convenient indicator that shows you have made it to the top of the heap. You need your superiority. You need people to mutter jealously behind your back as you strut around, king of the concrete jungle.
BELONGING
At the end of everything, what a person in this society needs is a family and a sense of belonging. After all, every king needs an heir to pass down his vast inheritance to once his time is up. And now is the time to start making friends out of your enemies, before they jealously stab you in the back, with the intention of taking your place.
SELF-ACTUALISATION
Morality, creativity, spontaneity, problem solving, and an understanding of humanity's place in the universe. Pffft, who needs those?
-----
What a man can be, he'll give it up to make more money.
The Edna Man
May I present to you the modern Hierarchy of Needs, v2.0:
It's Maslow's Hierarchy, updated for the new millenium! Made with my society in mind, but probably applies to any society in the First World.
EDUCATION
Right at the bottom, humans of this day and age need an education. It's the very most basic thing you can have in this world. Without it, prepare for a life of busking and road-sweeping, begging for food at every street corner.
PERFECTION
Most people can get an education, but not only that, they need to be good at it. This means passing all your exams. No need to worry about actual knowledge, critical thinking skills or lofty philosophy: all you need is a basic grasp of simple facts and the knowledge of how to play the modern educational system, and you sail through it with flying colours and an impressive cirriculum vitae.
CAREER
What do you do with your resumé? Like any other piece of paper which is worth more than its value in weight, you cash it in, of course! Trading that shiny ten-page monster bursting with your spectacular teenage achievements for a lifetime of constant income seems to be a no-brainer.
FINANCE
This is the real objective here. This should be the base of the pyramid, if they hierarchy could fit into a pyramid. Getting the money is the stepping stone for everything higher up in the system. And you can never have enough. So you invest in various stock opportunities and real estate, hoping to breed your cash like rabbits.
SECURITY
Having the money is not enough. You need to make sure you will always have the money. So some security is needed: in your job, in your investments, in your interest rates.
PHYSIOLOGICAL
Once you have all the money, and you are sure that you will always have the money, you can now fulfill some of your physical needs, because you won't be able to get them without money. You can start going back for lunch break, and getting some sleep, because heaven knows how much of that you sacrificed while climbing the corporate ladder.
MATERIAL
Not that you have sated your most primal physical desires, you can move up a level and satisfy your materialistic lust. This means buying stuff, and lots of it. Fill your lavish abode with things, stuff, objects and random paraphernalia, because the more stuff you have, and the more expensive they are, the more people will respect you as the rich mogul you are.
ESTEEM
Which brings us to the penultimate level of need: esteem. You need to be confident that you are the wealthiest and most successful among your peers, a convenient indicator that shows you have made it to the top of the heap. You need your superiority. You need people to mutter jealously behind your back as you strut around, king of the concrete jungle.
BELONGING
At the end of everything, what a person in this society needs is a family and a sense of belonging. After all, every king needs an heir to pass down his vast inheritance to once his time is up. And now is the time to start making friends out of your enemies, before they jealously stab you in the back, with the intention of taking your place.
SELF-ACTUALISATION
Morality, creativity, spontaneity, problem solving, and an understanding of humanity's place in the universe. Pffft, who needs those?
-----
What a man can be, he'll give it up to make more money.
The Edna Man
Friday, January 21, 2011
Blind Date
Today for a cohesion activity, our entire office trooped down to Ngee Ann Poly for a Dialogue in the Dark.
Basically what happens is this: They give you a blind man's cane and stick you with a tour guide, who is also visually impaired, then throw you all into this pitch black room with no source of light at all. So you're basically blind for the hour as you maneuver your way across terrain that blind people usually have to go through in real life: a park, Clarke Quay, a food court and a city street.
Honestly, I've had this idea before. We almost come up with something similar with CMPS (Hey! Remember that?) a couple years ago. I've always thought that people don't design with handicap-friendly features more often because they don't have any idea how difficult it is being disabled. I had been toying with the idea of wearing a blindfold for a day to test myself, or maybe even doing it for a charitable cause. But I've never had a good friend (or understanding family) to manage the safety of this dangerous operation.
This experience was totally worth it. I have been completely in the dark once before, crawling through underground tunnels in Vietnam, but that was nothing compared to today's experience. I found it very interesting to attempt to move around like a blind person. I believe it's much easier, physically, to do so if you could see before but got blinded somewhere along the way, because you're familiar with shapes and stuff so you could probably visualise everything you're feeling or hearing. I can't begin to imagine what people who are blind from birth think when they feel or smell or hear. What visualisations come to their mind?
Being blind was one experience, but being in a group of other newly blind people was quite fascinating as well. One thing I noticed is that people tend to talk louder when they can't see. Perhaps it's because they feel the need to compensate for the loss of one sense, or the small narrow corridors which amplified the sounds, or maybe it was just my ears compensating for the lack of sight. The other thing I noticed is that we always need to know the person we bump into, whether from in front or behind. It might be a carry-over from normal society, where you need to apologise profusely for such rude behaviour. Or maybe it's just a security thing, that the fear of bumping into something or someone who isn't any of your friends gets exaggerated in the dark.
All in all, I think it was an awesome experience. I'd definitely go for it again, but by myself. It gets crowded in there.
Best case of "blind leading the blind". Ever.
The Edna Man
Basically what happens is this: They give you a blind man's cane and stick you with a tour guide, who is also visually impaired, then throw you all into this pitch black room with no source of light at all. So you're basically blind for the hour as you maneuver your way across terrain that blind people usually have to go through in real life: a park, Clarke Quay, a food court and a city street.
Honestly, I've had this idea before. We almost come up with something similar with CMPS (Hey! Remember that?) a couple years ago. I've always thought that people don't design with handicap-friendly features more often because they don't have any idea how difficult it is being disabled. I had been toying with the idea of wearing a blindfold for a day to test myself, or maybe even doing it for a charitable cause. But I've never had a good friend (or understanding family) to manage the safety of this dangerous operation.
This experience was totally worth it. I have been completely in the dark once before, crawling through underground tunnels in Vietnam, but that was nothing compared to today's experience. I found it very interesting to attempt to move around like a blind person. I believe it's much easier, physically, to do so if you could see before but got blinded somewhere along the way, because you're familiar with shapes and stuff so you could probably visualise everything you're feeling or hearing. I can't begin to imagine what people who are blind from birth think when they feel or smell or hear. What visualisations come to their mind?
Being blind was one experience, but being in a group of other newly blind people was quite fascinating as well. One thing I noticed is that people tend to talk louder when they can't see. Perhaps it's because they feel the need to compensate for the loss of one sense, or the small narrow corridors which amplified the sounds, or maybe it was just my ears compensating for the lack of sight. The other thing I noticed is that we always need to know the person we bump into, whether from in front or behind. It might be a carry-over from normal society, where you need to apologise profusely for such rude behaviour. Or maybe it's just a security thing, that the fear of bumping into something or someone who isn't any of your friends gets exaggerated in the dark.
All in all, I think it was an awesome experience. I'd definitely go for it again, but by myself. It gets crowded in there.
Best case of "blind leading the blind". Ever.
The Edna Man
Friday, January 14, 2011
Cosmic Irony
So I woke up late this morning and would definitely not make it to camp on time. I raced across the overhead bridge, keeping my eyes peeled for a taxi, and obviously, due to the nature of cosmic fate, my bus comes EXACTLY as I reach the bus stop. When I'm on time, it takes fifteen mintues for it to appear. When I'm late, it poofs into existence just to spite me.
Damn you Murphy, and to hell with your laws.
The Edna Man
Damn you Murphy, and to hell with your laws.
The Edna Man
Thursday, January 06, 2011
Independent Inc. Perfection Output Up 115%
SINGAPORE -- Perfection hit a record high last year: its production increased by 115% from the previous year.
According to a report published by Independent Inc. today, its 2010 production batch of International Baccaulaurate (IB) perfect-scorers amounted to 28 units, compared to the 13 from 2009.
"We are, of course, very proud of our achievements," said an inside source, who wished to remain anonymous. "This kind of production history was something we hoped to achieve, but did not dare to expect."
The International Baccaulaurate is a Diploma Programme which utilises a strict grading system to determine the value of the finished product, and grades them with a "points" system. A perfect score requires 45 points, broken down into seven points each in six academic criteria and three bonus points which judge the products' non-academic qualities, among other things.
Independent Inc. also boasted an extremely high international-quality output, which refer to products which score 40 points or higher. Last year 71.4% made the cut, compared to 68.9% the previous year.
The organisation's only setback was the pass rate. According to the release, a product was disqualified from assessment due to malpractice, and as such, the pass rate dropped from 100% the previous year, to 99.8% last year.
"These kinds of figures are unprecedented," said Adelheid Schwartz, a spokesperson for the International Baccaulaurate Organisation, in a telephone interview from Geneva. "It completely changes what we know about mass-produced academic perfection."
"It has certainly redefined the concept of the 'bell curve'," she added.
Independent Inc. attributes its high quality output to a meticulous two-year assembly line and stringent quality control checks spread across that period. It has been known to discard products which don't make it through the first year of assessment checks, or reassemble them from scratch, to ensure the high yield of its output.
The organisation has also promised to deliver greater yields of production output this year. "When you supply the likes of Oxbridge and the Ivy League, you have to step it up a notch," said our anonymous source. "87.8% of our output already qualify to be shipped there for enhancements and specialisation."
Experts, however, warn about the inflationary effects of increasing numbers of such high-quality produce. Professor Ashwarnit Singh, a market analyst specialising in academic economics, says, "Perfection is like any other currency. If its supply keeps increasing, its value will eventually start decreasing."
"When everybody's super, no one will be," he added.
Critics have also criticised the assessment criteria as being too focused on the academic aspects of the product, and is not focusing on other like skills.
"We haven't invented a printing press which spits out Renaissance masterpieces at the push of a button," said one critic. "You can't mass-produce art like that. And life is an art."
-----
Okay, first of all, this IS NOT a thinly-veiled jibe at a specific institution or organisation: all persons mentioned in this article are fictional, and I don't really have anything personal against the IB programme. It IS HOWEVER a thinly-veiled satire of our current educational system. We obsessed with mass-producing top-scorers sate our unhealthy desires for perfection and superiority.
Many people have been saying this over and over, from an awesome girl who spoke about it in her valedictorian speech, to this guy who is inspired by Apple's policy of thinking differently. But nobody says it better than Sir Ken Robinson. We are using an outdated education system which mass-produced "educated" people for the industrial revolution, and that is what we have been doing ever since. We have to stop chasing the numerical results, and look for the quality in people's lives, because at the final judgment, that is all that matters.
Because when everybody's super, no one will be.
The Edna Man
EDIT 080111: Even a Japanese romance manga from the 1990s knows it.
According to a report published by Independent Inc. today, its 2010 production batch of International Baccaulaurate (IB) perfect-scorers amounted to 28 units, compared to the 13 from 2009.
"We are, of course, very proud of our achievements," said an inside source, who wished to remain anonymous. "This kind of production history was something we hoped to achieve, but did not dare to expect."
The International Baccaulaurate is a Diploma Programme which utilises a strict grading system to determine the value of the finished product, and grades them with a "points" system. A perfect score requires 45 points, broken down into seven points each in six academic criteria and three bonus points which judge the products' non-academic qualities, among other things.
Independent Inc. also boasted an extremely high international-quality output, which refer to products which score 40 points or higher. Last year 71.4% made the cut, compared to 68.9% the previous year.
The organisation's only setback was the pass rate. According to the release, a product was disqualified from assessment due to malpractice, and as such, the pass rate dropped from 100% the previous year, to 99.8% last year.
"These kinds of figures are unprecedented," said Adelheid Schwartz, a spokesperson for the International Baccaulaurate Organisation, in a telephone interview from Geneva. "It completely changes what we know about mass-produced academic perfection."
"It has certainly redefined the concept of the 'bell curve'," she added.
Independent Inc. attributes its high quality output to a meticulous two-year assembly line and stringent quality control checks spread across that period. It has been known to discard products which don't make it through the first year of assessment checks, or reassemble them from scratch, to ensure the high yield of its output.
The organisation has also promised to deliver greater yields of production output this year. "When you supply the likes of Oxbridge and the Ivy League, you have to step it up a notch," said our anonymous source. "87.8% of our output already qualify to be shipped there for enhancements and specialisation."
Experts, however, warn about the inflationary effects of increasing numbers of such high-quality produce. Professor Ashwarnit Singh, a market analyst specialising in academic economics, says, "Perfection is like any other currency. If its supply keeps increasing, its value will eventually start decreasing."
"When everybody's super, no one will be," he added.
Critics have also criticised the assessment criteria as being too focused on the academic aspects of the product, and is not focusing on other like skills.
"We haven't invented a printing press which spits out Renaissance masterpieces at the push of a button," said one critic. "You can't mass-produce art like that. And life is an art."
-----
Okay, first of all, this IS NOT a thinly-veiled jibe at a specific institution or organisation: all persons mentioned in this article are fictional, and I don't really have anything personal against the IB programme. It IS HOWEVER a thinly-veiled satire of our current educational system. We obsessed with mass-producing top-scorers sate our unhealthy desires for perfection and superiority.
Many people have been saying this over and over, from an awesome girl who spoke about it in her valedictorian speech, to this guy who is inspired by Apple's policy of thinking differently. But nobody says it better than Sir Ken Robinson. We are using an outdated education system which mass-produced "educated" people for the industrial revolution, and that is what we have been doing ever since. We have to stop chasing the numerical results, and look for the quality in people's lives, because at the final judgment, that is all that matters.
Because when everybody's super, no one will be.
The Edna Man
EDIT 080111: Even a Japanese romance manga from the 1990s knows it.
Sunday, January 02, 2011
What Would You Wager?
The scene seemed to play out in slow motion as the spent cartridges hit the table. The tinkling sound was followed by a hollow, metallic ring as the mess tin covered the shells. Somewhere in the distance, the sounds of a marching band drifted across the cookhouse.
"I wager... ten days," said one of the men, whose hand was clamped over a mess tin. He looked at the other two. "I'll match ten days," said a second man. The third man thought for a moment, then said, "Agreed." There was a pause as each man counted the handful of shells they had randomly thrown in their concealed hand.
"Wondering how it's played?"
Fresh recruit William Zhang turned around to see that his sergeant, Bill Tan, had come up from behind him. Relaxing, he replied, "I understand, sergeant," and turned his eyes back to the game. One of the men had shouted "Liar!" and all three men were now counting the revealed shells.
"It's a game of deception," William observed. "Your bet includes all shells, not just your own." His brow creased as the two men laughed at their third companion, who had obviously lost. "What are they wagering?" William asked.
"The only thing we have," said Sergeant Bill. "Years of service."
William scratched his chin as the men gathered up the spent shells. "So any serviceman can be challenged?"
"Yes," replied his sergeant. "Anyone."
William paused for only a second. He said out loud to nobody in particular: "I challenge Captain David."
The was a painful caterwauling as the trumpets of the marching band squealed off key, and a series of thumps and crashes akin to percussion section being thrown down a flight of stairs. All faces swiveled to William's, amazement written on each of them, then flicked towards the main doors of the cookhouse. In the silence, only the soft tread of boots could be heard, growing louder by the second. With each step, recruits shrank away into the darker shadows of the hall.
Captain David appeared in the doorway, framed by the shadow of the dark corridor behind him. His eyes quickly found those of Recruit William. "I accept," he said with his trademark lisp, spittle flying from his mouth as he spoke..
Captain David watched William warily as he sat down at the table. "The stakes?" he asked.
"My life," replied William. "An eternity of servitude."
"No!" Sergeant Bill cried out softly.
William didn't flinch as Captain David asked, "Against?" He slowly reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a photograph. It is a grainy picture of what appeared to be an official document, but clearly printed across its header were the words: "RELEASED FROM SERVICE".
Captain David let out a small gasp of surprise. He suddenly stood up to his full, considerable height. "How do you about the document?" he asked vehemently.
Recruit William was unfazed. "That's not part of the game, is it?" He slowly put the photograph back in his pocket and leveled his gaze. "You can still walk away," he told the Captain.
Captain David scowled as slowly sat back down. He reached into his beret and pulled out a folded sheet of paper. He carefully unfolded it until the words across the header could be read. Satisfied, William nodded. Captain David carefully refolded the sheet and slid it under his beret.
Without a word, the two men each grabbed a handful of shells and tossed them into the mess tin, then quickly slammed them face down onto the table. Out of nowhere, a third tin slammed onto the table as well.
Captain David looked from the hand to its owner. "What's this?" he asked Sergeant Bill.
"I'm in. Matching his wager." Sergeant Bill had a hard look in his eye.
"No," William said forcefully. "Don't do this."
Sergeant Bill looked at him dejectedly. He gave William a half shrug. "The die is cast," he said. "I bid three tracers," he said. He turned to look at his commanding officer. "It's your bid, Captain."
Captain david closed his eyes, like he was seeing what could not be seen. He gave a small chuckle before he said confidently, "Four blanks."
William looked down at his hand gripping the mess tin. "Four tracers," he said.
Captain David's eyes slid back to Sergeant Bill. "Six rounds," said the sergeant. William's eyes darted back to the captain.
Captain David peered under his mess tin, revealing four blank rounds and one tracer round. "Seven tracers."
William looked at his rounds: three tracers, one normal, and one practice. "Eight tracers," he said.
Captain David chuckled, a slow, horrific chuckle. "Welcome to the Force, liar." He continued chuckling, until Sergeant David suddenly interrupted, "Twelve tracers."
The captain's head snapped around. He stared at the sergeant. "Twelve tracers," said the sergeant. "Call me a liar, or up the bid."
"And be called a liar myself for the trouble?" asked Captain David. He grabbed Sergeant Bill's mess tin and looked at the collection of rounds he had hidden underneath. "Sergeant Bill, you're a liar and you will spend an eternity in this unit!" He stood up to leave and turned to William. "Recruit Zhang, feel free to leave camp," he snorted, "the next time we book out!" He roared with laughter as he stomped away.
William turned to his sergeant. "Fool. Why did you do that, sergeant?"
Sergeant Bill looked at him morosely. "I couldn't let you lose."
William shook his head. "It was never about winning, or losing," he said.
The sergeant looked perplexed for a moment. Then it hit him. "The form!" he exclaimed. "You just wanted to know where it was."
-----
Inspired by a discussion about automatic MC machines and down-PES jackpots. But you can't guess where it's from.
The only thing we have: years of service.
The Edna Man
"I wager... ten days," said one of the men, whose hand was clamped over a mess tin. He looked at the other two. "I'll match ten days," said a second man. The third man thought for a moment, then said, "Agreed." There was a pause as each man counted the handful of shells they had randomly thrown in their concealed hand.
"Wondering how it's played?"
Fresh recruit William Zhang turned around to see that his sergeant, Bill Tan, had come up from behind him. Relaxing, he replied, "I understand, sergeant," and turned his eyes back to the game. One of the men had shouted "Liar!" and all three men were now counting the revealed shells.
"It's a game of deception," William observed. "Your bet includes all shells, not just your own." His brow creased as the two men laughed at their third companion, who had obviously lost. "What are they wagering?" William asked.
"The only thing we have," said Sergeant Bill. "Years of service."
William scratched his chin as the men gathered up the spent shells. "So any serviceman can be challenged?"
"Yes," replied his sergeant. "Anyone."
William paused for only a second. He said out loud to nobody in particular: "I challenge Captain David."
The was a painful caterwauling as the trumpets of the marching band squealed off key, and a series of thumps and crashes akin to percussion section being thrown down a flight of stairs. All faces swiveled to William's, amazement written on each of them, then flicked towards the main doors of the cookhouse. In the silence, only the soft tread of boots could be heard, growing louder by the second. With each step, recruits shrank away into the darker shadows of the hall.
Captain David appeared in the doorway, framed by the shadow of the dark corridor behind him. His eyes quickly found those of Recruit William. "I accept," he said with his trademark lisp, spittle flying from his mouth as he spoke..
Captain David watched William warily as he sat down at the table. "The stakes?" he asked.
"My life," replied William. "An eternity of servitude."
"No!" Sergeant Bill cried out softly.
William didn't flinch as Captain David asked, "Against?" He slowly reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a photograph. It is a grainy picture of what appeared to be an official document, but clearly printed across its header were the words: "RELEASED FROM SERVICE".
Captain David let out a small gasp of surprise. He suddenly stood up to his full, considerable height. "How do you about the document?" he asked vehemently.
Recruit William was unfazed. "That's not part of the game, is it?" He slowly put the photograph back in his pocket and leveled his gaze. "You can still walk away," he told the Captain.
Captain David scowled as slowly sat back down. He reached into his beret and pulled out a folded sheet of paper. He carefully unfolded it until the words across the header could be read. Satisfied, William nodded. Captain David carefully refolded the sheet and slid it under his beret.
Without a word, the two men each grabbed a handful of shells and tossed them into the mess tin, then quickly slammed them face down onto the table. Out of nowhere, a third tin slammed onto the table as well.
Captain David looked from the hand to its owner. "What's this?" he asked Sergeant Bill.
"I'm in. Matching his wager." Sergeant Bill had a hard look in his eye.
"No," William said forcefully. "Don't do this."
Sergeant Bill looked at him dejectedly. He gave William a half shrug. "The die is cast," he said. "I bid three tracers," he said. He turned to look at his commanding officer. "It's your bid, Captain."
Captain david closed his eyes, like he was seeing what could not be seen. He gave a small chuckle before he said confidently, "Four blanks."
William looked down at his hand gripping the mess tin. "Four tracers," he said.
Captain David's eyes slid back to Sergeant Bill. "Six rounds," said the sergeant. William's eyes darted back to the captain.
Captain David peered under his mess tin, revealing four blank rounds and one tracer round. "Seven tracers."
William looked at his rounds: three tracers, one normal, and one practice. "Eight tracers," he said.
Captain David chuckled, a slow, horrific chuckle. "Welcome to the Force, liar." He continued chuckling, until Sergeant David suddenly interrupted, "Twelve tracers."
The captain's head snapped around. He stared at the sergeant. "Twelve tracers," said the sergeant. "Call me a liar, or up the bid."
"And be called a liar myself for the trouble?" asked Captain David. He grabbed Sergeant Bill's mess tin and looked at the collection of rounds he had hidden underneath. "Sergeant Bill, you're a liar and you will spend an eternity in this unit!" He stood up to leave and turned to William. "Recruit Zhang, feel free to leave camp," he snorted, "the next time we book out!" He roared with laughter as he stomped away.
William turned to his sergeant. "Fool. Why did you do that, sergeant?"
Sergeant Bill looked at him morosely. "I couldn't let you lose."
William shook his head. "It was never about winning, or losing," he said.
The sergeant looked perplexed for a moment. Then it hit him. "The form!" he exclaimed. "You just wanted to know where it was."
-----
Inspired by a discussion about automatic MC machines and down-PES jackpots. But you can't guess where it's from.
The only thing we have: years of service.
The Edna Man
Friday, December 31, 2010
Top Ten of 2010
Hey hey hey, Year's Top Ten is back in business with another installment of the years... top ten. Here's to an awesome future!
1. The Suicide Survival Kit (Written: 27th Dec 2010)
Okay so I forgot about this until now. Chronologically, this should come first I guess. It's a couple of days before the IB results come out for our year, and of course everybody's freaked out of their minds, but I had been watching too much ImprovEverywhere and decided to get a couple of people to do something awesome to commemorate the occasion and, possibly, lighten the mood a bit. Thus the Suicide Survival Kit was born. It offered a cheap, affordable, easy way to kill youself if and when you find out you didn't meet your expectations for your IB results (and hell, in this country, nobody meets their own expectations). We distributed it discreetly to people we knew, and maybe it didn't have the kind of impact I was envisioning, but it sure was fun to make.
2. Love Hina manga series (Link) (Written: 10th Feb 2010)
This is one of the first few mangas I read; I remember borrowing it from a friend when I was in Sec 1 or 2. I never finished it though, and yesterday I finished the ending. Then I had this feeling; Juzzie said it was just the aftereffects of the emotional ride which stories often give you. I just found it so touching... I mean, Harry Potter gave the sense of awesomeness and Dark Materials had love in it too but I only felt it was awesome... this is the first story that made me love the characters, and not just the awesomeness of the plot.
3. Odyssey of the Mind 2010 (Written: 10th April 2010)
Naturally, one of the highlights of the year. All the girls this year were very friendly, and they all made me really happy. They made me consider teaching as a profession. And of course, I'm really proud of them and their achievements, even if they didn't get a real award. I met a whole bunch of wonderful people and I am happy to know that I made so many new friends.
4. Dog Licked (Written: 15th August 2010)
I have never been around dogs much, since my parents tend to keep their distance from them, but my friend Hui Jun has two, who are misnamed according to their colour (Guiness is the white one). So we were at his house for his birthday party, and I was sitting on the floor, and suddenly one of them just comes up to me and starts licking my hand. It was a mix of ticklishness and revulsion. In other words, it felt DAMN WEIRD but I couldn't stop laughing. Of course, I went to wash my hands afterwards.
5. Fried Rice Paradise: The Musical (Written: 22nd August, 2010)
I watched this musical today and it was a blast. It showed me that Singapore productions don't have to be bad, and it inspired with the idea of Audience: The Musical. And I met Dick Lee! Wow.
6. Getting my iPad nano (Written: 1st January, 2011)
So I've constantly advertised myself as a self-sustaining music player with no need for external inputs. That all changed when I bought myself my very own iPad nano at Comex. I am quite pleased with it, and now I can listen to music on the go! I'm still in the process of organising all the music on it though, which is a tough job considering the amount of songs I have rattling up there in my head. (For those who still don't get it, the iPad nano is the iPod Touch.)
7. Completing Final Fantasy VIII (Written: 1st January, 2011)
Okay this is one of those bittersweet things which is fulfilling, yet sad at the same time. I'm quite happy I finally completed the game (and found out what happened at the end of the story) but it's quite sad to actually finish the game which has been with you for about a third of your life and has influenced you in so many different ways. For the record, I love Selphie best. Squall's limit break is cool, but Selphie's is AWESOME.
8. Left 4 Dead 2 (Written: 1st January, 2011)
Sometime this year a group of us started playing Left 4 Dead 2 at a LAN shop somewhere in Upper Bukit Timah. I found out that I'm more a cooperative player than a competitive one (possibly because I don't like losing), and so Left 4 Dead 2 was just one of the best experiences this year. It's so much more interesting and engaging to be working with other people to stay alive in this endless swarm of zombies, instead of killing each other like in CounterStrike or other competitive games. We're still dedicated to beating the game proper, so we're probably going to be doing it again very soon.
9. Singapore's ComiCon: Toys, Games, and Comics Convention (Written: 1st January, 2011)
It definitely was one of the highlights of the year, even though it didn't live up to my expectations. But yeah, it's the first comic-ish convention I've been to, and I did get to see some awesome regional artists and their art, buy a lot of comic books for fractions of the retail price, and got an adorable kitty coin box. Who could ask for more?
10. Meeting with People (Written: 1st January, 2011)
It's one of the small things, but yeah, it's also one of the best things. It's nice to know that we haven't drifted apart so much, but we're still held together, just by a broader net this time instead of the small room-sized ones we used to have. Who knows what will happen when we drift into the world? (At five centimetres per second, no less.) But it was nice meeting up with the people I practically grew up with, seeing them again, laughing, making the same old jokes... I hope some things never change.
Highlights from the Media (in the organisation style of TVTropes)
Anime: The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, 5 Centimetres per Second, Gatekeepers and Gatekeepers 21, Akikan
Haruhi gave me a glimpse into the world of the otaku. 5cm/s was just heartbreaking. Gatekeepers was nice, and it settled one of my childhood curiosities. Akikan was just because Boey asked me to - I liked the soundtrack. There might be more (I think I watched Spirited Away for the second time) but I only just started with the Anime.
Manga: Maximum Ride the manga, The Legend of Koizumi, Love Hina
Maximum Ride Manga was drawn by a Korean guy, but I loved the art and it was awesome to see what the Flock might look like in real-life (hypothetically speaking). I blame Bryan for Koizumi but it's so epic that I can't stop reading it and now I have to wait for the next compilation to come out and be translated. Love Hina was, and is, still the best, and it's the story that will stick with me for a long, long time.
Movies: Inception, Iron Man 2, Finding out about the Avengers (!!!), The Usual Suspects (DVD), How to Tame your Dragon, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnarsus, Ocean's Eleven and Ocean's Twelve
Inception was such an awesome mindscrew that I watched it a second time on the plane back from Australia. Iron Man 2 was just so awesome, I vowed to live to see the day when holographic computing becomes commercially available. And man, the trailers for Thor and Green Lantern look quite pffft, but I'm hoping the AVENGERS MOVIE, the first ever proper superhero team movie, will be awesome. Imaginarium was intriguing, but not really spectacular. Dragon was nice Dreamworks with the tsundere and the Stitch-dragon. Ocean's Eleven and Twelve were so awesome that I'm now desperately trying to find Thirteen. I still need to watch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows pt. 1 and Tron and Tangled.
Books: The Oathbreaker books, Kaimira: The Sky Village, the Alfred Kropp series, Maximum Ride, The Hunger Games and Catching Fire.
I read a lot of books this year, mainly because I make a trip to the library every few weeks, but these were the blockbusters of the literary year. Oathbreaker was surprising nice and rewarding, a nice starter if you're interested in more fantasy-type stories. Kaimira was epic, so compelling and addictive, I'm now dying for the next book (it's been two years already). The Alfred Kropp series was another surprising set, with its mix of humour and emotion and fantasy adventure that is somehow a very compelling read. Maximum Ride was eponymous for the first three books, but then the author started going all environmental on the fourth, which is an important message to put across, but I felt it deviated from the original tone of the book. Hopefully the next two books are better. Hunger Games series was also another very interesting novel, and I went through the sequel as well, and now I somehow need to get my hands on the last book, Mockingjay.
Music: 8-Bit Dr. Horrible, Tim Minchin, Mike Tompkins, Glee
I listened to a lot of music this year, and hopefully DJ Earworm's 2011 mashup will summarize it for me. My MTV Awards are going to the 8-Bit Dr. Horrible soundtrack and game, which totally blew my mind from an already awesome show. Tim Minchin, with his hilarious lyrics and witty satire, gets honourable mentions here too. Mike Tompkins, the guy who bothered to do Dynamite a capalla, that guy is one awesome dude. Glee, I watched more for the music than the drama, which introduced me to a lot of new songs, one of which is stuck in my head now (Kelly Clarkson's My Life Would Suck Without You).
Games: Marvel: Ultimate Alliance, Command & Conquer 3 and Kane's Wrath, NeoSteam, Dragonica, Torchlight, Alteil, Final Fantasy VIII, Final Fantasy Tactics Advance
Ah, a good year for games, since my computer got upgraded this year. I got to play three-year-old birthday presents (not as in, presents for three-year-olds), Ultimate Alliance and C&C3, which were both quite cool. NeoSteam was the MMO I got into with Ernest and Hui Jun before enlistment, and we dropped it when we got to army. I replaced it with Dragonica, because I thought it was cure and the art was nice and the battle system was quite unique. I eventually dropped that too. Torchlight, the first game I ever bought for myself, wasn't quite as fun as I expected; it has minimal storyline and repetitive gameplay, so yeah. Alteil, free online card game I found a couple years back but only reintroduced myself with it this year. Brilliant art by Japanese manga artists, and the battle system is also quite unique. I'm mostly playing it for the art though. Lovely art.
And that's my Twenty Ten. And hey, would you look at that. Nothing from army! Huh.
To 2011!
The Edna Man
1. The Suicide Survival Kit (Written: 27th Dec 2010)
Okay so I forgot about this until now. Chronologically, this should come first I guess. It's a couple of days before the IB results come out for our year, and of course everybody's freaked out of their minds, but I had been watching too much ImprovEverywhere and decided to get a couple of people to do something awesome to commemorate the occasion and, possibly, lighten the mood a bit. Thus the Suicide Survival Kit was born. It offered a cheap, affordable, easy way to kill youself if and when you find out you didn't meet your expectations for your IB results (and hell, in this country, nobody meets their own expectations). We distributed it discreetly to people we knew, and maybe it didn't have the kind of impact I was envisioning, but it sure was fun to make.
2. Love Hina manga series (Link) (Written: 10th Feb 2010)
This is one of the first few mangas I read; I remember borrowing it from a friend when I was in Sec 1 or 2. I never finished it though, and yesterday I finished the ending. Then I had this feeling; Juzzie said it was just the aftereffects of the emotional ride which stories often give you. I just found it so touching... I mean, Harry Potter gave the sense of awesomeness and Dark Materials had love in it too but I only felt it was awesome... this is the first story that made me love the characters, and not just the awesomeness of the plot.
3. Odyssey of the Mind 2010 (Written: 10th April 2010)
Naturally, one of the highlights of the year. All the girls this year were very friendly, and they all made me really happy. They made me consider teaching as a profession. And of course, I'm really proud of them and their achievements, even if they didn't get a real award. I met a whole bunch of wonderful people and I am happy to know that I made so many new friends.
4. Dog Licked (Written: 15th August 2010)
I have never been around dogs much, since my parents tend to keep their distance from them, but my friend Hui Jun has two, who are misnamed according to their colour (Guiness is the white one). So we were at his house for his birthday party, and I was sitting on the floor, and suddenly one of them just comes up to me and starts licking my hand. It was a mix of ticklishness and revulsion. In other words, it felt DAMN WEIRD but I couldn't stop laughing. Of course, I went to wash my hands afterwards.
5. Fried Rice Paradise: The Musical (Written: 22nd August, 2010)
I watched this musical today and it was a blast. It showed me that Singapore productions don't have to be bad, and it inspired with the idea of Audience: The Musical. And I met Dick Lee! Wow.
6. Getting my iPad nano (Written: 1st January, 2011)
So I've constantly advertised myself as a self-sustaining music player with no need for external inputs. That all changed when I bought myself my very own iPad nano at Comex. I am quite pleased with it, and now I can listen to music on the go! I'm still in the process of organising all the music on it though, which is a tough job considering the amount of songs I have rattling up there in my head. (For those who still don't get it, the iPad nano is the iPod Touch.)
7. Completing Final Fantasy VIII (Written: 1st January, 2011)
Okay this is one of those bittersweet things which is fulfilling, yet sad at the same time. I'm quite happy I finally completed the game (and found out what happened at the end of the story) but it's quite sad to actually finish the game which has been with you for about a third of your life and has influenced you in so many different ways. For the record, I love Selphie best. Squall's limit break is cool, but Selphie's is AWESOME.
8. Left 4 Dead 2 (Written: 1st January, 2011)
Sometime this year a group of us started playing Left 4 Dead 2 at a LAN shop somewhere in Upper Bukit Timah. I found out that I'm more a cooperative player than a competitive one (possibly because I don't like losing), and so Left 4 Dead 2 was just one of the best experiences this year. It's so much more interesting and engaging to be working with other people to stay alive in this endless swarm of zombies, instead of killing each other like in CounterStrike or other competitive games. We're still dedicated to beating the game proper, so we're probably going to be doing it again very soon.
9. Singapore's ComiCon: Toys, Games, and Comics Convention (Written: 1st January, 2011)
It definitely was one of the highlights of the year, even though it didn't live up to my expectations. But yeah, it's the first comic-ish convention I've been to, and I did get to see some awesome regional artists and their art, buy a lot of comic books for fractions of the retail price, and got an adorable kitty coin box. Who could ask for more?
10. Meeting with People (Written: 1st January, 2011)
It's one of the small things, but yeah, it's also one of the best things. It's nice to know that we haven't drifted apart so much, but we're still held together, just by a broader net this time instead of the small room-sized ones we used to have. Who knows what will happen when we drift into the world? (At five centimetres per second, no less.) But it was nice meeting up with the people I practically grew up with, seeing them again, laughing, making the same old jokes... I hope some things never change.
Highlights from the Media (in the organisation style of TVTropes)
Anime: The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, 5 Centimetres per Second, Gatekeepers and Gatekeepers 21, Akikan
Haruhi gave me a glimpse into the world of the otaku. 5cm/s was just heartbreaking. Gatekeepers was nice, and it settled one of my childhood curiosities. Akikan was just because Boey asked me to - I liked the soundtrack. There might be more (I think I watched Spirited Away for the second time) but I only just started with the Anime.
Manga: Maximum Ride the manga, The Legend of Koizumi, Love Hina
Maximum Ride Manga was drawn by a Korean guy, but I loved the art and it was awesome to see what the Flock might look like in real-life (hypothetically speaking). I blame Bryan for Koizumi but it's so epic that I can't stop reading it and now I have to wait for the next compilation to come out and be translated. Love Hina was, and is, still the best, and it's the story that will stick with me for a long, long time.
Movies: Inception, Iron Man 2, Finding out about the Avengers (!!!), The Usual Suspects (DVD), How to Tame your Dragon, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnarsus, Ocean's Eleven and Ocean's Twelve
Inception was such an awesome mindscrew that I watched it a second time on the plane back from Australia. Iron Man 2 was just so awesome, I vowed to live to see the day when holographic computing becomes commercially available. And man, the trailers for Thor and Green Lantern look quite pffft, but I'm hoping the AVENGERS MOVIE, the first ever proper superhero team movie, will be awesome. Imaginarium was intriguing, but not really spectacular. Dragon was nice Dreamworks with the tsundere and the Stitch-dragon. Ocean's Eleven and Twelve were so awesome that I'm now desperately trying to find Thirteen. I still need to watch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows pt. 1 and Tron and Tangled.
Books: The Oathbreaker books, Kaimira: The Sky Village, the Alfred Kropp series, Maximum Ride, The Hunger Games and Catching Fire.
I read a lot of books this year, mainly because I make a trip to the library every few weeks, but these were the blockbusters of the literary year. Oathbreaker was surprising nice and rewarding, a nice starter if you're interested in more fantasy-type stories. Kaimira was epic, so compelling and addictive, I'm now dying for the next book (it's been two years already). The Alfred Kropp series was another surprising set, with its mix of humour and emotion and fantasy adventure that is somehow a very compelling read. Maximum Ride was eponymous for the first three books, but then the author started going all environmental on the fourth, which is an important message to put across, but I felt it deviated from the original tone of the book. Hopefully the next two books are better. Hunger Games series was also another very interesting novel, and I went through the sequel as well, and now I somehow need to get my hands on the last book, Mockingjay.
Music: 8-Bit Dr. Horrible, Tim Minchin, Mike Tompkins, Glee
I listened to a lot of music this year, and hopefully DJ Earworm's 2011 mashup will summarize it for me. My MTV Awards are going to the 8-Bit Dr. Horrible soundtrack and game, which totally blew my mind from an already awesome show. Tim Minchin, with his hilarious lyrics and witty satire, gets honourable mentions here too. Mike Tompkins, the guy who bothered to do Dynamite a capalla, that guy is one awesome dude. Glee, I watched more for the music than the drama, which introduced me to a lot of new songs, one of which is stuck in my head now (Kelly Clarkson's My Life Would Suck Without You).
Games: Marvel: Ultimate Alliance, Command & Conquer 3 and Kane's Wrath, NeoSteam, Dragonica, Torchlight, Alteil, Final Fantasy VIII, Final Fantasy Tactics Advance
Ah, a good year for games, since my computer got upgraded this year. I got to play three-year-old birthday presents (not as in, presents for three-year-olds), Ultimate Alliance and C&C3, which were both quite cool. NeoSteam was the MMO I got into with Ernest and Hui Jun before enlistment, and we dropped it when we got to army. I replaced it with Dragonica, because I thought it was cure and the art was nice and the battle system was quite unique. I eventually dropped that too. Torchlight, the first game I ever bought for myself, wasn't quite as fun as I expected; it has minimal storyline and repetitive gameplay, so yeah. Alteil, free online card game I found a couple years back but only reintroduced myself with it this year. Brilliant art by Japanese manga artists, and the battle system is also quite unique. I'm mostly playing it for the art though. Lovely art.
And that's my Twenty Ten. And hey, would you look at that. Nothing from army! Huh.
To 2011!
The Edna Man
Thursday, December 23, 2010
I Come From the Land Down Under
So I just came back from a holiday in Australia. It was more of a parents' holiday, because it's more of stuff that they love doing (like shopping). It seems quite grating to travel halfway across the world just to go to their casinos, instead of doing awesome stuff that you can only do there.
Like feeding kangaroos, for instance. The tame kangaroos are really quite adorable! I also fed a cow with milk (not mine) and fuzzied a sheepdog (also not mine).
I did a crossword! A full one, like, in the Australian newspaper. I felt really accomplished after that.
You better take cover,
The Edna Man
Like feeding kangaroos, for instance. The tame kangaroos are really quite adorable! I also fed a cow with milk (not mine) and fuzzied a sheepdog (also not mine).
I did a crossword! A full one, like, in the Australian newspaper. I felt really accomplished after that.
You better take cover,
The Edna Man
Monday, December 13, 2010
UnConventional
Saturday was my first ever convention. In some ways it was a learning experience, in preparation for my participation at future conventions. And I have to say, I do want to go to more conventions.
So I went to the Toys, Games and Comics Convention at Suntec City. I wanted to get there right when the doors opened, and I did, except that I had to wait outside and watch everyone go in first.
I have to admit, I never knew there were so many cosplayers in Singapore. Some of the costumes were really nice and detailed, and they looked quite cool. There was this one group of people working on a pair of silver wings, which had a fan motor attached to the center, and had a wheel of swords (fake, obviously) attached to the motor. I never saw it working later in the day, but I thought it was quite cool. I remember seeing a really pretty Pokemon cosplayer, but none of us could identify what Pokemon she was cosplaying (yellow and green, if you know by any chance). Jc took a picture with a Venosaur, and Lou Ee got one with Megaman. (I got one with V! But that was later in the day.) There were also a couple of of dudes suited up as Halo shock troopers, those were quite cool.
People usually don't have many good things to say about cosplayers, but me being an actor, I know the kind of liberation you feel when you're dressed up as someone else. It reminds me of this picture I saw about Halloween, which said half of the people get into costume because it lets them be someone else, while the other half does it so that they can be themselves.
As for the rest of the convention, I guess I expected it to be... bigger? I assumed that it would be like ComiCon in the US, but since comics aren't big enough here, they diluted it with games and toys as well. The toys weren't really "toys" per se, more like those novelty gifts and figurines and stuff. Games were mostly new MMORPGs, and they had a huge area in the centre where they kept having tournaments and free demos. One of the more awesome things there was the Artists' Alley, where regional artists (and a few international ones) showcased some of their works. Imaginary Friends Studios was arguably one of the best there, though there was so much talent it was hard to decide a clear winner.
It was the comics that interested me most, and there were few there. There was a booth selling mint conditions of old Marvel and DC comics (I mean 1970s, 1980s), which didn't interest me much. I bought four Civil War trade paperbacks (squeee~!) for only $56 (squeeeeee~!) because they were selling them at a 1 SGD to 1 USD rate. The other three all bought issues of V for Vendetta.
We wandered around for a while before lunch. There was this really adorable cat coin box, where the cat popped out of the top and grabbed the coin before disappearing back in (which I bought, incidentally). Oh, I remember that there was this really pretty girl with an oversized teddy bear advertising for some MMO, but she was kept inside this small booth with a glass screen, and people (guys, mostly) kept stopping to take pictures of her. I thought it was quite cruel and depressing to see her stuck in that box.
There was this Marvel panel discussion in the middle of the afternoon, and I guess it was quite interesting to see the people behind all the great contributions to graphical stories. I remember people asking them quite typical questions, and I was going to ask one about how Asian art was influencing Western comics, but they ran out of time and I didn't get to ask it.
All in all I got a whole bunch of freebies and an idea of what to expect if I come for this expo next year. I'm hoping that they will bring in more comics the next time around though.
That night, we went to watch Walking with Dinosaurs. It's a funny story acutally: we went to meet at Junction 8 for dinner, where we ended up eating Manhattan Fish Market, and we only left at 7.30 (the show was at 8pm at the Indoor Stadium). But when we get to the train station, Shaun Ong managed to get in without having an EZLink card. So we waited for him to get a one-shot ticket, and when we get to the platform, we find out that the train was delayed due to some technical fault. So we stood around for a couple minutes, hoping that the train would come, until it hit 7.45pm. We rushed out of the station to catch a cab, and wound up there at around 8.10. Hopefully we didn't miss much of the show.
The show was quite spectacular. It was extremely well choreographed, and I loved how they made the plants with inflatable balloon-like things. The dinosaurs were so real; the animatronics were fantastic. The T-Rex was AWESOME (and the baby one was quite cute). I kept expecting the narrator to suddenly burst out in Crocodile Hunter, though.
So that was my Saturday. Comics and dinosaurs, always an awesome combination.
Voilá!
The Edna Man
So I went to the Toys, Games and Comics Convention at Suntec City. I wanted to get there right when the doors opened, and I did, except that I had to wait outside and watch everyone go in first.
I have to admit, I never knew there were so many cosplayers in Singapore. Some of the costumes were really nice and detailed, and they looked quite cool. There was this one group of people working on a pair of silver wings, which had a fan motor attached to the center, and had a wheel of swords (fake, obviously) attached to the motor. I never saw it working later in the day, but I thought it was quite cool. I remember seeing a really pretty Pokemon cosplayer, but none of us could identify what Pokemon she was cosplaying (yellow and green, if you know by any chance). Jc took a picture with a Venosaur, and Lou Ee got one with Megaman. (I got one with V! But that was later in the day.) There were also a couple of of dudes suited up as Halo shock troopers, those were quite cool.
People usually don't have many good things to say about cosplayers, but me being an actor, I know the kind of liberation you feel when you're dressed up as someone else. It reminds me of this picture I saw about Halloween, which said half of the people get into costume because it lets them be someone else, while the other half does it so that they can be themselves.
As for the rest of the convention, I guess I expected it to be... bigger? I assumed that it would be like ComiCon in the US, but since comics aren't big enough here, they diluted it with games and toys as well. The toys weren't really "toys" per se, more like those novelty gifts and figurines and stuff. Games were mostly new MMORPGs, and they had a huge area in the centre where they kept having tournaments and free demos. One of the more awesome things there was the Artists' Alley, where regional artists (and a few international ones) showcased some of their works. Imaginary Friends Studios was arguably one of the best there, though there was so much talent it was hard to decide a clear winner.
It was the comics that interested me most, and there were few there. There was a booth selling mint conditions of old Marvel and DC comics (I mean 1970s, 1980s), which didn't interest me much. I bought four Civil War trade paperbacks (squeee~!) for only $56 (squeeeeee~!) because they were selling them at a 1 SGD to 1 USD rate. The other three all bought issues of V for Vendetta.
We wandered around for a while before lunch. There was this really adorable cat coin box, where the cat popped out of the top and grabbed the coin before disappearing back in (which I bought, incidentally). Oh, I remember that there was this really pretty girl with an oversized teddy bear advertising for some MMO, but she was kept inside this small booth with a glass screen, and people (guys, mostly) kept stopping to take pictures of her. I thought it was quite cruel and depressing to see her stuck in that box.
There was this Marvel panel discussion in the middle of the afternoon, and I guess it was quite interesting to see the people behind all the great contributions to graphical stories. I remember people asking them quite typical questions, and I was going to ask one about how Asian art was influencing Western comics, but they ran out of time and I didn't get to ask it.
All in all I got a whole bunch of freebies and an idea of what to expect if I come for this expo next year. I'm hoping that they will bring in more comics the next time around though.
That night, we went to watch Walking with Dinosaurs. It's a funny story acutally: we went to meet at Junction 8 for dinner, where we ended up eating Manhattan Fish Market, and we only left at 7.30 (the show was at 8pm at the Indoor Stadium). But when we get to the train station, Shaun Ong managed to get in without having an EZLink card. So we waited for him to get a one-shot ticket, and when we get to the platform, we find out that the train was delayed due to some technical fault. So we stood around for a couple minutes, hoping that the train would come, until it hit 7.45pm. We rushed out of the station to catch a cab, and wound up there at around 8.10. Hopefully we didn't miss much of the show.
The show was quite spectacular. It was extremely well choreographed, and I loved how they made the plants with inflatable balloon-like things. The dinosaurs were so real; the animatronics were fantastic. The T-Rex was AWESOME (and the baby one was quite cute). I kept expecting the narrator to suddenly burst out in Crocodile Hunter, though.
So that was my Saturday. Comics and dinosaurs, always an awesome combination.
Voilá!
The Edna Man
Saturday, December 04, 2010
Chance Encounters
I take it back. You do meet random people you know on the street.
Today I was coming back from the library and I walked right past Hern Hern and her boyfriend. She didn't recognise me (or didn't notice me, either one, take your pick).
Then at the bus stop at Newton MRT, who do I see walking past to the MRT but Arun, who is apparently taking French lessons somewhere around there. Don't ask.
On the bus, I sit directly behind Mr Raymond Poon, who seems to recognize my face but not my name (I'm that forgettable). We didn't get to talk much because he got off at the next stop.
So yeah. Maybe I should have bought 4D or something today.
What were the odds?
The Edna Man
Today I was coming back from the library and I walked right past Hern Hern and her boyfriend. She didn't recognise me (or didn't notice me, either one, take your pick).
Then at the bus stop at Newton MRT, who do I see walking past to the MRT but Arun, who is apparently taking French lessons somewhere around there. Don't ask.
On the bus, I sit directly behind Mr Raymond Poon, who seems to recognize my face but not my name (I'm that forgettable). We didn't get to talk much because he got off at the next stop.
So yeah. Maybe I should have bought 4D or something today.
What were the odds?
The Edna Man
Monday, November 29, 2010
Slot: The End
And so Selphie cast her ultimate magic spell on my game and it ended. After seven years of investing the the Final Fantasy VIII game, I finally defeated all five forms of Ultemecia and got to the happy ending.
It's a funny story actually. I first played it seven years back when my cousin lent us her Playstation for the December holidays. I played through Disc 1 I think, until I had to return it when school started.
In Sec 2, I then managed to borrow the PC version of the game from Jun Yi. It was old and badly scratched, and the game hung occasionally, but I somehow managed to get to Ultemecia's castle on Disc 4. (By the way, I love the theme song for her castle. The pipe organs are the best.)
Earlier this year, I managed to procure a PS emulator. I played through Disc 3 (The Salt Flats) until my computer crashed. Fortunately, I had saved games. Unfortunately, they were all the way back in Disc 1.
So I fixed the problem and continued from the save game and fought through all the monsters and got all the GFs and smacked Ultima Weapon (he was quite pathetic) and I finished the game. I feel a mixture of accomplishment and disappointment, because now that it's over I feel like I'm going to lose six friends who I followed through seven years, four discs and hundreds of hours of gameplay.
It took me seven years to see that kiss, and it only lasted half a second.
The Edna Man
It's a funny story actually. I first played it seven years back when my cousin lent us her Playstation for the December holidays. I played through Disc 1 I think, until I had to return it when school started.
In Sec 2, I then managed to borrow the PC version of the game from Jun Yi. It was old and badly scratched, and the game hung occasionally, but I somehow managed to get to Ultemecia's castle on Disc 4. (By the way, I love the theme song for her castle. The pipe organs are the best.)
Earlier this year, I managed to procure a PS emulator. I played through Disc 3 (The Salt Flats) until my computer crashed. Fortunately, I had saved games. Unfortunately, they were all the way back in Disc 1.
So I fixed the problem and continued from the save game and fought through all the monsters and got all the GFs and smacked Ultima Weapon (he was quite pathetic) and I finished the game. I feel a mixture of accomplishment and disappointment, because now that it's over I feel like I'm going to lose six friends who I followed through seven years, four discs and hundreds of hours of gameplay.
It took me seven years to see that kiss, and it only lasted half a second.
The Edna Man
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Wonder Girls Transcend Race, Nationality and Gender with Latest Audition
SINGAPORE -- The Ministry of Education (MOE) will lauding the Korean pop girl group Wonder Girls as the latest example of meritocracy. Today, its label JYP Entertainment announced its plans to hold a regional talent audition for the ASEAN region.
The audition is the first of its kind to allow applicants from outside the stereotypes of Korean pop (K-pop) group members.
"Anyone may participate, regardless of nationality or gender," said JYPE spokesperson Mr. Suu Kim Yi in Korean yesterday, at a press conference which was also translated into English, Mandarin, Malay, Tamil, Tagalog, Thai, Bahasa Indonesia, Lao, Burmese, Khmer, and Vietnamese.
"It doesn't matter where you are from or what sex you are. If you have the talent, you can still make it big as a Korean girl group star," he said.
When asked about the reasons for this new international casting call, Mr. Suu replied, "We believe that music and art transcends things like gender, race and nationality. That is why we are doing this."
Local fans are delighted at the latest opportunity to become a famous K-pop star. Said Mr. Thavitharsan Sarmamugan, 22: "I love the Wonder Girls and I can do all the dance moves to their song 'Nobody'. It has always been my dream to be in a K-pop group and I will be so excited to be there for the auditions."
JYPE has also announced that they will not be changing the iconic names of their K-pop group. "The name is now synonymous with successful K-pop, and changing it now will just cause fans to become detached from their favourite artistes," said Mr. Suu. "We also wanted to give the fans and aspiring artists the opportunity to actually be a part of Wonder Girls."
"We want to give everyone a chance to be a Wonder Girl."
Singaporean auditions will be held at Republic Polytechnic on the 9th and 11th of December.
-----
Okay, no offence to Korean pop groups and their fans, or to the Ministry of Education. I just thought that it would be funny if the Wonder Girls actually did host an audition to get new talent from anywhere, and still be labeled as a Korean-pop girl group. Also, no offence to any Indians or any real Mr Thavitharsan Sarmamugan out there, but just imagine photoshopping a typical Indian guy into any pic of the Wonder Girls or SNSD and the juxtaposition would be completely hilarious.
That thing about music transcending race and gender by the way, is true. I believe it anyway.
The Edna Man
The audition is the first of its kind to allow applicants from outside the stereotypes of Korean pop (K-pop) group members.
"Anyone may participate, regardless of nationality or gender," said JYPE spokesperson Mr. Suu Kim Yi in Korean yesterday, at a press conference which was also translated into English, Mandarin, Malay, Tamil, Tagalog, Thai, Bahasa Indonesia, Lao, Burmese, Khmer, and Vietnamese.
"It doesn't matter where you are from or what sex you are. If you have the talent, you can still make it big as a Korean girl group star," he said.
When asked about the reasons for this new international casting call, Mr. Suu replied, "We believe that music and art transcends things like gender, race and nationality. That is why we are doing this."
Local fans are delighted at the latest opportunity to become a famous K-pop star. Said Mr. Thavitharsan Sarmamugan, 22: "I love the Wonder Girls and I can do all the dance moves to their song 'Nobody'. It has always been my dream to be in a K-pop group and I will be so excited to be there for the auditions."
JYPE has also announced that they will not be changing the iconic names of their K-pop group. "The name is now synonymous with successful K-pop, and changing it now will just cause fans to become detached from their favourite artistes," said Mr. Suu. "We also wanted to give the fans and aspiring artists the opportunity to actually be a part of Wonder Girls."
"We want to give everyone a chance to be a Wonder Girl."
Singaporean auditions will be held at Republic Polytechnic on the 9th and 11th of December.
-----
Okay, no offence to Korean pop groups and their fans, or to the Ministry of Education. I just thought that it would be funny if the Wonder Girls actually did host an audition to get new talent from anywhere, and still be labeled as a Korean-pop girl group. Also, no offence to any Indians or any real Mr Thavitharsan Sarmamugan out there, but just imagine photoshopping a typical Indian guy into any pic of the Wonder Girls or SNSD and the juxtaposition would be completely hilarious.
That thing about music transcending race and gender by the way, is true. I believe it anyway.
- JYPE Auditions, if you're interested.
- Lao is the official language of Laos. Khmer is the official language of Cambodia. Tagalog is the official language of the Philippines. You should be able to guess the rest.
The Edna Man
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Scientists Pinpoint Exact Cause of Hearing Loss in Teens
SINGAPORE -- A study conducted by researchers at the National University Hospital (NUH) has pinpointed the exact cause of hearing loss in youths today. Currently, experts believe it is because teens spend much of their time listening to music at dangerously high levels, but head researcher Dr. Stephanie Tay says that this is not the root cause.
"There is a reason youths are turning the volume up," said Dr. Tay, an otologist at NUH. "It's because everything else is too loud."
"Bus engines are too loud. The trains are too loud. And even if you're just walking from place to place, the drilling and pounding from construction sites are too loud," said Dr. Tay.
"It's either turn up the volume or not hear the music at all."
A survey of youths suffering from hearing loss also complemented the findings. "I take the public transport a lot," shouted Jeffery Lim, a student. "I keep turning up the volume on my iPod because the roar of the bus engines always drowns out the music." When asked if he experienced the same difficulties on trains, Mr. Lim only responded loudly, "What? I can't hear you! Speak up!"
Ms Chan Yan Sing, a student at NUH, tells us this story: "I was on the bus one day. I saw this lady not even bother to use headphones at all, and just blasted her music into the air."
"That's just how bad it is," she commented.
Up to one in five youths suffer from hearing loss in America, according to a study published in The Journal of the American Medical Association. It showed that 19.5 percent of children aged 12 to 19 displayed slight and mild hearing loss, an increase from 14.9 percent in an earlier study.
Dr. Tay advises the public to take care of their ears, because hearing loss can be a life-long condition. "Wear noise-cancelling headphones, so you can listen to your music at a safe volume. Alternatively, don't take public transport. Drive."
"And if you are male and enlisting into the army, stay away from guns and the artillery officer vocation," she added.
-----
Seriously, I think that it's kinda ironic that I bought my iPod Touch to listen to music on the go, but whenever I travel I can't hear anything over the industrial noise.
I wanted to add a couple of paragraphs about how public transport operators were angry with the accusations, but I couldn't see hwo to work it in without insulting public transport companies. Go, freedom of speech!
And lastly, some links. Aren't I so fun-ducational?
BOOM BOOM POW,
The Edna Man
"There is a reason youths are turning the volume up," said Dr. Tay, an otologist at NUH. "It's because everything else is too loud."
"Bus engines are too loud. The trains are too loud. And even if you're just walking from place to place, the drilling and pounding from construction sites are too loud," said Dr. Tay.
"It's either turn up the volume or not hear the music at all."
A survey of youths suffering from hearing loss also complemented the findings. "I take the public transport a lot," shouted Jeffery Lim, a student. "I keep turning up the volume on my iPod because the roar of the bus engines always drowns out the music." When asked if he experienced the same difficulties on trains, Mr. Lim only responded loudly, "What? I can't hear you! Speak up!"
Ms Chan Yan Sing, a student at NUH, tells us this story: "I was on the bus one day. I saw this lady not even bother to use headphones at all, and just blasted her music into the air."
"That's just how bad it is," she commented.
Up to one in five youths suffer from hearing loss in America, according to a study published in The Journal of the American Medical Association. It showed that 19.5 percent of children aged 12 to 19 displayed slight and mild hearing loss, an increase from 14.9 percent in an earlier study.
Dr. Tay advises the public to take care of their ears, because hearing loss can be a life-long condition. "Wear noise-cancelling headphones, so you can listen to your music at a safe volume. Alternatively, don't take public transport. Drive."
"And if you are male and enlisting into the army, stay away from guns and the artillery officer vocation," she added.
-----
Seriously, I think that it's kinda ironic that I bought my iPod Touch to listen to music on the go, but whenever I travel I can't hear anything over the industrial noise.
I wanted to add a couple of paragraphs about how public transport operators were angry with the accusations, but I couldn't see hwo to work it in without insulting public transport companies. Go, freedom of speech!
And lastly, some links. Aren't I so fun-ducational?
- Study on Hearing Loss
- Otology, if you don't know what it means
BOOM BOOM POW,
The Edna Man
Thursday, November 11, 2010
It's Beginning to Look too Much Like Christmas
It's Beginning to Look too Much Like Christmas, parody of It's Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas as popularized by Johnny Mathis
It's beginning to look too much like Christmas
Everywhere you go
Once the Halloween profit fails,
Run out the year-end sales,
And line all the shop windows with fake snow!
It's beginning to look too much like Christmas
Toys in every store
When you go on your shopping spree
Must buy two, get one free!
And discounts galore.
They start to hang up the stars and give away cars
For advertising campaigns
Put up the tree as a guarantee
To increase their capital gain
Salesgirls in their santa hats: "Thank you, please come again!"
It's beginning to look too much like Christmas
Everywhere you turn
But the last that I remember,
It only turned November,
And I don't have that kind of cash to burn
It's beginning to look too much like Christmas:
Two more months to go.
This commercialized holiday
Must have started back in May
But I missed the memo.
-----
In other news, a black kitten crossed my path when I was coming home today. It was ADORABLE. I stopped walking and it came up and sniffed my boot before sitting down in front of me. When I started to move, it gave me that upward glance by bending over backwards (you know the one) and mewed! Then it stretched itself and wandered off.
I guess this uniform does make you look like a tree.
The Edna Man
It's beginning to look too much like Christmas
Everywhere you go
Once the Halloween profit fails,
Run out the year-end sales,
And line all the shop windows with fake snow!
It's beginning to look too much like Christmas
Toys in every store
When you go on your shopping spree
Must buy two, get one free!
And discounts galore.
They start to hang up the stars and give away cars
For advertising campaigns
Put up the tree as a guarantee
To increase their capital gain
Salesgirls in their santa hats: "Thank you, please come again!"
It's beginning to look too much like Christmas
Everywhere you turn
But the last that I remember,
It only turned November,
And I don't have that kind of cash to burn
It's beginning to look too much like Christmas:
Two more months to go.
This commercialized holiday
Must have started back in May
But I missed the memo.
-----
In other news, a black kitten crossed my path when I was coming home today. It was ADORABLE. I stopped walking and it came up and sniffed my boot before sitting down in front of me. When I started to move, it gave me that upward glance by bending over backwards (you know the one) and mewed! Then it stretched itself and wandered off.
I guess this uniform does make you look like a tree.
The Edna Man
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Oathbreaker
It is rare that I fall in love with a new book or series, and such books are few and far between. The Oathbreaker books, which comprises of Assassin's Apprentice and Prince Among Killers, is one of those stories which really managed to engage me in the full experience of it.
I believe that this story is a good place to start into the forays of epic fantasy fiction. It's longer than its more "accessible" contemporaries, and starts off a bit slow. But that is what made me endear to Aron's character more, and throughout the chapters, I almost felt his pain as mine. I was so disappointed when Aron discovered the true fate of his love interest, and was delighted to find out that he still had a happy ending. I think that's what every great author hopes to achieve, to have their readers so absorbed into the story that they start to believe that the fiction is reality.
The series takes its place on my hallowed Imaginary Bookshelf of Awesome Stories, along with the likes of Harry Potter, His Dark Materials and the Mortal Engines series (all of which you should have read, be reading, or be reading in the near future).
To Stone go the Stones,
The Edna Man
I believe that this story is a good place to start into the forays of epic fantasy fiction. It's longer than its more "accessible" contemporaries, and starts off a bit slow. But that is what made me endear to Aron's character more, and throughout the chapters, I almost felt his pain as mine. I was so disappointed when Aron discovered the true fate of his love interest, and was delighted to find out that he still had a happy ending. I think that's what every great author hopes to achieve, to have their readers so absorbed into the story that they start to believe that the fiction is reality.
The series takes its place on my hallowed Imaginary Bookshelf of Awesome Stories, along with the likes of Harry Potter, His Dark Materials and the Mortal Engines series (all of which you should have read, be reading, or be reading in the near future).
To Stone go the Stones,
The Edna Man
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Juxtaposition
I Gotta Feeling (Bad Day), parody of I Gotta Feelin' by Black Eyed Peas
I gotta feeling
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad, bad day
A feeling
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad, bad day
A feeling (Oh no)
That today's gonna be a good night
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad, bad day
A feeling (Oh no)
That today's gonna be a good night
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad, bad day
Where is the moment
We needed most
You kick up leaves
The magic's lost
Tell me your blue skies
They fade to grey
Tell me your passion
Has gone a-WAY!
I don't need no carryin' on
You say you don't know but you're singing sad songs
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You stand in line
To hit new lows
You're faking smiles
Coffee's to go
Tell me your life's
Been way offline
Falling to pieces
And it happens everytime
It's stupid, it's stupid, it's stupid, it's stupid
So stupid, so stupid, it's horrible
And stupid, and stupid, it's stupid, stupid, stupid
it's stupid, it's stupid, it's stupid
'Cause I gotta feeling (Boohoo)
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad, bad day
A feeling (Boohoo)
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad, bad day
Where is the moment
(Moment!)
We needed most
(We need it most!)
You kick up leaves
(Kick up the leaves!)
The magic's lost
(Lost!)
Tell me your blue skies
(Blue skies)
They fade to grey
(They fade to what?)
Tell me your passion
(Passion!)
Has gone a-WAY!
You stand in line
(Wait)
To hit new lows
(In line)
You're faking smiles
(Ha ha, hee hee)
Coffee's to go
Tell me your life's
(Your life)
Been way offline
(It's so offline)
Falling to pieces
And it happens everytime
It's stupid, it's stupid, it's stupid, it's stupid
So stupid, so stupid, it's terrible
And stupid, and stupid, it's stupid, stupid, stupid
it's stupid, it's stupid, it's stupid
Sometimes the, system goes, all on the blink
(Blink blink blink blink blink)
The whole thing, turns out wrong, can't even think
(Think think think think think)
You might not, make it back, and you're not wrong
(Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong)
That you could, could be well, well oh that strong
(Strong strong strong strong strong)
Well you, need a, blue sky holiday
(Bad day!)
The point, is that, they laugh at what you say
(Bad day!)
Take, take, take, take, take one down, you've seen what you like (like)
The camera don't lie, t-t-t-the camera don't lie
And I'm feelin' (Boohoo)
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad, bad day
I gotta feeling
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad, bad day
Good Night, parody of Bad Day by Daniel Powter
Tonight is the night, let's go live it up
I got all my money, let's go spend it up
We'll go out and smash it, like oh my god
We'll jump off that sofa, and just get it off
And then we'll do it all again
Please fill up my cup; hey thanks, mazeltov
Hey, look at her dancing; should just take it off
You want to go and paint the town red
You want to go shut it, and shut it down dead
And then we'll do it all again
'Cause you had a good night
You just want to dance
You take a nice song and you tune it to trance
You wanna get drunk
You bring out the beer
You just want to party 'cause the weekend is near
Your house is soundproof
You burn down the roof
You're bring the house down and enjoying your youth
You had a good night
You had a good night
Well I know that we will have a ball
If we get down, go out, and just lose it all
And then we'll do it all again
'Cause you had a good night
You just want to dance
You take a nice song and you tune it to trance
You wanna get drunk
You bring out the beer
You just want to party 'cause the weekend is near
Your house is soundproof
You burn down the roof
You're bring the house down and enjoying your youth
You had a good night
(Oh... Every night...)
We come or we go, we gotta rock
And we all turn out on top
You feel shot, body rock, and don't stop
Round and round, around the clock
And I'm in shock
(Yeah...!)
Tonight is the night, let's go live it up
Oh, you and I
I got all my money, let's go spend it up
'Cause you had a good night
You just want to dance
You take a nice song and you tune it to trance
You wanna get drunk
You bring out the beer
You just want to party 'cause the weekend is near
You had a good night
You've seen what you like
And what you can have just one more time
You had a good night
You had a good night
-----
WHY DID I NOT SEE THIS EARLIER.
I am not really proud of this mashup/parody hybrid, but it was funny when I thought about it first. The Powter parody was harder; the Black Eyed Peas are definitely not known for theit lyrical diversity.
Ruining nice songs since 2005,
The Edna Man
I gotta feeling
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad, bad day
A feeling
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad, bad day
A feeling (Oh no)
That today's gonna be a good night
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad, bad day
A feeling (Oh no)
That today's gonna be a good night
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad, bad day
Where is the moment
We needed most
You kick up leaves
The magic's lost
Tell me your blue skies
They fade to grey
Tell me your passion
Has gone a-WAY!
I don't need no carryin' on
You say you don't know but you're singing sad songs
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You stand in line
To hit new lows
You're faking smiles
Coffee's to go
Tell me your life's
Been way offline
Falling to pieces
And it happens everytime
It's stupid, it's stupid, it's stupid, it's stupid
So stupid, so stupid, it's horrible
And stupid, and stupid, it's stupid, stupid, stupid
it's stupid, it's stupid, it's stupid
'Cause I gotta feeling (Boohoo)
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad, bad day
A feeling (Boohoo)
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad, bad day
Where is the moment
(Moment!)
We needed most
(We need it most!)
You kick up leaves
(Kick up the leaves!)
The magic's lost
(Lost!)
Tell me your blue skies
(Blue skies)
They fade to grey
(They fade to what?)
Tell me your passion
(Passion!)
Has gone a-WAY!
You stand in line
(Wait)
To hit new lows
(In line)
You're faking smiles
(Ha ha, hee hee)
Coffee's to go
Tell me your life's
(Your life)
Been way offline
(It's so offline)
Falling to pieces
And it happens everytime
It's stupid, it's stupid, it's stupid, it's stupid
So stupid, so stupid, it's terrible
And stupid, and stupid, it's stupid, stupid, stupid
it's stupid, it's stupid, it's stupid
Sometimes the, system goes, all on the blink
(Blink blink blink blink blink)
The whole thing, turns out wrong, can't even think
(Think think think think think)
You might not, make it back, and you're not wrong
(Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong)
That you could, could be well, well oh that strong
(Strong strong strong strong strong)
Well you, need a, blue sky holiday
(Bad day!)
The point, is that, they laugh at what you say
(Bad day!)
Take, take, take, take, take one down, you've seen what you like (like)
The camera don't lie, t-t-t-the camera don't lie
And I'm feelin' (Boohoo)
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad, bad day
I gotta feeling
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad, bad day
Good Night, parody of Bad Day by Daniel Powter
Tonight is the night, let's go live it up
I got all my money, let's go spend it up
We'll go out and smash it, like oh my god
We'll jump off that sofa, and just get it off
And then we'll do it all again
Please fill up my cup; hey thanks, mazeltov
Hey, look at her dancing; should just take it off
You want to go and paint the town red
You want to go shut it, and shut it down dead
And then we'll do it all again
'Cause you had a good night
You just want to dance
You take a nice song and you tune it to trance
You wanna get drunk
You bring out the beer
You just want to party 'cause the weekend is near
Your house is soundproof
You burn down the roof
You're bring the house down and enjoying your youth
You had a good night
You had a good night
Well I know that we will have a ball
If we get down, go out, and just lose it all
And then we'll do it all again
'Cause you had a good night
You just want to dance
You take a nice song and you tune it to trance
You wanna get drunk
You bring out the beer
You just want to party 'cause the weekend is near
Your house is soundproof
You burn down the roof
You're bring the house down and enjoying your youth
You had a good night
(Oh... Every night...)
We come or we go, we gotta rock
And we all turn out on top
You feel shot, body rock, and don't stop
Round and round, around the clock
And I'm in shock
(Yeah...!)
Tonight is the night, let's go live it up
Oh, you and I
I got all my money, let's go spend it up
'Cause you had a good night
You just want to dance
You take a nice song and you tune it to trance
You wanna get drunk
You bring out the beer
You just want to party 'cause the weekend is near
You had a good night
You've seen what you like
And what you can have just one more time
You had a good night
You had a good night
-----
WHY DID I NOT SEE THIS EARLIER.
I am not really proud of this mashup/parody hybrid, but it was funny when I thought about it first. The Powter parody was harder; the Black Eyed Peas are definitely not known for theit lyrical diversity.
Ruining nice songs since 2005,
The Edna Man
Thursday, October 21, 2010
NEWSFLASH: Indonesian Slash-And-Burn Farmers Actually Combating Global Warming with Geoengineering
Sumatra, Indonesia -- Global warming is often hailed as one of the world's biggest crises of today, but that is not stopping local farmers from playing their part in fighting this international problem.
Last week, slash-and-burn farmers in Sumatra and Kalimantan once again started burning large areas of tropical rainforest, in a centuries-old tradition aimed at combating global warming.
"It's a legitimate technique called 'geoengineering', and it will change the world," Wakarno Suparputra said yesterday, on the grounds of his family's farmstead in southern Sumatra. Suparputra is the chairman of Indonesian Agriculture for Climate Change (IACC), an organisation renowned for using radical techniques to reverse the effects of global warming.
"The science is sound," he explained. "Burning these significant amounts of organic matter releases millions of kilotons of sulphur dioxide into the atmosphere. This gas transforms into sulphur dioxide droplets, an aerosol which reflects sunlight, and will eventually lead to global cooling."
"It also has the unfortuante side effect of creating hundreds of hectares of fertile farmland, and we are taking measures to control its spread by using them in the production of large quanties of crop," he commented.
Similar solar radiation techniques have previously been employed by The Krakatoan Initiative, a group of volcanologists who believe that increasing the frequency if volcanic eruptions would also contribute to lower average global temperatures.
"Nature has been doing this for thousands of years," said Dr Petrasiva Widjaya, a top scientist from the Initiative. "Historically, large volcanic eruptions have cause discernable global cooling. Mount Pinabuto's eruption in 1991 caused global temperatures to fall by 0.5-0.6°C, due to the huge amount of volcanic silica thrown into the upper atmosphere. The slash-and-burn technique is really just based on the same principle."
Mainstream environmentalists, however, are in an uproar over the drastic measures employed by the IACC, with one even calling it "the worst case of 'paving the road to hell' in the last decade". They are expressing outrage at the numerous negative side effects if the forest fires, the least of which is the large haze cloud which has drifted over the Malaysian peninsula, causing an increase in the risk of asthma and other breathing-related ailments.
"Not only are they destroying the habitats of thousands of species, they are increasing the likelyhood of acid rain, as well as thinning the ozone layer," fumed conservationist Peter Hartono at a press conference yesterday.
But Suparputra is adamant that his methods will save the world. "The western countries are still sitting on their hands with regards to climate change," he says, "and it is about time someone stood up to make a difference."
"At least this makes more sense than that Peruvian guy who wants to paint his mountain white," Suparputra added.
-----
Man, the haze is really bad here.
First off, please don't take this the wrong way. This article is a work of fiction, and should be treated as such. It was an attempt to write a satirical news article a la The Onion, but it didn't turn out quite so satirical and not nearly as funny. You might learn a couple of things from it though...
1. Geoengineering
2. Stratospheric sulphur aerosols
3. Krakatoa
4. Peruvian Andes Whitewashed
I really hope you can sort the fact from fiction.
This is
The Edna Man
for E-DNA news. Goodnight.
Last week, slash-and-burn farmers in Sumatra and Kalimantan once again started burning large areas of tropical rainforest, in a centuries-old tradition aimed at combating global warming.
"It's a legitimate technique called 'geoengineering', and it will change the world," Wakarno Suparputra said yesterday, on the grounds of his family's farmstead in southern Sumatra. Suparputra is the chairman of Indonesian Agriculture for Climate Change (IACC), an organisation renowned for using radical techniques to reverse the effects of global warming.
"The science is sound," he explained. "Burning these significant amounts of organic matter releases millions of kilotons of sulphur dioxide into the atmosphere. This gas transforms into sulphur dioxide droplets, an aerosol which reflects sunlight, and will eventually lead to global cooling."
"It also has the unfortuante side effect of creating hundreds of hectares of fertile farmland, and we are taking measures to control its spread by using them in the production of large quanties of crop," he commented.
Similar solar radiation techniques have previously been employed by The Krakatoan Initiative, a group of volcanologists who believe that increasing the frequency if volcanic eruptions would also contribute to lower average global temperatures.
"Nature has been doing this for thousands of years," said Dr Petrasiva Widjaya, a top scientist from the Initiative. "Historically, large volcanic eruptions have cause discernable global cooling. Mount Pinabuto's eruption in 1991 caused global temperatures to fall by 0.5-0.6°C, due to the huge amount of volcanic silica thrown into the upper atmosphere. The slash-and-burn technique is really just based on the same principle."
Mainstream environmentalists, however, are in an uproar over the drastic measures employed by the IACC, with one even calling it "the worst case of 'paving the road to hell' in the last decade". They are expressing outrage at the numerous negative side effects if the forest fires, the least of which is the large haze cloud which has drifted over the Malaysian peninsula, causing an increase in the risk of asthma and other breathing-related ailments.
"Not only are they destroying the habitats of thousands of species, they are increasing the likelyhood of acid rain, as well as thinning the ozone layer," fumed conservationist Peter Hartono at a press conference yesterday.
But Suparputra is adamant that his methods will save the world. "The western countries are still sitting on their hands with regards to climate change," he says, "and it is about time someone stood up to make a difference."
"At least this makes more sense than that Peruvian guy who wants to paint his mountain white," Suparputra added.
-----
Man, the haze is really bad here.
First off, please don't take this the wrong way. This article is a work of fiction, and should be treated as such. It was an attempt to write a satirical news article a la The Onion, but it didn't turn out quite so satirical and not nearly as funny. You might learn a couple of things from it though...
1. Geoengineering
2. Stratospheric sulphur aerosols
3. Krakatoa
4. Peruvian Andes Whitewashed
I really hope you can sort the fact from fiction.
This is
The Edna Man
for E-DNA news. Goodnight.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
101010
It's not much of a comment, but today's a Perfect 10. You gotta wait a whole millenium for these things. What an occasion. Too bad it wasn't really special or anything.
Ten Thousand Thundering Typhoons,
The Edna Man
Ten Thousand Thundering Typhoons,
The Edna Man
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