Saturday, May 07, 2011

Election Fever Reaches Epidemic Proportions

SINGAPORE -- The outbreak of "election fever" has reached epidemic levels, experts warn.

As of 8am this morning, more than 2 million Singaporeans have been infected by this rare disease, forcing Ministry of Health (MOH) officials to raise the disease's Threat Level to five, the highest on the scale.

The outbreak has already claimed hundreds of man-hours worth of news coverage, from both digital and print media. Words like "reform" and "opposition" have reinfected the local vocabulary, and political rallies, which are usually contained within the Speaker's Corner at Hong Lim Park and usually never exist, ran rampant in open fields across the island until officials put a stop to them on Thursday night.

"It has never been this widespread before," said Mr Poh Ah Peng, a spokesperson from MOH. "Since it surfaced in Singapore in 1959, election fever has kept intensifying over the years every time it appears."

"It promises a very frightening future for this country," said Mr Poh.

Election fever, officially diagnosed as
democracitis, is a recurring disease caused by the virus votium ballotpox. It is transmitted through the air by political discussions, and, once it infects its host, makes its way to the brain, causing the victim to suffer increased political awareness and a uncontrollable urge to make a choice. It only affects adults, but strains of the virus are increasingly being detected in youths and teenagers, often as young as eighteen years of age.

Earlier this week, dozens of the Ministry's political doctors, or "politricians", took measurses to quarantine the population into various isolation zones, called "constituencies". They are hoping to contain the outbreak until Saturday, when the only known cure for election fever will be administered: an election.

Democracitis is not native to Singapore, where it resurfaces about once every five years. The first recorded outbreak of democracitis was in 507 BC in ancient Greece. Since then, cases of election fever have been recorded in republics across the world.


Why does everybody get so excited over this?

"Truth is not determined by majority vote." ~Doug Gwyn
The Edna Man

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