Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Ocean

The harassed mother rushed frantically around the room, grabbing a handful of toys and throwing them into a nearby box. "Nicole!" she shouted, while attempting to fold up two blankets and nudge a teddy bear under the bed in one fell swoop; "Nicole! Come here and clean your room!"

The little girl wandered over to the doorway. "What's wrong, mommy?" she asked. "My room's always been like that."

"Your uncles and aunties are coming over," said the mother, untangling the books from the half-folded bedsheets, "and I want them to see how neat and tidy your room is."

Nicole stood silently in the doorway for a moment. "But mommy," she said, "isn't that like lying?"

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Seriously, Question your Aims
The Edna Man

S-A-M-A-N-A-S

I wrote this on Sunday, but because of my self-imposed boycott of Euler's constant I couldn't post it. There are some ideas that just hit you without warning, and then you start parodying a song in the middle of planning for your English Set Text Essay.

S-A-M-A-N-A-S, parody of Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani
Uh huh, ascetic
All the elders stomp your feet like this

I left home, no turning back
Met my best friend beside that shack
And I ain't at Nirvana yet
I ain't at Nirvana yet

The Brahmin don't work for me
So I seek my ultimate destiny
'Cause I ain't at Nirvana yet
I ain't at Nirvana yet

Oooh, ascetic, ascetic
Oooh, ascetic, ascetic
Oooh, ascetic, ascetic
Oooh, ascetic, ascetic

I heard those three walking through town
Silent and unselfed and cloaked in brown
People hear you talking like that, getting my own daddy fired up
So I'm ready to be last, gonna start to fast
Gonna get very numb, gonna reach transcendence
That's right, put your full name down, getting everybody signed up

A few times I've astral project
But I'm still not just that perfect
'Cause I ain't at Nirvana yet
I ain't at Nirvana yet

Everything just stank of lies
My gave grew icy when it reached my eyes
'Cause I ain't at Nirvana yet
I ain't at Nirvana yet

Oooh, ascetic, ascetic
Oooh, ascetic, ascetic
Oooh, ascetic, ascetic
Oooh, ascetic, ascetic

I use my soul, entered different creatures
Lived through their lives, just like my preachers
Both of us wanna be enlightened, but there can only be one (true path)
So I'm gonna die, gonna be born again
Going through the pain, of another cycle
That's right, I'm the last one standing, another one bites the dust

Many paths traveled my soul
But we're still not yet reached out goal
'Cause I ain't at Nirvana yet
I ain't at Nirvana yet

Ever since that I left home
I still haven't heard the "Om",
And I ain't at Nirvana yet
I ain't at Nirvana yet

Oooh, ascetic, ascetic
Oooh, ascetic, ascetic
Oooh, ascetic, ascetic
Oooh, ascetic, ascetic

Let me hear you say
We are the samanas, S-A-M-A-N-A-S
We are the samanas, S-A-M-A-N-A-S
We are the samanas, S-A-M-A-N-A-S
We are the samanas, S-A-M-A-N-A-S

A rumour's been going round
Of Gautama Buddha, much renowned
And I ain't at Nirvana yet
I ain't at Nirvana yet

Sublime One, I have no doubt
So we're all leaving to check him out
'Cause I ain't at Nirvana yet
I ain't at Nirvana yet

Oooh, ascetic, ascetic
Oooh, ascetic, ascetic
Oooh, ascetic, ascetic
Oooh, ascetic, ascetic

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Disclaimer: This parody is not intended to make fun of any Indian religion or culture whatsoever. It makes reference to Herman Hesse's Siddhartha, written in a fit of sian-ness and inspiration.

Victoree!

And the time has passed, and the lipogrammatic restriction has been lifted. It really is quite challenging to write continuously without using that glyph; think of the sabotage one could do if the whole world's "e" keys went mysteriously missing. It was most difficult to speak in past tense, because of all the -ed suffixes, as well as comparatively, because of the -er; and the present participle, because of the -en. This language really uses a hell lot of "e"s. But well, it was kinda fun while it lasted, but I didn't really talk much to many people.

Egad!
The Edna Man

A Void

So, tonight I commit my linguistic skills through a most taxing trial. Owing to my four-thousand-word horror-of-horrors, I will abstain from using that most common symbol in any digital communication for 24 hours. If it is fact that a book could abstain from that irrational not-a-consonant, this small dry run should turn out as a portion of pi.

Yours truly,
(Mom or dad's bro) (That short lady from that Pixar animation about a Fantastic family)

What EEducation?

[[As an aside, I slept through 13 and a half straight hours from last night to this morning. Total system crash, if you know what I mean.]]

Seriously, you learn more about everything else than what you're supposed to be researching on for your EE.

After another trek to the Central Library, I learnt that the Burger King at Raffles City has been closed for renovations; and I can't stick my umbrella in my bag for "look ma, no hands!" weather protection; today is National Tour Guide 2009, with free tours all around major parts of the city; I found out what modulus means (clock numbers!), as well as thinking in Euclidean space, finding the lies in statistics, and squaring the squares (pluperfect!); a good boyfriend is worth 6 times his weight in gold, and Hell has less people per square mile than Jarkata (according to Dante).

There are a billion books about everything else you'd want about maths, but not a single one about e.

Natural, my Arithmetic Series (AS).
The edna Man

What'cha doooing?

There's a hundred and four days of summer vacation,
'Till school comes along just to end it,
So the annual problem for our generation,
Is finding a good way to spend it
Like maybe...

Building a rocket, or fighting a mummy,
Or climbing up the Eiffel tower,
Discovering something that doesn't exist,
Or giving a monkey a shower
Surfing tidal waves, creating nano-bots,
Or locating Frankenstein's brain,
Finding a Dodo bird, painting a continent,
Or driving your sister insane

This could possibly be the best day ever,
And the forecast says that tomorrow will likely be a million and six times better,
So make every minute count to one,
Jump in and seize the day,
And let's make sure that in every single possible way,
Today is Gonna to Be a Great Day!

Crossing the tundra or building a roller coaster.
Skiing down a mountain of beans,
Devising a system for remembering everything,
Or synchronizing submarines,
Racing chariots, taming tiger sharks,
Constructing a portal to mars,
Building a time machine, stretching a rubber tree,
or weaving a web of guitars,

This could possibly be the best day ever,
And the forecast says that tomorrow will likely be a million and six times better,
So make every minute count to one,
Jump in and seize the day,
And let's make sure that in every single possible way,
Today is Gonna to Be a Great Day!

Let's put our heads together and design a master plan,
We may miss dinner, but I know mom will understand...

We got our mission and suppliers, purple gumballs and desires,
A pocket full of rubber bands, the manual on handstands,
A unicycle compass, and a camera that won't focus,
And canteen full of soda, grab a beach towel here we go!
(This is Ferb-tastic!)

This could possibly be the best day ever,
And the forecast says that tomorrow will likely be a million and six times better,
So make every minute count to one,
Jump in and seize the day,
And let's make sure that in every single possible way,
Today is Gonna to Be a Great Day!

(Seriously this is gonna be great day)

This could possibly be the best day ever (Today's Gonna be a Great Day)
This could possibly be the best day ever (Today's Gonna be a Great Day)

I know what we're gonna do today!
The Edna Man

Better to have Love and Lost

...than to miss doing something awesome on V-Day (or in commemoration of Valentine's Day - as an aside, V-Day makes it sound too revolutionary; remember, remember?).

Going back in time: there's no other way to spend Valentine's Day except by converging on a fast-food restaurant somewhere and dragging out your corporate lunch to abominable lengths just so that you can hold a board meeting and not get kicked out, all the while cracking up and watching Jarrel shred up his plastic drink cap. Romantic, no?

Before that: Friday the Thirteenth! Paraskavedekatriaphobia aside, nothing really freaky happened; had OM as usual, oh but Jarrel dropped a test-tube during Chem prac. Nothing freakishly abnormal or superstitional. What a waste of a good Friday the Thirteenth, eh? Oh well, at least there's another one coming up in a month's time!

Even before that: King Lear (Princess Leia?) screening was vaguely amusing but mostly boring-ish. Call me an evolutionary mutant, but I can't appreciate whatever it is that people appreciate about Shakespeare. The guy playing Lear looked a bit like John Cleese, I thought, and I think the most fun role to play (if I ever became demented and agreed to perform in a staging of King Lear) would be the Fool. Aside from that, the entire cast looked like they just stepped out a (low-budget) Lord of the Rings prequel, complete with the big beards and everything, and the especially-large characters all sound like Gimli when they're raging or shouting or angry. Aside from that, the King of France had no French accent, and Kent had a vague southern drawl. And totally out of the picture (haha motion picture, get it?) as well, it was quite interesting to see a mostly empty lecture hall progressively get emptier and emptier.

I sat through the whole King Lear screening and all I got was this lousy T- hey! I didn't even get a T-shirt!
The Edna Man

All the World's a Stage

Who is the performer when he leaves the stage? For one whose life revolves being someone else, man of a million faces, who needs to entertain others, to see their enjoyment and smiles; who is he when the audience leaves and there is none to see?

Merely a player,
The Edna Man

Death of a Blog and other short stories

And another blog has been dragged silently to the graveyard of dead blogs. This one is different though; instead of dying from neglect and forgetfulness (like a hamster would), this one has been purposefully abandoned (as far as I can tell) because of changes in personal philosophy. I don't think I'm allowed to say anything here, but juzt in case, if you happen to figure out who I've been talking about here, then go find him and cheer him up for me.

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You know you're getting old when people give up their seat to you on the train.

In Singapore, you know you're getting old when people studiously avoid eye-contact so they don't have to give up their seat to you on the train.

Just an observation.

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Arun has a hell lot of friends. I have no idea where he gets them all from. Which reminds me, I have to try and get him a present. Oh and his house is hilarious to get to from the MRT, but only if you're not alone. Zeng Jie has awesome sense of direction.

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I think I'm slowly getting tangled up in a complicated web. I don't know if what I'm doing is right, or maybe it's misinterpretation, or maybe I'm just too oblivious to the conventions of society. And GG to you Boey if you're reading this, but it's meant to be vague and ambigious. Hahaha.

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I think what I need now is a song.
The Edna Man

The Pursuit of Happyness

"What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to balance these accounts."

"Why?"

"Because my boss wants them by the end of the week."

"Why?"

"Because it's my job to balance them."

"Why?"

"Because they're paying me."

"Why?"

"Because I need the money."

"Why?"

"So I can buy food."

"Why?"

"So I can survive, maybe?"

"Why?"

"So I can make more money."

"Why?"

"To buy other things."

"Why?"

"Then I'll be happy."

"Why?"

"Isn't that what's important in the end?"

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"What are you doing?"

"I'm helping my friend."

"Why?"

"So that he'll be happy."

"Why?"

"Then I'll be happy."

"Why?"

"Isn't that what's important in the end?"

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Different routes to the same outcome. Just an idea. Okay now back to EE.

In the end,
The Edna Man

Backlog

Due to the infernal harassment that is "important schoolwork", I have been unable to cope with the increasing amount of blogging backlog. So, for all you lucky fans and dedicated readers out there (about... five?) here's a list of what I have to remember to do in the next week - er, I mean, a sneak preview of what's coming up on Genes on the Internet:

1. Talekeeper
2. Soul Story
3. Chingay Explosives
4. Inner Children and Webcams (Or, Adults and Technology)
5. Lazy Susan of Fortune

Don't touch that dial!
The Edna Man