Wednesday, June 14, 2006

The Inner Workings of my Head

Um… hello? Is anyone here…?

Of course there’s somebody here, you idiot. The only way there’d be nobody in here is if you… lose your mind! Hahaha!

Yes, I’m always here. Unfortunately for you, he’ll always be here too.

Oh shut up.

Well, yes? Is there something else I – we – can help you with? Some other dilemma? Or just discussing your feelings?

Yes, yes, quick! Another tasty way to drag your ego into the dirt even further!

Must I really include him in this?

Unfortunately, yes. Much as I hate to associate myself with him, he is part of your mind, and besides, we don’t have any way of keeping him out.

*Sigh* All right. There’s something I need to… uh… talk… about.

Yes, go on…

It’s… about me. You. Us.

What about it? I mean, you. No, us. Sorry.

Well, I… *sigh* I need to know, y’know?

Nope. Bwahaha!

I need to know… want to… have to know why I’m… I’m like this. Why I’m the way I am. Why I think the way I do.

Hahaha! That’s it? Well, obviously the easiest answer would be fate! Because you are who you are: there’s no changing that! Haha!

But that won’t work for you, will it? You’ve always needed to know… did something happen? In school, or at home, or somewhere else…?

Well, I… Just look down.


Look down. Go on, grab that rectangle over there on your right, and scroll down. Just… look at it. Look. Why do I do that? Why did I act the way I did then? Why did I feel that and that, when I should have been feeling that? And that, over there; that’s not a healthy emotion. Why did it even surface? Why-?

I see we are not going to get this done quickly. Oh well. Look, you are who you are because of me. Okay? Happy? Go think over that, and –

Come here, Kevin. Sit down, here, beside me. Look, I don’t know why you behave or think the way you do, but –

I do! And I know that it’s ALL YOUR FAULT!

My… my fault…?

Yeah, you know why? It’s because you’re extremist. Your mind is too fixed in this certain way that anything you categorize instantly becomes one or the other. And you know where you get this from? Your filthy little storybooks!

Wait, now… storybooks?

Yes, storybooks! Those sick little pages filled with thousands of words full of subliminal extremist messages. Haven’t you noticed? Every story has “the ultimate evil” and “the righteous good”, light and dark on opposite ends of the spectrum! All this permeated your tiny little brain and lucky for you, your parents raised you well enough that you should be on the “good” side.

Isn’t that good?

No, it’s not! Because in the real world, mister, there is no “ultimate evil” or “eternal justice” or whatever. You’ll have people killing for what they believe are noble reasons; you’ll have people donating money for the sole purpose of helping themselves. There is no “good” or “evil”, just people, humans and their flaws.

But he can live with that, can’t he?

But the thing is you CAN’T! The way I see it, your extremist mind already starts splitting people into “good” and “bad”. That’s why you see some people as being totally perfect, while others are incorrigible! You start to think your good friends won’t mind if you go and watch a movie without them, or –

Hang on, he did think about that, and he did feel really bad about it!

Yeah, and so what? He went to the movie anyway! Actions and intentions; there’s a great difference between the two!

Sounds like you’re pretty extremist yourself!

I said they were different, not extreme opposites! You think that with a simple expression –

How do we know that he’s extremist anyway! It’s not like anyone with a professional diagnosis –

Oh COME ON! Everything you’ve seen so far, doesn’t it OBVIOUSLY SHOW that this whelp has an extremist mindset? I mean, look at us! Hel-LO! You’re blue, and I’m red! Even this metaphysical representation of his own conscious thought processes has you on the good side and me as the –

Keep quiet! You’re scaring him

I’m not scaring him! He’s scaring himself! Stupid, weak, disillusioned child. You’re not fit to survive in this world.

What are you saying?

I’m saying, with his current condition, he’ll never survive in the real world!

And why not? He’s… well… very charismatic and very friendly, and he knows how to interact with people… these are skills which will help him to survive in the real world!

Pah! Interact! Manipulate, more like. Another thing that derives from his filthy fiction. He keeps wishing for a happy ending, he believes so much in correct timing, he’s willing to lie just to get there! Do you know how disgusting that is? He’d do anything just to make his friend laugh, or to create some “happy fairytale” situation…

What about his other strengths? His creativity, his talent in art and writing, his ability to make people laugh; these are powerful tools which would enable him to–

What good are those tools if nobody needs them? Who’s going to need a laugh when they’re working? It’s a –

Every strength has a purpose. Everyone needs a laugh sometime or other.

And have you noticed that for every test that counts, that for every examination that matters, and especially for art and writing, he crashes and burns? Whatever society expects from him, he can’t deliver. Yeah, sure, he can conjure up a colourful assignment or speak with relative ease, but in an exam, there’re no colours, no speaking. What they want, he can’t give. He’s a glitch in the gears! He’s a square peg in a round hole; yeah he’ll go in but he won’t fit smoothly.

I think you’re being very pessimistic and unreasonable.

Oh yeah? Well let me tell you something. Everything has a purpose, like you said. I’m important too. You know why? Because I keep his ego in check! I’m the one who’s keeping him humble, I’m the one who’s keeping him modest, making sure he doesn’t get too big-headed for his own –

But by filling his head with false truths?

False truths?! Let me No idea how to handle children these statements and evidences mind being damaged beyond repair managed to isolate calm him down that one is only ever after ENDING

Stop… STOP IT! Will you two stop… stop everything… my head… it hurts… just stop… you’re making me… even more confused… just… GET OUT!

Yes… fine, I think you’ve had enough for one day. Go… play something. Have fun. Don’t think about this.

But remember, fun is only the escapist’s way out. We’ll always be here, and it’s only a matter of time before you come back to us…

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