Psychiatric Ward 1E

I've finally lost it. Broke down. Gone mental.

I got home at 9 today. Nine. I missed dinner. It was cold. I had cold supper.

My feet hurt. My arms hurt. My abs hurt. My brain hurts. I just came back from Rugby B Div finals an hour ago.

Each day I life through school I hate NS a little bit more. There are enough stories from my parents and everyone else; I don't want to live it 4 years before I have to.

Anyway, B Div lost. RI (not the school; someone else) blames the Prefects for not cheering enough. That's what I think anyway. What would you think would happen if we won? "Oh, yay, cheering was done well, even though you had small manpower, we still managed to win. Yay." It's probably some small subconscious part of the mind that's pushing the blame of defeat onto the Prefects.

And it's not like we didn't do anything. We didn't do cheering well because we couldn't do cheering well. RI doesn't seem to understand that. He just keeps telling Pei-Yi to stop giving excuses. Furthermore, all the excuses he gave seemed very valid to me. They couldn't stand up because the policemen there didn't let them. They were short of manpower. They had to cheer facing away from the audience, sitting down. Nobody was allowed to disperse among the student body.

That's not the irritating part. RI and AT (another person) both gave us talks. They said exactly the same thing. But RI's just gave me a worse impression of him, and AT's one made me respect him a little bit more.

They said exactly the same thing. Same content. RI was lecturing us. Scolding us. Not inspiring. Scolding. The fact that he said "I don't mean to be condescending" shows that he knows that he is being condescending. AT's talk was how much more acceptable.

RI: All of us sitting down in rows while he stood at the front to lecture.
AT: He asked us to huddle around him.
RI: Lectured. Tone of voice was teacher-like.
AT: Talked. Tone of voice was friendly.
RI: Ordered us to improve.
AT: Praised us first, then encouraged us to improve.

I know that everyone is different and that everyone has his own style of doing things. RI's is army-style. AT's is a better style; I don't think it has a name.

So because of our dismayal cheering, we had to stay back until 7.30pm. We made our way to the front gate, and the guard standing there says we couldn't catch a cab there because taxis weren't allowed to stop there. Okay, fair enough; we'll take the bus. It get's caught in a traffic jam on the PIE and we get to the station at 8pm. It takes 40mins to get to Toa Payoh station and another 30 to get home.

And yay, when I get home, my mom tells me to "not show me this tired face. It's like you're angry at me". And then I basically collapsed entirely. I started laughing. Laughing maniacally. Tears started streaming down my face. But I was laughing. I couldn't stop. My abs hurt. But I couldn't stop. I laughed and cried for 20 mins.

And I miss American Idol and they were doing Queen songs. My stupid Singtel connection is horribly laggy even though it's a 100MB/sec Wireless Broadband. I've three projects due next week, OM Nationals on Saturday, two church invites (Juz and Mr Wong) and I've to get a haircut and new shoes. Stripes is a great help, but the only problem is that he doesn't talk to me.

Thanks Shaun, Xi Min and Darren for keeping me company. :)