An Open Letter to the Saviours of the West

Dear Saviours of the West,

Help. Please, you must help us. We are trapped. We are caged, we are tormented, by our oppressive legal system and totalitarian government. We are, how you say, being put down by the Man. You must save us, please.

I am sure you cannot even begin to imagine how subjugated we are under our autocratic government. Our media is heavily controlled by the hegemonic authorities; newspapers, television, everything. The fact that I was able to obtain an Internet connection to type this letter, by smuggling into the country an illegal wireless router, is already a miracle of which I might not be able to replicate. They broadcast only what they want us to hear, their  brainwashing and propaganda and lies.

There is constant fear. Our homes are raided randomly every week, for evidence of creativity and self-awareness and critical thinking. Arrests are a regular part of everyday life, and executions are held daily in the public square; the heads of the worst offenders are mounted on stakes, as an example to the rest of us. We live in perpetual terror, because anyone on the street might be a member of the despotic secret police, who have orders to shoot anyone suspected of being a traitor on sight.

But I have heard that in the West, you are Free. Free to speak out against your government, and protest and riot and cause destruction in your streets. Free to choose your own leaders, to decide which one of your own will control the rest of you. Free to own firearms and kill whoever you want to kill, not just who the tyrannical government wants dead. In the West, it is said, all are equal; though some are more equal than others, of course.

So, please, I beg you; I bid you stand, Men of the West. Come and liberate us. Bring your armies, and your soldiers, and your bombs; bring your guns and swords and explosions, and free us from the authoritarian bootheel of our fascistic police state. Because heaven knows that we cannot do it ourselves.

Respectfully,
[[REDACTED]]

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The sad part is that I didn't really have to exaggerate that much.

Why is there so much ignorance in the world?
The Edna Man