Oathbreaker

It is rare that I fall in love with a new book or series, and such books are few and far between. The Oathbreaker books, which comprises of Assassin's Apprentice and Prince Among Killers, is one of those stories which really managed to engage me in the full experience of it.

I believe that this story is a good place to start into the forays of epic fantasy fiction. It's longer than its more "accessible" contemporaries, and starts off a bit slow. But that is what made me endear to Aron's character more, and throughout the chapters, I almost felt his pain as mine. I was so disappointed when Aron discovered the true fate of his love interest, and was delighted to find out that he still had a happy ending. I think that's what every great author hopes to achieve, to have their readers so absorbed into the story that they start to believe that the fiction is reality.

The series takes its place on my hallowed Imaginary Bookshelf of Awesome Stories, along with the likes of Harry Potter, His Dark Materials and the Mortal Engines series (all of which you should have read, be reading, or be reading in the near future).

To Stone go the Stones,
The Edna Man

Juxtaposition

I Gotta Feeling (Bad Day), parody of I Gotta Feelin' by Black Eyed Peas

I gotta feeling
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad, bad day

A feeling
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad, bad day

A feeling (Oh no)
That today's gonna be a good night
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad, bad day

A feeling (Oh no)
That today's gonna be a good night
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad, bad day

Where is the moment
We needed most
You kick up leaves
The magic's lost

Tell me your blue skies
They fade to grey
Tell me your passion
Has gone a-WAY!

I don't need no carryin' on
You say you don't know but you're singing sad songs
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You're coming back down and you really don't mind

You stand in line
To hit new lows
You're faking smiles
Coffee's to go

Tell me your life's
Been way offline
Falling to pieces
And it happens everytime

It's stupid, it's stupid, it's stupid, it's stupid
So stupid, so stupid, it's horrible
And stupid, and stupid, it's stupid, stupid, stupid
it's stupid, it's stupid, it's stupid

'Cause I gotta feeling (Boohoo)
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad, bad day

A feeling (Boohoo)
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad, bad day

Where is the moment
(Moment!)
We needed most
(We need it most!)
You kick up leaves
(Kick up the leaves!)
The magic's lost
(Lost!)

Tell me your blue skies
(Blue skies)
They fade to grey
(They fade to what?)
Tell me your passion
(Passion!)
Has gone a-WAY!

You stand in line
(Wait)
To hit new lows
(In line)
You're faking smiles
(Ha ha, hee hee)
Coffee's to go

Tell me your life's
(Your life)
Been way offline
(It's so offline)
Falling to pieces
And it happens everytime

It's stupid, it's stupid, it's stupid, it's stupid
So stupid, so stupid, it's terrible
And stupid, and stupid, it's stupid, stupid, stupid
it's stupid, it's stupid, it's stupid

Sometimes the, system goes, all on the blink
(Blink blink blink blink blink)
The whole thing, turns out wrong, can't even think
(Think think think think think)
You might not, make it back, and you're not wrong
(Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong)
That you could, could be well, well oh that strong
(Strong strong strong strong strong)

Well you, need a, blue sky holiday
(Bad day!)
The point, is that, they laugh at what you say
(Bad day!)
Take, take, take, take, take one down, you've seen what you like (like)
The camera don't lie, t-t-t-the camera don't lie

And I'm feelin' (Boohoo)
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad, bad day

I gotta feeling
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad day
That today's gonna be a bad, bad day



Good Night, parody of Bad Day by Daniel Powter

Tonight is the night, let's go live it up
I got all my money, let's go spend it up
We'll go out and smash it, like oh my god
We'll jump off that sofa, and just get it off
And then we'll do it all again

Please fill up my cup; hey thanks, mazeltov
Hey, look at her dancing; should just take it off
You want to go and paint the town red
You want to go shut it, and shut it down dead
And then we'll do it all again

'Cause you had a good night
You just want to dance
You take a nice song and you tune it to trance
You wanna get drunk
You bring out the beer
You just want to party 'cause the weekend is near
Your house is soundproof
You burn down the roof
You're bring the house down and enjoying your youth
You had a good night
You had a good night

Well I know that we will have a ball
If we get down, go out, and just lose it all
And then we'll do it all again

'Cause you had a good night
You just want to dance
You take a nice song and you tune it to trance
You wanna get drunk
You bring out the beer
You just want to party 'cause the weekend is near
Your house is soundproof
You burn down the roof
You're bring the house down and enjoying your youth
You had a good night

(Oh... Every night...)

We come or we go, we gotta rock
And we all turn out on top
You feel shot, body rock, and don't stop
Round and round, around the clock
And I'm in shock

(Yeah...!)

Tonight is the night, let's go live it up
Oh, you and I
I got all my money, let's go spend it up

'Cause you had a good night
You just want to dance
You take a nice song and you tune it to trance
You wanna get drunk
You bring out the beer
You just want to party 'cause the weekend is near
You had a good night
You've seen what you like
And what you can have just one more time
You had a good night
You had a good night

-----

WHY DID I NOT SEE THIS EARLIER.

I am not really proud of this mashup/parody hybrid, but it was funny when I thought about it first. The Powter parody was harder; the Black Eyed Peas are definitely not known for theit lyrical diversity.

Ruining nice songs since 2005,
The Edna Man

NEWSFLASH: Indonesian Slash-And-Burn Farmers Actually Combating Global Warming with Geoengineering

Sumatra, Indonesia -- Global warming is often hailed as one of the world's biggest crises of today, but that is not stopping local farmers from playing their part in fighting this international problem.

Last week, slash-and-burn farmers in Sumatra and Kalimantan once again started burning large areas of tropical rainforest, in a centuries-old tradition aimed at combating global warming.

"It's a legitimate technique called 'geoengineering', and it will change the world," Wakarno Suparputra said yesterday, on the grounds of his family's farmstead in southern Sumatra. Suparputra is the chairman of Indonesian Agriculture for Climate Change (IACC), an organisation renowned for using radical techniques to reverse the effects of global warming.

"The science is sound," he explained. "Burning these significant amounts of organic matter releases millions of kilotons of sulphur dioxide into the atmosphere. This gas transforms into sulphur dioxide droplets, an aerosol which reflects sunlight, and will eventually lead to global cooling."

"It also has the unfortuante side effect of creating hundreds of hectares of fertile farmland, and we are taking measures to control its spread by using them in the production of large quanties of crop," he commented.

Similar solar radiation techniques have previously been employed by The Krakatoan Initiative, a group of volcanologists who believe that increasing the frequency if volcanic eruptions would also contribute to lower average global temperatures.

"Nature has been doing this for thousands of years," said Dr Petrasiva Widjaya, a top scientist from the Initiative. "Historically, large volcanic eruptions have cause discernable global cooling. Mount Pinabuto's eruption in 1991 caused global temperatures to fall by 0.5-0.6°C, due to the huge amount of volcanic silica thrown into the upper atmosphere. The slash-and-burn technique is really just based on the same principle."

Mainstream environmentalists, however, are in an uproar over the drastic measures employed by the IACC, with one even calling it "the worst case of 'paving the road to hell' in the last decade". They are expressing outrage at the numerous negative side effects if the forest fires, the least of which is the large haze cloud which has drifted over the Malaysian peninsula, causing an increase in the risk of asthma and other breathing-related ailments.

"Not only are they destroying the habitats of thousands of species, they are increasing the likelyhood of acid rain, as well as thinning the ozone layer," fumed conservationist Peter Hartono at a press conference yesterday.

But Suparputra is adamant that his methods will save the world. "The western countries are still sitting on their hands with regards to climate change," he says, "and it is about time someone stood up to make a difference."

"At least this makes more sense than that Peruvian guy who wants to paint his mountain white," Suparputra added.

-----
Man, the haze is really bad here.

First off, please don't take this the wrong way. This article is a work of fiction, and should be treated as such. It was an attempt to write a satirical news article a la The Onion, but it didn't turn out quite so satirical and not nearly as funny. You might learn a couple of things from it though...

1. Geoengineering
2. Stratospheric sulphur aerosols
3. Krakatoa
4. Peruvian Andes Whitewashed

I really hope you can sort the fact from fiction.

This is
The Edna Man
for E-DNA news. Goodnight.

101010

It's not much of a comment, but today's a Perfect 10. You gotta wait a whole millenium for these things. What an occasion. Too bad it wasn't really special or anything.

Ten Thousand Thundering Typhoons,
The Edna Man