I Am Legend

Just finished watching the aforementioned movie on rented DVD. It was kinda awesome, but I think in a theatre it would be a lot more scary.

Wonder what it would be like to be the last man on Earth. I don't think I'd survive it. I mean, I don't know how it happened, but I'm a people person. Humanity intrigues me, somehow. For all the lies, the anger, the hate, the suffering, the turmoil, the savagery, the destruction, the imperfections; I still need people for their love, laughter, kindness, compassion, friendship, life.

It confounds me, how much effort is put into making a short two-hour movie. I guess for the impression it gives the audience, the two months of prep for the two seconds of shot is worth it. It's completely amazing, watching the behind-the-scenes and finding out that, wow, you had to do that much for a passing glance on screen? Which is why I think that some film critics have standards set too high. Sigh. But I guess, two years of producing something useless still gets you something useless.

Something that I noticed as I was watching the clips: my family doesn't have much patience for these sort of things. Once again I find myself isolated from the rest of the world, taking interest in things that the people around me don't. I guess I don't need a global pandemic to be the the last person in the world.

In my eyes, I'm already alone.
The Edna Man

All For Five Point Two

Hey hey, back from China, yippee, hooray, etc. Currently writing out the entire experience; in the meantime, enjoy this song.

-----
Five Point Two, parody of All for One from High School Musical 2
One whole week in China
Nothing could be finer
Having fun with the kids there
Going mountain climbing,
Singing and a-rhyming,
And cow excretion everywhere

Let's take it to the bus
Which never stops rocking
We're gonna stop here
Though the toilet's really shocking
I can't move on
There's a goat in the way blocking
Gonna dance all night

Everybody Five point Two,
Back from China and missing it too!
Now WoW is done; we had such fun,
We're the perfect helping crew
On the plane we flew right through
Under skies that were oh so blue
Everybody, two point five, and five point two!
Five point two, two!

Cars that don't stop horning,
Same food every morning,
The most overused bathroom
LANning until midnight
Cockroaches such a fright
Firecrackers go kaboom

Dancing with the kids,
Drawing them doodles
Giving them our lunch,
Then eating instant noodles
Really friendly dogs,
All cuter than poodles
We only dared drink Sprite

Everybody 一二三!
把你的手放下来
上面滚，下面滚
打鼓；达！
转，转，跳！
把你的手放下来
走前一步；我，你，大家，一！

Making fun of names,
And nobody stopping,
Following the girls
To going out and shopping

It's sad that all the future
Turned into the past
Should have made every single day
Last and last and last!

Low Jun Siong
And Lorraine: so sweet
And Wang Cong
Makes the family complete now!
(Everybody, e-everybody now!)
They really have parental expertise
Hugged them tight, never even let them freeze
Hard to believe they're not Chinese!

Guys!
Wanna come see shooting stars, hey!
Girls!
Wanna ride the three-wheeled cars, oh!

Here, and now
We're gonna finish WoW
Everybody jump in!

Everybody five point two,
Stuffed toy pandas and real bamboo
We ate the food that was quite good
And the pastor's liver stew
Did anybody learn Lisu?
Can you remember how to say "Thank you"?
Temperature was two point five;

Everybody five point two,
(Instrumental)
No mountain climb, no shopping time,
Guys in girls' rooms is taboo
There was a panoramic view
And if you only had, had a clue
It really was a blast
Can't believe it went so fast
Let's make this memory last!
Five point two!
Five! Point! Two!
Whoo!

Municipal Darwinism

What giants walk among us men...

I just finished reading the first book of Phillip Reeve's The Hungry City Chronicles, Mortal Engines. Once again, I was completely absorbed in the world that the author dreamed up out of his head. Basically, it's this post-apocalyptic future, millenia after the Sixty Minute War in which most of humanity wiped itself out with devastating weapons of mass destruction. Computers are things of history now, but cities are now built on giant traction wheels and trundle along the countryside. That introduces the astounding idea of Municipal Darwinism: bigger cities go along devouring smaller towns and villages, ingesting the smaller settlement and ripping it apart for raw materials. What a concept! To make the connection between the theory of evolution and urbanization, and transform it into this fantastic universe; truly the work of a genius.

I picked this book off the library shelf because the author's name caught my eye. Phillip Reeve, the illustrator of numerous Murderous Maths books, wrote a novel? But after reading the blurb on the jacket, I got hooked immediately. I never expected Reeve to be an author; I always thought he was an amazing cartoonist, the best one Murderous Maths ever had. (Why, Poskitt, why did you replace him with someone else?) I guess it just goes to show that there's no limit to what latent talents you might have.

And once again we are presented with the proposal that love conquers all. I have yet to read a book in which the main villain can love. Like Pullman, Reeve presents us another pair of protagonists who begin to love each other across the novel. Power of love. Never underestimate the power of love.

"Was this what falling in love was like? Not something big and amazing that you know about right away, like in a story, but a slow thing that crept over you in waves until you woke up one day and found that you were head over heels with somone quite unexpected...?"
The Edna Man

Remember remember...

The fifth of November
The gunpowder treason and plot
I know of no reason
That the gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot

Another day passes without any form of recognition at all. It's like Singaporeans (or at least, the people I know) don't understand the significance of certain days. Oh well: Barack me Obamadeus got a landslide victory and Parliament House hasn't blown up yet.

Viva la Revolution
The Edna Man

Extreme Makeover!

Hey! Unless you're severely colour-blind, you'd have noticed the new look. It's made by Charmaine (blatant advertising =P) and I think it looks great! I'm gonna use it for a while, for a change, and there's still a number of bugs I can't figure out yet.

Calvin and Hobbes,
The Edna Man

THIS IS HALLOWEEN

Pumpkins screaming in the dead of night!

Everybody make a scream! Another passed Halloween, but this year, it didn't go uncelebrated! Not for me at least. In an attempt to make a reaper's costume, I fashioned an awesome scythe out of a long stick of wood, cardboard and aluminum foil. It's totally realistic, just that I couldn't get a long dark hooded robe. MEH.

Halloween party at Arun's house! Which is GIGANTIC; and that's just his room. The second time I've been in an attic! Watched a bit of White Chicks, which I think is scarier than any horror movie that they could have borrowed (Shutter could give it a run for it's money though). Arun's dog is really cute! And funny. And I think it could give Neil a Runny for his money.

Costumes... I had a vague spectral reaper outfit thing which was cobbled together with black garbage bags in absence of a real long dark hooded robe (SIGH AGAIN). It looked totally stupid and I couldn't see a thing through the material. Scythe saved me though. XD Charmaine was sporting a witch's costume complete with pointed witch's hat and broom, which was plastic and modern; along with a black shawl and heavy eyeliner. She actually looked like a pretty good witch. Ernest... the Elvis vampire! Cloak and pitchfork (pitchfork o_O) and a vampire mask with a really Elvis-looking hairstyle and big dark eyes that looked like sunglasses. Ally just had a vampire cape, but with her dark outfit and pale complexion, she really looked like a vampire queen. The rest didn't wear anything. (Costumes, I mean. Sheesh.)

Oh, and the cakes! I became apprentice baker for the day and helped Charmaine bake her lemon cake thing and brownies. I'm now bugging my mom to bake stuff, 'cos I found out it's so easy! Just chuck everything together, and then chuck it into the oven. Simple! Oh yeah, Charmaine has a dog too, Ginger, but she's more quiet and less hyperactive (as far as I could tell). Charmaine's grandmother is like mine, and I think it's awesome how she knows how to speak a bit of every language. She's still a bit scary though XD Oh, Charmaine's house is AWESOME as well; first time I've been in an attic! Apparently it used to be owned by some artistic genius, and on the walls of the attic is a montage of a whole bunch of stuff, really well painted. It's really very enthralling, just going up there and seeing it all round the walls. That is, if you can find it XD

Oh, I thought I'd be out the whole day, so I was carrying around my scythe all over Singapore, Ang Mo Kio Central and Paya Lebar. It's quite interesting; I kept a straight face, and just looked menacing and sullen. I kept getting second glances from passers-by as I strode around looking for a cloak. If only I had the robe, gaah. It would have been something out of Improv Everywhere, only better, 'cos I'd be doing it.

Oh, last but not least, how's this for a freaky way to start Halloween? At about 3.15 am this morning, I was dreaming about something, I can't exactly remember what. But then I had this instantaneous mental image of Ally walking through some kind of wooden-panelled kitchen, a large number of brown boxes crashing to the floor, and a knife, the silver tongue spiralling down, headed for her chest. At the same time, the boxes hit the floor, and I heard a number of thuds, and as the knife hit, a sharp, piercing scream that jolted me awake. And this is the really creepy part. As my eyes flew open, I could still hear the scream, fading away now, for about half a second, before silence fell. I was totally freaked out. I guess what must have happened is that someone outside screamed the scream (which in itself is really freaky, considering it's 3 am in the morning), and my brain impulsively hotwired this explanation from my imagination through to my dream-consciousness. Either that, or my latent psychic powers are developing and... uhh, I don't think I want to complete the sentence. Freaky freaky freaky.

Well, this was Halloween.

Everyone hail to the pumpkin king!
The Edna Man

The Game of Life

I've just been reading people's blogs again.

When you look around you: your family, your friends, your classmates, your teachers, colleagues, bosses, that lady who cleans up the table after you finish eating and don't return the tray; the salesgirl behind the counter of the jewelry shop you keep walking by on the way to your car; the middle-aged man sitting the air-conditioned comfort of the taxicab as you drive home from work. What do you see?

People. Faces, personas, characteristics, behaviours, psychologies, or maybe even thoughts.

I see stories.

Every single soul on this planet is a storybook. Each life is a tale, spun out of time and woven with actions, choices; sprinkled with drama and tension; bringing together a cast of loosely-related characters, each with a story of their own. Irony, imagery, comedy, tragedy; art imitates life, or the other way around?

If you could just reach out... reach out into the library of the world, and take down one of its stories, open the cover and flip through the pages. Each soul is a story, each life a book; unfinished, half-written; the final chapter written by the hooded figure with his scythe. But even without the ending, each story is unique, is exquisite; no two people's are identical. Similarities are abound, surely, yet with novels this length there can be no plagarism, no exact copies. Reach out... choose a book... and read.

As an avid reader, the idea enthralls me, enchants me... to read, to collect the stories of every single person on Earth, to see, to know... linking them all together, like a vast mystery being solved, with each passing word, sentence, chapter, slowly revealing itself. Behind every face is a new story, another facinating plot, another spellbinding tale...

And when you realise that, at the end of the day, all these stories are as fluid as water, and as irretrivable and unstoppable as the proverbial liquid in a cupped hand. Stories are ending, closing chapters being written, all over the globe, several thousand times a day, and there is no librarian, no storyteller, no loremaster; no bards, jesters, researchers, collectors... millions of stories are being lost, everyday, to Time and Death: Farenheit 451. Qin Shi Huang burned hundreds if thousands of bamboo scrolls; a paragraph compared to the collective library of the human race.

When the story ends, who will keep telling the tales?
The Edna Man

Live Life to the Max

I had an awesome time today (yesterday, post-midnight-post again). We had a "class" outing, which was really quite awesome because this time almost (almost) the whole class managed to turn up. Ernest is sick though (he said it might be dengue; I haven't called him yet in case he's like resting or something) and there's a bunch of other people who missed such an awesome event.

Met Justin at Bueona Vista first, quite fail because I was like, fifteen minutes late (I overshot the station 'cos I was reading and not familiar with the place, never having taken the bus that far before) and I find that I'm the second one there; Zeng Jie, who lives exactly opposite school, was there first. Well after hanging around for about an hour for more people to slowly stream into place, we made our way to Ghim Moh to grab snacks and drinks. Bryan cycled all the way from his house, and he was wearing shades that I assume were supposed to make him look cool or something.

After a delicious lunch of Ramly burgers (today was a Health Promotion Board's nightmare), a trek to Justin's house opened my eyes to like, the awesomeness of architecture. The place was built like some jungle fortress, with wooden walkways all over, and the swimming pool was - get this - double-decker. Oh, and it had this shallow area where there were half-submerged lounge chairs. Oh, that's not to mention the pond downstairs with the school of koi (Just keep swimming!). Oh, and Justin's house is like a maxi-masonette: it's got an upper floor AND a lower deck, which is Justin's room/floor/same difference.

Anyway we were all in the karaoke room, which was another awesome place for its sheer opulence, and Bryan had brought Meet the Spartans (don't ask me why he carries it around with him) and we watched it. Second comedy this week: quite funny, loved the blue screen, among other things. After that: karaoke! But without lyrics, 'cos no discs. Mikes, though! Awesome mikes! Singing is just so amazingly fun, and I managed to get more people to sing as well, but there's still a number of people (cough cough you know who you are) who still owe us songs.

I love performing; it's one of my favourite activites, and today I tried to perform every song I sang. Hip-hop, ballads, love songs, ROCK, everything, I acted it out. It was a great feeling, with all the cheers and applause and stuff, 'cos you know that you're making people happy, and that's always good, because when you help others, you can't help helping yourself. One of the Vertigo "impersonators" from Improv Everywhere said that there was always something that would separate rock stars from us normal people, the feeling of thousands of screaming fans watching your peformance. I experienced a small sample of that today, and it is awesome.

We got kicked out at 6pm one hour after our booking ended, so we all crashed Justin's place and ordered pizza. I never knew Canadian Pizza had a Singapura Special; what type of patriotic citizen am I? Good food, had more fun, mostly watching Neil play Bioshock (which is actually more freaky that it first appears) and scaring the pants off me (not literally). I was hiding behind Elvira the whole time; which reminds me, she plays more computer games than me, dammit. Why doesn't my mom understand what a deprived life I'm living? Oh yeah, Lorraine grabbed Bryan's bike and wandered off somewhere with it without her phone, so a seach party was sent out with supplies (surprize!) of pizza to find her. It was quite funny; she said she was knocking on the door for ten minutes, but nobody heard her.

Oh yeah, Justin's pure-white Maltese Falcon dog Minnie (Mini?) jumped me and licked half of my face. This is the first time I've been assaulted by a dog, and it didn't feel as wet as I thought it would be. I just hope, y'know, no rabies, 'cos if not I'll have to be like Phantom of the Opera (because she really licked HALF of my FACE.)

I dunno if I should mention this, but Neil took a shortcut to get out of Justin's condo complex. I'm not mentioning it here, lest he gets into trouble, but suffice to say that it was really quite... there's no other word to describe it but: Neil.

OM LATER TODAY! New batch of kids, and I think I've got a more proper lesson structure now, here's to hoping it works out over the next year or so.

In other news, my progress in !nk is moving up; I've done four graphics already, so yeah. Maybe I'll ask Henry if I can get a raise...

Sing your heart out,
The Edna Man

Yes, please!

It's now 12.59am on an early Wednesday morning and I feel amazed and humbled at the same time.

There's this girl in my class. Her name is Charmaine. I've known her for about seven, eight months. In all that time, I figure she's the studious, hardworking type; very friendly, enthusiastic actress, best friends with Lorraine (another girl in my class). In the past hour, I've discovered a whole new dimension to her character. I've found out that she's awesomely creative, and that she likes making stuff (jewelry and graphic design, as far as I know for now). It's amazing, really; she has her own online shop (co-owned) and everything! Apparently she's been doing it for two, three years now. I can't believe that in the past half-year I never found out this amazing talent of hers (to be fair, she never mentioned it in class either).

I'm humbled because I thought I was good at this sort of thing, at knowing people, their motivations, characteristics, behaviour, talents, skills, likes, dislikes, etc. Or at least being able to make a good guess. Apparently I'm not skilled in this art, because I obviously deluded myself into thinking that I was good at it. I find out that I'm rather detached from most of my current classmates, because mainly a) I haven't been hanging out with them much (sorry!) and b) maybe I just haven't been around them enough to preempt their next move. Living with a GEP family for over seven years, you kind of figure out who everybody is and their most likely reaction to certain situations, their stereotypes and so on. I mean, that's how TNN was born! So now, little old me is trying to superhero-ize my class, because it's awesome fun, and also to see if I can do just that.

I guess this is part of the new philosophy (did I have an old one in the first place?) which I picked up after reading this article. It talks about the power of saying "Yes!" to get more out of life, and by voluntarily picking myself up and asking Charmaine about the blog address in her Personal Message, I found out more about one of my friends. I did it yesterday too (technically, two days ago, on Monday). I went out with practically all the girls in my class (and Justin, but he's not a girl) to have lunch, and then they dragged me to watch House Bunny. Normally I'd refuse to watch a chick-flick (groovy-movie? lacklustre blockbuster? film... film... cripes nothing rhymes with film), but I remembered the article and let myself be persuaded. Well, I did have a good time, and the show was really quite funny, and I have no regrets! I'm going to need to go to the library soon and check out a whole bunch of books on improvisational theatre, especially that one.

Yes!
The Edna Man

Pensieve

In an ingenius stroke of brilliance, my mom brought back a couple large pieces of dry ice from the butcher's a couple hours ago. It's almost all gone, but when she came back she chucked then into a pot (with remnants of my instant noodles soaking in the sogginess) and left it for a while. When I came out to investigate the source of all the bubbling sounds, I found, to my delight, that my sink was full of the misty white stuff, which looks exactly how J.K. Rowling describes thoughts in the Penseive so prevalent in her Potter books. It was so awesome, I tried plunging in headfirst into my kitchen sink (I strongly advise anyone who would like to repeat this experiment to make sure there's nothing else in your sink first) to see if I would go strolling through other people's memories, but alas, no luck. Perhaps I'm just not magical enough.

Another interesting note: if you add a sparing drizzle of detergent into the water and mix it up (yeah!) you get enormous bubbles that don't burst until they're huge, enveloping your container in large mists of white fog. Also, it's awesome to see sublimation on this scale in a sunken (haha sink, sank, sunk, sunken) container without the mist simply rising up and diffusing away, like they do in those wine glasses at fancy weddings.

And now, for a brilliant idea, probably influenced by watching Improv Everywhere (the greatest geniuses this world has ever seen) all last night, but here goes: what we need now is a couple kilogrammes of dry ice, so much such that if you dump it all into a public swimming pool you get this awesome bubbling froth in the centre, with waves of ethereal mist wafting out over the water's surface. That would make anyone's family outing a whole new unreal experience. Wonder where to get all that dry ice though. Oh yeah, and then you'll be contributing to the global warming effect. That's if you don't get arrested for the unwitting murders of a couple dozen people by carbon dioxide axyphation. I wonder if that could happen.

Pensively,
The Edna Man

Extreme!

I had a vaguely interesting idea this morning while I was snoozing in my bed, trying not to get up. In a bid to practice my narrative ability, I'm going to do it this way:

-----

John shivered with excitement as he looked out of the porthole. The sky was clear and cloudless. John was slightly disappointed; the propect of passing through a cloud was the second-most event he was looking forward to.

"We'll be going off soon, dear!" Rachel said, seating herself beside him. "The pilot just told me."

John nodded, holding her hand in his. "This is going to be awesome," he grinned. "Think anyone's done it before?"

"Well, it's rare, but I'm quite sure there are people crazier than us," Rachel replied with a laugh. "But I don't think it's as fun underwater," she added.

"Yeah, how will you hear anything?" John asked. "This way is much better."

Suddenly, one of the personnel came over. "Almost time," he said. "The priest's good to go, and we're almost there."

"Excellent," John said, zipping up his black suit. Beside him, Rachel did the same to her pure white one. She laughed as she said, "Well, at least we save a ton of money on the gown."

Chuckling, John and Rachel made their way over to the sliding door. The priest was waiting there, all suited up. "All ready to go then?" he asked them.

John and Rachel grabbed the heavy packs and strung them over their shoulders, tightening the straps and making sure everything was in place. Years of experience had taught them the importance of safety.

"Let's go," said John, his body numb with expectation. Smiling slightly, the priest grasped the handle and shoved the door open.

Instantly, a howling wind tore at them, rushing into the cabin and dragging their voices away. Rachel had squeezed John's hand more tightly as the wind rushed in, and John patted it with his other hand consolingly. He had a perfect view of the fields below, with a streak of blue winding through the flatlands, a river snaking through the plains.

"From one plane to another!" Rachel shouted, her voice dampened by the raging high-altitude winds. John smiled at her again; she always know how to make him laugh.

"We'll be simplifying a lot of things today," the priest yelled, "since there's not much time to do it traditionally." John and Rachel nodded in assent, keeping a firm grip on the railing above their heads.

"On the count of three, then!" bellowed the priest. Rachel's grip tightened. "One... two... THREE!"

The couple leapt off the aircraft, enjoying a fraction of a second's worth of the sensation of flying, before gravity grabbed at them and dragged them earthwards. Adrenaline pumped in John's veins as the wind rushed through his hair; he looked to his right and saw Rachel's hair sticking straight upwards behind her head. She was exhilerated: her mouth was open in screaming laughter which was carried away by the wind.

In seconds, the priest was beside them, a couple of feet away. "All ready?" he shouted again.

"Yes!" they replied.

"Alright!" Sticking out his hand as far as air resistance would allow, he shouted, "John, do you?"

"I do!"

"Rachel, do you?"

"YES, I DO!"

Smiling, the priest roared, "Then I pronounce you man and wife! You may now kiss the bride."

Pulling themselves closer to each other, Rachel and John managed to hold each other close enough, so that they were kind of hugging sideways, fifteen thousand feet in the air. Then his lips met hers, and John forgot where they were; the entwined newlyweds spiraled to the ground, lips locked for what seemed like eternity, still kissing as they popped their chutes and drifted slowly back to reality.

-----

- How has the writer used concealment of information and suspense/mystery to achieve his effect?

- Comment on the writer's use of dialogue in the passage.

(25 marks)
The Edna Man

Pick-Up Lines for Muggers, Part V Math

Pick-Up Lines for Muggers, Part V: Mathematics

1. Hey baby. What's your sine?
2. Let's make like a composite function and plug in that x-factor.
3. Of all the combinations of people in this world, we're the perfect permutation. And that's a factorial.
4. Maybe we should integrate ourselves.
5. I'll take you to your limits and see if we converge.
6. Is that a parabola in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
7. You're so s times Euler's constant to the power of variables x and y.
8. Vector? I hardly know 'er!
9. You must have fallen from seven, because you're an angle.

The best one ever!
10. I must be f(x) = 1/2 u^2 because when I try to derive some meaning in myself all I get is u. (Credit: Jun Yi)

---

Math paper today was a killer. Well, as least it was more of a massacre than a homocide, so it's not so bad.

Quote from a conversation with The Jarrel Seah:
Me: "Did you finish your paper?"
The Seah: "Yeah I finished my paper."
Me: "Okay, wait. I need to judge how tough this paper was. How much time did you have left?"
The Seah: "Uhh, about fifteen to twenty minutes."
Me: "Oh cripes, this was a damn tough paper."
The Seah: "Oh, but that was only after I finished all my alternate solutions and triple-checkings and writing the apology on the front page about not reading the instructions."
Me: "...damn."

The Edna Man

Pick-Up Lines for Muggers, Part IV Physics

Pick-Up Lines for Muggers, Part IV: Physics

1. Ever since you came here, you've inverted the population, causing me to have a spontaneous emission. (Credit: Ernest)
2. You won't need a compound microscope to see my simple telescope.
3. If I were a light ray, I'd diffuse through your thin slit anyday.
4. Let's go back to my place and make some simple harmonic motion.
5. Are your legs tired? 'Cos you've been accelerating around my head at 9.8 m/s all day.
6. I wish you were the image distance, so I could be the object distance and v all over u.
7. I must be looking through a convex lens, 'cos the image I see is real, magnified and upright!
8. I'll increase my frequency if you can increase my amplitude.
9. You'd light up my life, if you were a monochromatic coherent light source on a disc with angular momentum of 3.14 rad/s shining on a diffraction grating which is then incident on a thin slit in front of a cathode ray oscilloscope measuring your intensity.
10. You're so hot, I don't think I can take you with my low specific heat capacity.

---

"Dreams are a testament to human creativity. If your subconscious minds can make up a story so vivid and captivating that it can give us a good show while we're asleep, there's no limit to what we can create. All that remains now is to bring that creativity forward from the subconscious." --Quoth the Raven (nevermore)

I had an awesome dream this morning. I had to get a number of tattoos (for medical reasons). They were all done by one of my uncles, and they all looked more like company logos than tattoos: square, and multicoloured. I remember that there also about five or six of them, about 10cm a side, which all would not have fit on my arm normally, but I seem to recall flipping through a book-like thing to see all of them. Problem is, after the tattoos were done I suddenly remembered that tattoos weren't allowed in school (fancy that). So I asked my uncle if these were permanent and he said, "Yes, those are permanent, 'cos I didn't put the Dettol." Well, so now I've got some reality-defying tattoos on my left arm and I've got to go to school. Or maybe I was already in school, 'cos I remember walking past the Auditorium on the 4th floor (with Ernest, who had appeared from I have no idea where) and a teacher (I can't remember his name, but I know who it is) called me over and said that I wasn't allowed to have tattoos in school. Well, I told him it was for medical reasons, and he said, okay, but next time he would have to see a letter from an independent doctor. So anyway I keep walking and I meet Lorraine and Juztin (Ernest has mysteriously disappeared at this point), presumably coming from BB 'cos they're wearing BB polo tops, and Lorraine says, "There you are! I've been looking all over for you!" Then she explains something about being late for her English class, and asks me if I would like to see the reason behind why she was late. I agree, and she leads me to this entrance of an underground carpark, and it's raining now for some reason, and she points at it and says, "There! That's why!" So I'm utterly bewildered and when I turn around I'm at the roundabout at my school and Hui Jun is there and he asks if I'm taking a bus home. I say yes, and soon enough a bus come round to the roundabout (haha) and we both hget on. Then after a short while I think I missed the stop we wer supposed to be getting out at, and I said, "Whoops! I forgot to press the button!" The bus wouldn't stop for two more stops because Hui Jun and I were supposed to be going somewhere we've never been before. We got off at some weird bus park to chheck if we were at the right place and then the bus leaves without us! So with all our bags and stuff on the bas, we try chasing after it, but we got confused because all the buses looked the same and we couldn't tell which one was ours. Then I remember seeing some tall African guy, really tall like twice normal height, dressed in pure white clerical robes and stuff, and I remember folding my arms to hide my tattoos (Remember? I had tattoos!) in case I attracted the attention of some rival biker gang. Then I woke up.

My dream beats yours, Jonny.
The Edna Man

Pick-Up Lines for Muggers, Part III Economics

Pick-Up Lines for Muggers, Part III: Economics

1. If you ever demand for more of me, I'll be there with an elastic supply. (Credit: Ernest)
2. I'd like to reallocate your ample resources, if you know what I mean.
3. Every time I see you, it causes inflation.
4. A Date (AD) = Consummation + Intimacy + Groping + (X-treme fantasies - Mums) (Credit: Ernest)
5. Wages aren't the only things which are sticky downwards around here.
6. Hey, you look like a recession. Need some government intervention?
7. Just wait until my economy goes boom.
8. Oooh, you're a merit good if I ever saw one: so good, yet underconsumed.
9. Nice externalities.
10. Woah, let's get fiscal.

Pick-Up Lines for Muggers, Part II English

Pick-Up Lines for Muggers, Part II: English

1. If you come back to my place, I'll let you Huckle my Berries.
2. Jim's not the only one with big magic hair-balls, if you know what I mean.
3. I'll be your Siddhartha if you be my Kamala.
4. You've experienced enlightenment! Let me kiss your forehead! Or your lips; I'm not picky.
5. You must be an unseen text, 'cos I don't think we've met.
6. Say, when a cow's laying down, which end of her gets up first? Answer up prompt, now - don't stop to study over it. Which end gets up first?
7. I'm one-thirds a Brahmin: I don't think, I don't wait, but I can do it real fast!
8. I'll get my canoe, you get your raft, and let's go down south together.
9. I'll be your ferryman if you let me cross your river.

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Once again, I fail to understand the logic behind English exams. Here I am, working through the texts, and wondering how on Earth am I supposed to memorize quotes for a host of topics which could be anything under the sun, and not having a clue or an ounce of confidence that I'll be able to do anything tomorrow. I hate quotes. Whoever first came up with the idea of quoting for examinations should be shot, even if he's already dead.

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10. I forgot my pickup line because I couldn't memorize my quotes.
The Edna Man

Pick-Up Lines for Muggers, Part I Chemistry

Pick-Up Lines for Muggers, Part I: Chemisty

1. Would you like a covalent bond? No? Then how about a dative?
2. Woah! You're so hot, you're exothermic! *sizzle*
3. Let's you and me go and hybridize our orbitals, if you know what I mean ;)
4. You must be a visible wavelength of light, 'cos I'm an electron and you excite me.
5. How'd you get through security, 'cos baby, you're the nitroglycerine!
6. You've got more curves than a charged particle in a mass spectrometer.
7. You're like silicon chloride and I'm like water; when we're together it's basic chemisry.
8. Excuse me, does this smell like ammonia to you?
9. Whew, you're so hot, the temperature's going up... and my volume is increasing.
10. You're so perfect, you make the entropy of the universe decrease.
11. Your face is real symmetrical, it's like cis-but-2-ene.
12. Call me a ligand, 'cos you're so complex.
13. Are you an atomic spectrum? 'Cos I think I just had an emission.
14. You must be reducing the vapour pressure, 'cos you're making my blood boil.
15. Sick of Biology practicals? How about a little more Chemistry... (Credit: Elvira)
16. With dipoles like that, you're the solution to all my problems. (Credit: Elvira)
17. Wanna have my test tube baby?
18. Are you sulphuric acid? I want to test out my contact process.
19. You must know the Valence Shell Electron Pair Repulsion theory, to have such a perfect shape.

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In other news, today was another case of Jarrel Seah's "for someone so smart, you're quite dumb". Note to self: never let Jarrel pick two from a list of four ever again.

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And my number 1 top Chemistry-based pick-up line:

20. If I could rearrange the periodic table, I'd put Uranium and Iodine together.

The Edna Man

What do you do when it's the end of the world?

The student's prayer: "I hope I've covered everything, and if I haven't, may it not come out."

Good luck for exams, see you at the end of the end of the world.

12 days. Survive.
The Edna Man

Savvy?

Arrr, another Talk Like a Pirate Day has sailed off inter tha sunset, and yet again I find meself all alone at sea. Thare were rare few pieces-of-eight in this here sea of shipmates, and I found meself manning tha sails while everyone else was weighing anchor, if yer get my drift. A whole day devoted ter callin' yer shipmates scallywags and scurvy curs, swashing yer buckles and wondering why the rum's gone. It does seem a shame to lose something so fine, ain't it, lads? But tha devils of examinations rob tha fun of days like this, since them landlubbers have their noses pressed so close to their parchments they fail ter observe tha finer points in life.

Also, it be tha only day in tha whole year where yer can say, "Nice booty!" and get away with it. What's not ter like?

This year, I'd be comin' to tha realization that thare arr countless ways ter speak like a swashbuckler, without referrin' ter tha normal "Ahoy!", "Avast!" and "Aye!". That thare be simple talk, naught but fer simple pirates. Thare be much more ter piratin' that cannons and keelhauls; thare be storms and shipwrecks and Kraken and tha like. But arrr, they're more like guidelines than actual rules.

Unfortunately, I completely overlooked tha bearing of this particular circadian until tha postmeridian temporal, atwhich tha bisected diurnal had erstwhile dissipated, and although my efforts in aggrandizing this festivity was ineffectual, and my acquaintences were disinclined to acquiesce to my request. Means "no".

Arrr, but if ye consider time zones, it still be midday in tha Caribbean!

I'll be damned to tha depths of Davy Jones' Locker if I'll be stopped by tha likes of yer.
*Captain* Edna Mann

Now that's a presentation!

Woohoo! I did my Theory of Knowledge mock presentation today - what a blast! It doesn't matter so much that my presentation didn't conform with the dictated standards; I had my presentation, I knew what I was going to do, and I had fun doing it!

I'm diagnosed with an oprical anomaly. I'm not colour-blind; the rest of the world is.
The Edna Man

I'm Taking Taxi Back!

I'm Taking Taxi Back - Parody of Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake
I'm taking taxi back
The MRT's fallen off the track
The bus is full of people; really packed
Got to get home so I can hit the sack

Take me to the bridge

[Bridge]
Uncle, please
Can you take me right down to Tampines?
Why your back seat don't have those small TVs?
How come government must raise all your fees?

Take me to the city

[Chorus]
Please keep right
Twenty cents, per half minute
No traffic lights
Twenty cents, per half minute
ERP
Twenty cents, per half minute
No gantry
Twenty cents, per half minute
Let me see you've got peak surcharge
Twenty cents, per half minute
Pay me more tips
Twenty cents, per half minute
Out of range
Twenty cents, per half minute
Keep the change
Twenty cents, per half minute

And hail that taxicab
Twenty cents, per half minute

And hail that taxicab
And hail that taxicab
And hail that taxicab
And hail that taxicab
And hail that taxicab
And hail that taxicab

And hail that taxicab

I'm taking taxi back
It's really late now and the sky is black
I'm scared if I walk home I get attacked
Who knows what kind of weird people I attract

Take me to the bridge

[Bridge]
Taxis are
The best alternative to driving car
Perfect for people who drunk half the bar
But if you see ghost you should drive far far

[Chorus]

I'm taking taxi back
You see the driver's name carved on a plaque
When you pay fees it better be exact
I only wish it were a Cadillac

Take me down to Clarke Quay

[Chorus]

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I have to say I don't really like the original song. It's kinda... fail. But oh well; for the parody!